Hobo lady: It’s gonna rain hard!
Hobo guy: I guess I’ll get the soap ready.
–Astor Place & Cooper Square
Hobo lady: It’s gonna rain hard!
Hobo guy: I guess I’ll get the soap ready.
–Astor Place & Cooper Square
Drunk guy #1: Let’s start the East Village Fight Club.
Drunk guy #2: I’m in.
Drunk guy #1: The only rule of this particular fight club is you have to let your victim know you are beating the crap out of them for being too hip.
–7B, Avenue B
Small, nervous boy: Mom, what’s necrophilia?
Harried mother: Jesus Christ! I told you not to hang around Uncle Gary unless there’s another adult with you!
Small, nervous boy: I didn’t! My daddy was there, too!
Harried mother: Oh my god. We’re moving back to the Island.
–12th St & Ave B
Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G-strings where her forks and knives should go.
–2nd St & Ave B
Salesgirl: Do you want your boobies up or down?
–Victoria’s Secret, Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: Linda
Woman: I told Terrence not to pack that stuff in my carry-on. Security threw out all my Victoria Secrets!
–Starbucks, La Guardia airport
Overheard by: Allears
Girl: Only fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C!
–Victoria’s Secret, 57th St
Man: Do you want to get some maternity underwear to make you feel sexy?
–Greene St & Prince St
Overheard by: deadzebra
Man: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house unless you’re going to drop your panties!
–PATH train
Overheard by: blkgirl
Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Victoria’s Secret. Can you reimburse me? Dad?
–Broadway & Prince St
Overheard by: djingo
Black Guy: You’re gonna drink that? It’ll make you throw up. You’ve gotta be hard. You need your nigger-tongue if you wanna drink that shit.
–Deli, 12th St. & 4th Ave.
Girl: Guys, I saw a doppelganger for Justin Case today!
Guy: Yeah me too, his name is Justin Time.
–Virgin, Union Square
Chick #1: I went back on birth control this month. I’m using the Ring, except I don’t know if I’m using it right. I don’t want to take it out every time we have sex.
Chick #2: Wait, you shouldn’t have to take it out during sex.
Chick #1: That’s what I thought. Except, maybe I’m using it wrong, but I had sex and then afterward we couldn’t find it.
Chick #2: It can’t get lost up there!
Chick #1: It went so far up my cooter. And I swear I must have put my whole fist in there to fish it out.
Chick #2: There’s nowhere for it to go! It can’t get past your cervix.
Chick #1: How far up is my cervix?
Chick #2: Well, depends how long your vagina is. I think everyone’s is different. Maybe you have, like, a subway tunnel in there.
–Bleecker Playground
Overheard by: LMF
Woman: Morty is a great actor, you just wouldn't know it.
Morty: Yeah, I fake it in bed.
–Connelly Theatre, E 4th
Customer: Can I pay by debit?
Checkout Hippie: Yes. [laughter]
Customer: Why are you laughing?
Checkout Hippie: Because I thought what you said was funny.
Customer: OK…
–Organic Market, East Village
High school girl #1: Ugh. Sorry about that. Why does everything I say sound so stupid? It's like a disease!
High school girl #2: It is a disease! I saw it on the Discovery Channel.
High school girl #1: Oh my god! Really? I should go see a doctor.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Celia
