Hassidic Jew in front of Mitzvah Mobile: Excuse me sir, are you Jewish?
British guy: No, I'm good, thanks!
–Union Square West
Overheard by: not jewish
Hassidic Jew in front of Mitzvah Mobile: Excuse me sir, are you Jewish?
British guy: No, I'm good, thanks!
–Union Square West
Overheard by: not jewish
Ghetto boy #1: Hey, honey, how old are you?
Ghetto girl: I'm sixteen.
Ghetto boy #1: Hey, you wanna trade phone numbers or aim or something?
Ghetto girl: No, thanks. (leaves)
Ghetto boy #2: Ooooooh. Damn.
Ghetto boy #1: Shut up, Justin! At least I don't date ugly-ass hos like you!
Ghetto boy #2: What about Veronica?
Ghetto boy #1: I only fucked Veronica cause I was trapped!
Ghetto boy #2: Nigga, how you be trapped?
Ghetto boy #1: Fuck, man, she weighs 300 pounds!
–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place
Friend #1: My friend told me that in Wisconsin they deep-fry cheese curds.
Friend #2: What's “cheese curds”?
Friend #3: Kurds are a perennially oppressed ethnic minority group found in parts of Iran, Iraq, and Turkey.
–East Village
Woman on date: So tell me about your trip through Asia.
Man on date: Um… Yeah, so after dinner, do you want to go to K-Mart so I can watch you buy sheets? Because it would really turn me on if I could watch you buy sheets.
–East Village
Hipster guy: I need some toothpaste and…what else did I say I needed?
Hipster girl, shouting: Condoms!
Hipster guy: Shhhhh!
(everyone in store starts chuckling)
Hipster girl: The extra small ones.
Hipster guy: Shhhh!
Hipster girl: With a juicy flavor!
–Rite Aid, 6th Ave & 11th St
Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.
–LaGuardia Arts
Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!
–LIRR
Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!
–St. Mark's Place
Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"
–13th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: kdub
Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!
–42nd b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Couldn't agree more
Geeky 30-something Asian man: He keep telling me “Fuck me! Fuck me!” so I tell him “Fuck you!” and I fuck him!
Mother: (not paying attention).
Geeky 30-something Asian man: I am a man! I put my dick in him for five minutes.
Mother: (not paying attention).
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Malta Paul
French lesbian: Martin Luther king, was he white?
American lesbian: No. He was black!
French lesbian: Oh I always get him confused with that other president who was the cripple.
American lesbian: Martin Luther king wasn't ever a president.
French lesbian: God! But they have a day for him anyway? America is so pretentious!
–East Village
20-year old, passing a hobo: Dude, you smell.
Hobo: Fuck you, hipster!
20-year old: I'm not a hips…
Hobo, cutting him off: Where's your hat?
20-year old: I don't own a h…
Hobo, cutting him off: Fuck you and your hat!
–2nd Ave, East Village
NYU girl #1: Kate's done coke?
NYU girl #2: Yeah.
NYU girl #1: Really?
NYU girl #2: Yeah, but she hasn't done any with her new nose.
NYU girl #1: Oh.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Elena
