Guy #1: So where can I kill someone and not get in trouble?
Guy #2: I don’t know.
Guy #1: What about the ocean?
–Webster Hall, E 11th St
Guy #1: So where can I kill someone and not get in trouble?
Guy #2: I don’t know.
Guy #1: What about the ocean?
–Webster Hall, E 11th St
Big old lady yelling at MTA employee: Of course they're not coming! They're too busy fucking! Masturbating! Eating donuts!
–53rd & Lexington Subway Station
Girl to friend: Oh my god, he does things to me that make masturbation seem like bland oatmeal!
–14th & 3rd
Overheard by: TheOneThatGotAway
Teen to friend: Seriously, if I was a guy for a day, all I'd do is piss standing up and masturbate.
–Queens Center Food Court
Guy on cell: Dude, if I didn't jerk off a couple times a day I'm pretty sure I'd be a serial rapist.
–Penn Station
Short nerdy businessman to another: I didn't know I was going out with her when I beat off.
–15th St & 9th St
Overheard by: Spicoli
Blond scruffy short man on headset: Do you really think girls would go for that? You think a girl would, for a chance to win $500, watch me masturbate?
–R Train
20-something-girl to brother: I'm always tellin' you, it won't time-travel if you hit 88 mph! Slow down when you're driving!
Brother: Screw that! 1.21 gigawatts, Marty, let's go back to the future!
–11 St & 1st Ave
Girl #1: That’s weird, they don’t have any Tori Amos here.
Girl #2: Have you checked under “A”?
Girl #1: Why would it be under “A”?
–Virgin, Union Square
Lesbian #1: I love you.
Lesbian #2: Do you love me even when we’re like Bert and Ernie?
Lesbian #1: Of course! Wait, who’s Bert?
Lesbian #2: Me. I’ve been so uptight.
Lesbian #1: Great. So you’re the tall, thin, uptight one and I’m the short, fat, stupid one.
–Union Square
Shrill girl: Gawd! I wish someone would just rape her.
Gay guy: Yeah. Twice.
–14th & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Nbaker
Chick #1: You know, we’re just like robots.
Chick #2: Yeah!
Chick #1: People tell us what to do, and we have to do it.
Chick #2: We’re just like models!
Chick #1: Really?! … We’re so not models.
–Union Square
Skinny Spanish girl: That nigga was saying how he had me moaning and screaming, but I was like, "nigga, I'm just loud–that doesn't mean you're good!"
–Ft. Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: also loud
Ghetto chick to friend: Yo…in my country, it's illegal to not please your woman. You gotta fuck her till she begs you to stop.
–116th & 1st
Overheard by: DonnaRae
Man on phone: Yeah…I just fingerblasted her for like an hour. No big deal.
–E 4th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: intern2
Mom to teenage son: And I was like "sure, have sex in my bed, it never sees any."
–Mercer & W 3rd
Girl on cell: Oh no, he's back fucking his secretary now, so I'm like, completely free!
–East Village
20-something on cell, after loud graphic sex tale: And don't you be telling anyone! I don't like strangers knowing my business.
–Express Bus to Brooklyn
Guy : Yeah, Portland’s great…if you’re into heroin!
–East Village
Little boy: Myrtle kissed me. She is so sweet of me.
Mom: She's “sweet of you”? You're three years old. How do you know those words? Well, no one should kiss you except family members.
–K-Mart, Astor Place
Overheard by: Alexandra
