10-year old son to father: I'm going to punch you in the penis!
–Hudson & Desbrosses
Woman to 4-year-old: I do what I have to do to get things done. I'll even break some legs.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Girl to friend, sounding genuinely ecstatic: Yeah, he kneed me in the thigh, it was awesome.
–West Village
Woman on cell: Did you try changing its diaper? (pause) What about smacking it around a little and telling it to shut up?
–26th & 7th
Overheard by: Liz
Young woman to friend: And I was getting so fucking mad at my boss, so I reached into my bag and pulled out the emergency extra strength maxi-pad I always carry, and walked into his office and threw it at his face. And he looks at me calmly, picks it up, opens it up and sticks it to his desk, and then takes his bottle of water and starts pouring it onto the pad. So I scream, “what the fuck are you doing?” and he looks at me and says, “I want to see if the commercials are true.”
–Downtown 1 Train
Girl, loudly and enthusiastically: Everything I say is a joke!
–City Bakery, 18th St
Girl to guy: What's so funny? Did you fart?
–W 96th & Broadway
Overheard by: Megan W.
Santa, chasing scared teen: Do you think it's funny to throw things at people's heads? How about I break your face?
–42nd St
Girl: I'm really excited that, like, within our lifetime, there are gonna be funny movies about Obama.
–Manhattan Theatre Source
Overheard by: Emily B.
Laughing girl on phone: Come on, please! Please! Just take off your clothes and take pictures! (pause) Come on, mom, it would be so funny!
–Union Square
20-something skater guy to another: And then I started whackin' off, and it was hilarious.
–Broadway & E 10th St
Overheard by: Timothy
Black woman: Girl, I be crazy!
Friend: I know!
Black woman: I mean, that nigga break up with me, and I just start in with the rip-rip-rip, and I tore up his clothes, and his furs, right?
Friend: Right!
Black woman: And then he come home, and that nigga be cryin'! And I'm like, “No furs, no car, no nothin! You thought it was over? Now it's over!”
Friend: Yeah!
Black woman: And he can't do nothin' to me–I'll have his ass thrown in jail, you know. And then get him ass-raped.
Friend: What?
Black woman: Yeah, my dad's in prison. How about that, nigga? I put your ass in jail, then I get you ass-raped!
Friend: You are one crazy bitch!
Black woman: You know it! All right honey, here's the subway, gotta go, love you!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Pretty young woman #1: It was an accident…
Pretty young woman #2, yelling: You threw a fucking television at me, while I was crying over my dead chinchilla! I was grieving! How could you?
–Ghandi Resteraunt, 1st Ave
Overheard by: Danielle Lenore
Short girl: Where's Alanna?
Tall girl: I think she's off hitting on those rich kids she babysits.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Oh no!
Girl: God, I was so mad at my mom, I wanted to dip her in a vat of hummus.
Boy: What the hell?
Girl: Yeah, yeah, that's what ancient Jewish rulers did to people they were mad at.
Boy: You're not even Jewish.
Girl: Oh, yeah. You're right.
–Upper East Side
Mom to nine-year-old son: Do you want anything?
Kid, looking at variety of candy: Mmmmmm, let me see, something no one will like, so I don't get bullied for it at school.
–Deli, Hicks St & Kane, Brooklyn
Jock #1: I still want to punt a pigeon one of these days…
Jock #2: Dude! I so got one last week!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: I'd like to see you try
