Would It Be Feasible for Me to Throw Myself in Front Of My Own Train?

Conductor: This is a Manhattan-bound number three train; next stop is Sutter avenue-Rutland road; stand clear of the closing doors please.
[Doors close and open again.]Conductor: Please do not block the doors, stand clear, please.
[Doors close and open again.]Conductor: Do not block the doors. Stand clear, please.
[Doors close and open again.]Conductor: For the last motherfucking time, do not block the fucking doors! I know you ghetto-ass niggas don’t care about school, but some people want to get the fuck to work! Stand clear!
[Doors close and open again.]Conductor: I can’t fucking take this shit.

–3 Train

Overheard by: Morel Farember

Posted on October 10, 2021
Anger Management, Compare/Contrast, Default, Etiquette, Insults, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Race, Subway conductors, Words

Now Let's Get Slurpies!

Childish woman, after burping: I have burpies!
Older, grossed out woman: You said it, not me!
Childish woman: What?
Older, grossed out woman: You just told everyone you have herpes!
Childish woman: I don't have herpes! I have burpies!

–Q Train

Overheard by: Audrey

Posted on October 7, 2021
Etiquette, Farting & Burping, On the Subway, STDs, Women, Words

More Bookstore Fun

Woman: Excuse me, where are the literary journals?
B&N Guy: Them’s over there.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Posted on September 21, 2021
Books & Writing, Clerks, Customers, Store, Stupidity, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Tend to Ramble On

Old man at the bar: Everyday that I wake up and see that my name isn’t in the obituaries is a good day.

–Cafe des Artistes Bar

Older woman, to friend: Then we’re going to have to do the suntan lotion thing, and that’s going to be a nightmare.

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: EthanK

Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old people on this train. I bet they’re all wishing they were our age again. Suckers!

–N Train

Overheard by: Hannah

Old lady, to man playing steel drums as she dances along to the music: Shalom! That was awesome, my man!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Courtney Messer

Elderly woman to elderly friends: So then Andy comes down in his bikini, and of course all the old women go crazy…

–56th & 1st Ave

Old lady looking into fancy cafe: Another shithole!

–74th near Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Old lady: Geraldine, do you want to come up later and play… With my wireless router!

–Clark & Herny

Overheard by: Lacy

Posted on August 28, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Boys, Brooklyn, Computer, Death, Friends, Grand Central, Happiness, Judaism, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Breathe through Their Noses

Black girl on bluetooth headset: You want everyone to suck yo dick, dontcha? Dontcha?! You want everyone to suck yo dick!

–W. 59th & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Alexandra

Twelve-year-old guido, near tears, doubled over in the street screaming on his cell phone: You sucked Charlie’s dick last night, you blow job! You sucked Charlie’s dick last night, you blow job!

–Brooklyn

20 something blonde on cell: … Is that normal? [Pause.] No, it’s different every time, like it almost disappears… Then another time its all swinging and shit… Is that normal? [Listens.]Oh no! Thats just fine, like it gags me when … [Mumbles.]

–LIRR

Manager to employee: You are a cock guzzling thundercunt!

–Chelsea

Gay guy, to his friend: I mean…I may suck dick but at least I don’t take it up the ass.

–16th & 9th

Woman: Short of blowing him in MoMa, I really don’t know how to get his attention.

–A Train

Overheard by: Why MoMa?

Posted on August 26, 2021
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Black People, Brooklyn College, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guidos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Actually…

Southern college girl #1: We’re just conversing over here.
Southern college girl #2: The word is ‘conversate.’ ‘Converse’ is a shoe!

–Uptown A train

Posted on August 18, 2021
Bimbettes, Education, On the Subway, Rednecks, Southerners, Students, Stupidity, Words

Either That or a Dance Step

Teenage girl #1: What did he say?
Teenage girl #2: He just texted me back “touché”. Everyone always says that, what does that mean anyway?
Teenage girl #1: Ummm…I think it’s like “true that!”

–Nail Salon, Park Slope