Trendy girl: I mean, I like her as a person, I just don’t like what she does with my hair.
–Max, Ave. B
Guy on cell: Listen man, he’s Trump. We can put his name on anything and they’ll buy it. Put his fucking face on a fucking bottle of water and they’ll fucking buy it!
–28th St. and Park Avenue
Overheard by: G Varod
Woman on cell: There’s only one word for this party. And it is “epic.”
–CPW and 110th St.
Film student girl #1: How was it?
Film student girl #2: Dunno. He definitely shouted out “Hasselblad.”
–Bobst Library, Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Foreigner, about hot chick passerby: I would like to date her.
Passerby: I think you mean rape her.
–558 Driggs Ave, Brooklyn
Ghetto girl: There is no I in ‘team.’
Ghetto boy: There is also no I in ‘gangbang.’
–Astoria
Overheard by: Erik
Cashier to woman buying sanitary napkins: Do you want these double-bagged?
Woman buying sanitary napkins: What's that supposed to mean?
–Pharmacy, Flatbush
Overheard by: taylor
Woman #1: Kate and I saw a snake walking down State Street yesterday!
Man: What?
Woman #2: Wait… walking?
–Central Park
Overheard by: A snake? Really?
JAP, reflecting: I think I might be a drug dealer.
–Spot’s Café
JAP: Yeah! I went to Israel this summer! And they all looked at me like I was an idiot! They don’t have Uggs there… They don’t have burgers… They don’t have loosies!
–Hunter College
Jappy teen: I’ve never done anything for society and I’ve done just fine.
–University & 12th
JAP: Bitch, "Jewish" is a religion!
–17th & 6th
NYU JAP: I told my dad that I couldn’t go to the scholarship fair because I had to get my nails done, and I think we’re still in a fight!
–Goddard Hall, NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Maya G.
Jappy girl to friend: [Sighs.] I’m losing faith in humanity, one orgasm at a time.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ponine
NYU chick #1: … And, y’know, some kind of adenine, guanine, trampoline chemical thingie.
NYU chick #2: Er. You mean ‘thymine’?
NYU chick #1: That’s what I said.
–Waverly & University
Girl #1: People used to tell me that they took “gullible” out of the dictionary ’cause it was an ancient slang term and didn’t have a language of origin.
Girl #2: Oh, so like “gullibleae”?
–6 train
Overheard by: David Stein
Professor: So I told my grad students they could have an A if they earned it, or if they beat me in a 12-minute cage fight.
–Fordham Universityy
Israeli politics professor, after class: There's enough Tylenol out there to take care of your hangovers after Purim. So, all your sorry little asses better be in this class at three o'clock, Wednesday afternoon.
–Yeshiva University
English professor: Yeah, the end of the poem relates to the beginning. Every good poem has a return… just like a good walk.
–Hunter college
Professor: Of course there was marital harmony! As we all know, the family who cuts drugs together, stays together.
–Fordham Law School
Overheard by: EntertainedStudent
Professor: An example of synecdoche would be, "get your ass over here." You want all of them, not just their ass. But sometimes, you do just want their ass. And we all know how that goes. But that sort of thing doesn't happen in a classroom… usually.
–NYU
Overheard by: queenofscots
