A Woman's Right to Wednesday One-Liners

Angry black woman: Why these motherfuckers always wearing "right for life" buttons, philosophizing and shit?

–Dallas BBQ, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike H

Student: Aborting your baby is so boring now. Everyone does it.

–Bard High School Early College

Drunk loud teenage Latina: Ladies and gentlemen, I am a minority and I have never had an abortion!

–N Train

Overheard by: g-lime

Man on cell: Oh… Oh shit… Well, can't you just take a wire hanger and pull it out? Yeah, just stick the hanger in and pull it right out! Okay? Okay. Bye.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: marge

Fabulous gay guy: So, my coworkers at Olive Garden all wanted to go out for a picnic one day. Our one friend had to work though, so we told her to tell our boss she needed to go get an abortion and she actually did it!

–Life Cafe, Avenue B & 10th St

Overheard by: Rachel W.

Posted on April 18, 2015
Abortion, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Drunks, Insults, Latinos, Lies, Lower East Side, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Philosophy, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island Ferry, Students, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

The Curse of the Drinking Class

Drunk girl: Fuck you. Get a job. ]Lightly pushes guy. No response.] I said, fuck you. Get a job! [Pushes him harder.]Guy: Stop pushing me.
Drunk girl: Fuck you. Get a job!
Guy: Stop pushing me.
Drunk girl: Fuck you! Get a job! [Pushes him down.]Guy: What the hell?! I have a job! I have a job!
Drunk girl: I don’t care! Get a job!

–St. Mark’s & 1st

Overheard by: Darien

Posted on April 17, 2015
Drunks, Gripes, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not the Freshmaker

Bimbette: I don't think I've ever been that grossed out during the day. It all started when that woman smelled like pee…

–6 Train

Overheard by: j

Female suit: We were above an Indian restaurant and he was banging me from behind. I could smell the curry, and while he was banging me I was gagging.

–NJ Transit

Chick: You smell like vag and pizza.

–Borders

Girl to friend, after bending head down into her: Damn my puss stank.

–E Train

Overheard by: Nicole

College guy (screaming at friend): Dude! How are you even in college?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Tropical Glade!

–1 Train

Concerned hipster: I know you just orgasmed, but what's that smell?

–E 9th & 3rd

Overheard by: Peanut

Posted on April 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Ew, Jersey, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, On the Subway, Orgasm, Pee, Pizza, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Store, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness, Women

Great, Now the Kid’s All Horny

A mother and daughter catching snowflakes on their tongues.

Mother: I caught one, did you catch one?
Daughter: Yes!
Mother: Mine was too small, it tasted tiny.
Daughter: I got one!
Mother: What does it taste like?
Daughter: Power!

–2nd Avenue & 9th Street

Overheard by: Alexander Romanovich

Posted on April 17, 2015
Food, Kids, Moms, Union Square and East Village, Weather

I Think He’s a Latent Wednesday One-liner

Suit: I’m always really careful when I eat so I don’t have to take it up the ass when I go to the dry cleaner.

–Organic Grill, 1st Avenue

Man: I’m telling you, what you should do is take a picture of yourself naked now and then in about two, three months, take another one and compare. Maybe keep doing that, you know? Keep a photo album documenting it. I think you should.

–F train

Overheard by: Jenni Unicorn

Man on cell: Okay, I gotta go ’cause I’m fucking sweating my dick off.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kevin Kilroy

College guy: Have you ever jacked off with your feet?

–TKTS, Duffy Square

Guy on cell: I have a blood clot in my asshole!

–15th & 3rd

Woman: He’s a good friend, but the sex is pretty awful. He a good kisser, but he has trouble further than that. I’m just not his type. I don’t have a penis.

–West 4th Street station

Overheard by: Rachel Adler

Puerto Rican guy: Second-best feeling in the world. First is sex. I
guarantee it.

–Barnes & Noble men’s room, Union Square

Posted on April 16, 2015
Asshole, Backdoor, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Puerto Ricans, Sex, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Yeaaahhh College!

He’s Going to Kick It, All Right

Old man: Hey, you just kicked my bag!
Young man: Dude, it was just sitting there. For all I know it has a bomb in it.
Old man: But I’m right here!
Young man: Look, you show me a bag that looks like a bomb and I’m gonna kick it, every time.

–Men’s room, Union Square Regal Cinemas

Posted on April 14, 2015
Guys, Movie Theaters, Old People, Terrorism, Threats, Union Square and East Village

That’s the Biggest Wednesday One-Liner I’ve Ever Seen on a Man

Worker: … Just stick it in your pocket. I mean, seven inches isn’t bad.

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: So I tried to set my password to "Penis".
Girl: […]Guy: It said my password wasn’t long enough.

–66th & Broadway

College kid to girlfriend: You make me feel sometimes like ten inches isn’t enough.

–12th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Strand Customer

Asian girl on cell: It’s six inches. [Laughs.] Wait… What’s six inches?

–CUNY Queensborough

Drunk guy pissing against wall, on cell: I got my dick out at 14th street! Yeah, it’s 14 inches!

–Union Square

Posted on April 14, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Boyfriends, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drunks, Frat Boys, Girls, Grand Central, Gripes, Guys, On Cell, Penis, Queens, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

Overheard in the Headlines: The Blizzard of ’06

Guy: Here’s to 5 inches or less!
Girl: …I really could take that the wrong way.
Guy: I’m talking about the storm!

–Whiskey River, 2nd Avenue

Posted on April 12, 2015
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Park Slope, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Violence

Wednesdays Rogaine Their One-Liners

Loud girl to friend: Tell them you want fuckable hair! Fuckable hair!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Girl to friend: You mean her boob-look hair puff?

–52nd St & 6th Ave

Ghetto woman to another: Why he be mooning everyone with that hairy ass?

–53rd & Lexington

Overheard by: tommy a

Man to friend: I'm Mexican, man; I was *born* with a mustache.

–Grand & Orchard

Girl, enunciatively: I support chest hair!

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: DI

Posted on April 12, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Guys, Hair, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nipples, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

But Do You Think You Can Live on $0.50 a Day?

Man on sidewalk: You ain’t nuttin’ but a whore! I fed up payin’ fo’ yo’ shit! You gonna go broke!
Woman four stories up: Sweetheart, I got a pussy! I ain’t never gonna go broke!

–11th & 1st

Overheard by: muffin girl

Posted on April 12, 2015
Couples, Money & Class, Prostitution, Relationships, Union Square and East Village, Vagina

Union Square and East Village