Old woman: Did you see this play?
Old man: Yes.
Old woman: Well, do you know who the father of the baby is?
Old man: Well, I know it wasn’t me.
–59th & Park
Old woman: Did you see this play?
Old man: Yes.
Old woman: Well, do you know who the father of the baby is?
Old man: Well, I know it wasn’t me.
–59th & Park
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, due to backups on the F, this train is going to make express stops only at Delancey Street all the way to Brooklyn. Passengers who would like to get off at 2nd Avenue and East Broadway please get off the train and take the next train right behind us.
Sephora shopping bags woman: Right behind us, my ass! We’re all gonna die!
–F train
Overheard by: Alex Wipf
Black woman: White men are fucking idiots! They’re morons.
–M7 bus
Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer
Teenage boy: Man, I seen that guy Q…he’s all the time going to Coney Island.
–57th St. station (Q train terminal stop)
Italian guy: …so my nephew, right? He’s so stupid I gotta make him the lifeguard at my car wash!
–Taormina, Mulberry St.
Overheard by: Eric Rexilius
Wife: Just give me the whole chicken.
Hubby: The what?
Wife: I asked for the whole chicken and that’s what I wanted. Is that too much to ask?
Hubby: What were you going to do with a whole chicken?
Wife: …it’s just principle.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: B.E.
Woman on cell: I liked it, but I didn’t understand some things. Like, when you learned she was a whore. Where would you learn that? In the conversation with your mother? Why would she tell you something like that?…Oh, yeah. Now I understand. No, I liked it a lot.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Slave2theMan
Woman #1: I told my family that if I get old and can’t take care of myself to hire me a…
Woman #2: A male nurse.
Woman #1: … a young, good-looking boy.
Woman #2: A male nurse.
Woman #1: Specifically for the purpose of giving me a sponge bath.
Woman #2: I have a funny story about that.
–Park Plaza Diner, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: TG
Lady: So now I have to take a pill every day to remind myself I’m not having sex?
–Century 21, Financial District
Overheard by: Mike Barry
Woman: Excuse me. I have to put something in my dryer.
Girl folding clothes: Oh, okay.
Woman: Excuse me! I have to put something else in my dryer.
Girl: O-kay…
Woman: Now I have to take something out of my dryer…unbelievable.
Girl: Wow, you’re a case!
Woman: I’m a what?!
Girl: A case. I’ve never seen anybody so worked up over laundry.
Woman: Well, you haven’t lived very long, have you?
Girl: Not as long as you!…Have a nice day!
Woman: Fuck you!
–York Launderette, York Avenue and E. 82nd
Wife: Do whatever you want…it’s not my mother who died!
–JFK
Spinster #1: Really reminds you of your first love, doesn’t it?
Spinster #2: Yeah, that and segregation.
—Hairspray matinee
