Who Wednesday One-Linered Mr. Burns?

Black 30-something man: And she said, "Nigga, you wanna fuck mah titties wit a gun?"

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Amanda R.

10-year-old boy, very loudly, to 10-year-old girl: Oh, yeah, well…how many guns have you ever held?

–5 Train

Middle aged white man in shorts: Anyone awake at 2 am should be shot!

–LIRR

Overheard by: L.C.

Street performer, trying to move crowd: Okay, let's try this! White people, we are not dangerous! (lifts shirt, pats down sides) We are unarmed! Step closer!

–W 45th & 5th

Man on phone: Right. Right. Wait, what? (in shock) He don't got a gun? Well, he has to have a gun! What kinda game do you think this is?

–J Train

Army dude to friends: People shoot at me every once in awhile. Do I get tipped? No, fuck tips!

–Havanna's Bar

Posted on June 23, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Friends, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Race, Rack, Sex, Shoot, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity, Time, Trains Not Subway, Vendors & Street Performers, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

The Opposition to the Burger Crown Meets

Indian mom: Eat your chicken.
Drunk Irishman: Ach, what nice bebbies. I have a child too.
Indian mom: That’s nice.
Drunk Irishman: Just the one, though. The doctor told me wife, that’s it. No more chidren for you.
Indian mom: I see.
Little girl: Grandma, who is that man?
Indian mom: I’m your mother, not your grandmother.
Drunk Irishman: Her boss made her lift a 500 pound piano all by her self. A tiny woman! A 500 pound piano!
Indian mom: I see.
Drunk Irishman: So no more children. And me one of nine, you know. Including the one deadborn one.

–Wendy’s, Astoria

Overheard by: Loretta P.

Posted on June 20, 2015
Astoria, Drinking & Drunk People, Junk Food & Fast Food, Moms, People, Pregnancy & Birth Control, White People

…Speaking Of the Opposite Of Sucking…

Disaffected white woman #1: Stella*'s kid died last week.
Disaffected white woman #2: Oh. Well, it sucks when someone's kid dies before they expect it to… oh, Topshop's having a sale!

–Broome & Broadway

Overheard by: office peon will soon be a Vermonter

Posted on June 15, 2015
Death, Family Ties, Shopping, Soho, Stupidity, White People, Women

And I’m Gonna Tell Dick You Said That

White boy #1: I only like to watch girl-on-girl.
White boy #2: What? You don’t like dick in your porn? That’s fucking gay.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jesse

Posted on June 12, 2015
Girl-on-Girl, Manhattan, Penis, Porn, Teens, Union Square and East Village, White People

With New Stereotypes Arriving Daily, It’s Hard to Keep Up

Black bagger: I got to get me a soos. Man, I need a soos. Honey, you know where I could get me one?
Black woman paying for groceries: No.
Black bagger: Oh, hey I bet this guy knows. Hey guy! You! Do you know where I could find me a massage therapist?
White guy in line: I have no idea.
Black bagger: Oh, damn; I thought you’d know.

–Supermarket, Nostrand Ave, Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on June 10, 2015
Black People, Customers, Default, Medicine, Questions, Store, Strangers, Stuyvesant Town, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

She Meant the Melanin

White girlfriend: You’ve got something on your face.
Black boyfriend: It’s probably your hatred.

–Barnes & Noble, 8th Street

Overheard by: m-Co

Posted on June 7, 2015
Black People, Relationships, White People

The Wasteland Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to security guard: We're not fucking tourists, man, we're just trying to get back to our home in Jersey.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Metrosexual guy: There are two kinds of people I will never, ever, date. One are people who are culturally ignorant. The second is people from New Jersey.

–45th & 5th

Overheard by: Mr. Pink

Proper British woman to loud drunk guy: Go back to Jersey!

–BB King Concert, Christ United Church

Overheard by: bb

Uptight 40-something white guy: I can't wait to get safely back in New Jersey!

–A Train

Overheard by: JoshBob

Posted on June 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, Brits, Drunks, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Metrosexuals, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Port Authority, Security Guards, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

I'm Not Following You; We're Riding the Bus Together

White girl, yelling to black friend: Heather! Come to the back of the bus and sit with me!
Heather: I ain't no Rosa Parks!

–Bus, Brooklyn

Posted on May 27, 2015
Black People, Brooklyn, Friends, Girls, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Race, White People

But We Never Did Get a Ruling on the Buoyancy of Churches, Cider, and Very Small Rocks

Latina: Oh my god! This girl had a busted, Mexican-looking face with just fat everywhere. You throw her in the water, that bitch will float!
White friend: Uhhh, humans float anyway.
Latina: Whatever, she was fat.

–Richmond Hill, Queens

Posted on May 26, 2015
Education, Latinos, White People

Especially When the Bears Catch You Eating Their Porridge

Jamaican man, talking to himself: At the next stop I'm going to be white with blue eyes and blond hair.
Trashy, red-lipsticked middle-aged white woman with blue eyes and blonde hair: I can tell you from experience it's not all that.

–Downtown N Train

Overheard by: veronica

Posted on May 23, 2015
Colors, Hair, Men, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Race, White People, Women

White People

The Wasteland Of Wednesday One-Liners