Wednesday One-Liners Have Their Ups and “Downs”

Dog owner to another: Dogs are funny. They're like little retarded kids.

–Tompkins Square Park Dog Run

Guy on cell: She went from Debbie downer to Debbie Down Syndrome.

–62nd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Timo Lipping

Dad: I thought she would like Carolina, so we took her to see four schools there. I asked her if she liked them and she said, "I liked the schools… But everyone there seemed slightly retarded."

–W 54th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Johnny V.

Southern woman who just ran NYC marathon to Southern friend: Well, we can't have a baby now because it would be retarded… because I'm 35, you know?

–Becco Restaurant, Theater District

Overheard by: mersayseh

Posted on August 12, 2021
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Athletes, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Education, Friends, Guys, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Restaurants & Cafes, Retardation, Southerners, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners

Oh, Elvis Costello, You’ll Always Be Cool to Me!

Suit: You know any good bars around here?
Nerd: No. This area is too cool for me.

–Ave A, between 6th & 7th

Posted on August 10, 2021
Directions, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Money & Class, Nerds, Suits, Union Square and East Village

These Boobs Make Quite a Pair

Two women pass each other on the street.

Woman #1: Saline?
Woman #2: Yep!

–St. Marks Place

Posted on August 9, 2021
Questions, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Women

If So, You Should Take My Dad’s Card

Father: Will you be in tomorrow?
Techie #1: Unfortunately, no, sir.
Father: Well, then who will I yell at if anything goes wrong with the computer?
Techie #2: You could always yell at me, sir!
Daughter, uncertain: … Do you… like to be yelled at?

–Circuit City, Union Square

Posted on August 3, 2021
Customers, Questions, Union Square and East Village

Men Usually Win the Low-Expectations Game

Woman: Well, I hope they have tables…
Man: I hope they have shots.

–3rd & 17th

Posted on July 29, 2021
Drinking & Drunk People, Men, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Women

Slang: The Right Way and the Wrong Ways

Lady #1: Look at all these kids! I feel so old…I can’t date in this city any more.
Lady #2: Are you kidding? Listen, honey, let me tell you…I just finished my starter marriage, and I’ve been dating like crazy!

–6 train

Overheard by: BBW

Girl #1: Look at my new ring! Isn’t it shiny and big?
Girl #2: Omigod. When did you get it?
Girl #1: Yesterday, my manlover gave it to me.
Girl #2: “Manlover”?
Girl #1: Yeah, he’s not a boy or my friend, hence manlover.

–F train

Overheard by: fridayweasel

Black chick #1: I told her to keep her badussy hands off my sandwich
Black chick #2: “Badussy”?
Black chick #1: Yeah, It’s like butt and pussy.

–Union Square

Guy: No, I mean I could but it’s not going to change the fact that he did it and he’s probably just going to do it again at some point.
Girl: But you could still gain the satisfaction of telling him he’s a bitch-ho.

–6 train

Girl #1: I’m on the brown; it stinks.
Girl #2: Brown?
Girl #1: You know, when your period is ending.

–Q train

Posted on July 26, 2021
Age/Aging, Black People, Dating, Food, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, On the Subway, Union Square and East Village, Women

Psh, Anybody Can Be Gay for Pay

Queer #1: The thing about sexuality is…
Queer #2: No! Were you gay when you were a prostitute?

–3rd St & 7th Ave

Posted on July 18, 2021
Gays and Lesbians, Prostitution, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Union Square and East Village

I Recommend the Codeine & Chive Lite Spread

Employee: What kind of bagel did you want?
Guy: Poppyseed.
Employee: Oh, we don’t have poppyseed. We have plain, everything, and cinnamon raisin.
Guy: Everything. I just need the opiates.

–alt.coffee, 9th & A

Overheard by: Alex Romanovich