Conductor: This is a Queens-bound f express train. So if you don't need express, you better get the hell up off mah train! Stand clear of the closing doors.
Black hobo: Heidi ho, let's go!
–F Train
Conductor: This is a Queens-bound f express train. So if you don't need express, you better get the hell up off mah train! Stand clear of the closing doors.
Black hobo: Heidi ho, let's go!
–F Train
Thuggish Asian watching Cops in store window: Yo, the one without the shirt is always guilty.
–College Point
Teen girl on cell: I tried biting some people, I got arrested.
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon
Very loud and drunk crackhead to friend: I don't care who you are. Everybody goes to jail some time.
–Hoyt & Warren, Brooklyn
Pharmacist on phone: Oh my, is she okay? (pause) That's when you got arrested on the plane?
(pause) At Fort Dix!?
–Drugstore, 6th Ave
Overheard by: Transit161
Friend to another, yelling across street: Good luck with your rape case…I know it wasn't you!
–Centre & Grand
Overheard by: jzjmrdangerdowntown
Small boy, singing to himself: Goodbye, everybody say goodbye… To Chris Brown…'cuz he smacked a woman and he's going to jail.
–Barnard College
Gay manager: Ugh! They just keep on giving me more things to do.
Girl at counter: It's because you are gay!
Gay manager: Because I'm gay I get more responsibility.
Guy at counter: Blame the makeover shows. Make a few formerly hopeless fashion cases look good on tv and they think you can do anything.
–Retail Store, Union Square
Hipster chick #1: I always loved that one reporter girl. What was her name?
Hipster chick #2: April, April O'Neil.
Hipster chick #1: Oh my god! Thank you!
–F Train
Overheard by: Master Splinter
Black nanny #1 to another, about white baby in her care: Her mother tells me to put sunscreen on her, but she's so damn white.
Black nanny #2: I know, nigger looks like Casper.
–Battery Park Playground
Overheard by: Ana O
Teen girl #1: I'm not doing it for the same reasons as like people in the sixtes. I'm not trying to see god or anything.
Teen girl #2: I'm not fucking worried about you having a religious experience, I'm worried about you seeing Sgt. Pepper jerking off to Barney or something!
–Escalator, Time Warner Building
Girl #1: I like him a lot. I think I'm even gonna tell him I watch The Hills.
Girl #2: Wow, you *do* like him.
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.
–LaGuardia Arts
Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!
–LIRR
Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!
–St. Mark's Place
Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"
–13th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: kdub
Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!
–42nd b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Couldn't agree more
Hobo, sticking his face in cab window: Oh shit, it's Charlie's Angels!
Girl inside: Shut the door! Shut the door!
–Outside Gansevoort Hotel
Hippie, sarcastically to suit in '72 Cadillac convertible: Nice car. Where's the rest of The Sopranos?
Suit driving away, deadpan, without missing a beat: In the fucking trunk.
–Wall St
