Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Big-Boned

Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!

–1 train

Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!

–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn

Overheard by: elwood

Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.

–Queens Center Mall

Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.

–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square

Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Melissa

Posted on July 19, 2006
A-List, About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Celebrities, Coney Island, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Girls, Gyms, Height, Infidelity, Kids, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parents, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Queens, Sex & Relationships, Teens, Times Square, Topics, TV, Venues

To Be Fair, She’s Really More Of a Cyborg

20-Something #1: My roommate was this die-hard Christian.
20-Something #2: Born again?
20-Something #1: No, just regular.
20-Something #2: What’s the difference?

Pause.

20-Something #1: I don’t really know.
20-Something #2: My first roommate was, too. She liked this one lady, Joyce Meyers.
20-Something #1: I didn’t know that women could be priestesses in the Catholic religion.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: jtango

Posted on July 16, 2006
Bryant Park, Catholics, Christianity, Christians, God Squad, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, People, Places, Religion, Topics

She Got an A in Statistics

Guy: Yo, Katie, why do you always gotta look at me like I just looked at your ass or somethin’?
Katie: Well, because most of the time you usually are!

–Cheap Shots, 1st Ave between 9th & St.Mark’s

Overheard by:

Posted on July 13, 2006
Ass, Girls, Guys, Manhattan, Places, Private Parts, Topics, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Good Source of Protein

Little boy, to passerby: That’s why I ejaculated in your mom’s nose!

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Chick: See, I don’t like the idea of drinking semen not directly from the cock.

–Harlem

Overheard by: McN

Posted on July 12, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Manhattan, Moms, Parents, Penis, People, Places, Private Parts, Sex, Should've Used a Condom, Topics, Women

Slutty, With a Chance of Late Afternoon Whores

Suit #1, leaving: Nice out?
Suit #2, entering: Hot n’ humid!
Suit #1: Lots of sluts?

–Office building, 6th Ave

Overheard by: Non suit

Posted on July 11, 2006
Buildings, Hootchies, Manhattan, Office, People, Places, Suits, Topics, Weather

But We Could Have a Threesome

Guy: I’m in love!
Girl: Awwww.
Guy: With marijuana.
Girl: Oh.

–18th & 10th

Overheard by: John K

Posted on July 9, 2006
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Love, People, Places, Sex & Relationships, Stoners, Topics, Weed

He Only Hung Up On Me Once

Girl: So why did you hang up on me twice?
Guy: Why did you sleep with him last night?

–Forest Hills, Queens

Posted on July 4, 2006
Girls, Guys, People, Places, Queens, Sex, Topics

Another Teen Emergency. Call the Ambivalence.

Girl: I was like, “High school is over. I can’t wait to get away from everyone!” And then, thanks to you, I actually realized that I might miss some people. You, James*, Gabrielle*, Dave V.*, Karen G.*!
Guy: But all of us except James are going to St. John’s, and he’s coming here to Queens.
Girl: But Gabrielle is going to Jersey! Everyone knows that once you go to Jersey, your soul dies.

–Queens College campus

Overheard by: Peter G.