Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Need No Water, Let the Motherfucker Burn!

Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great costume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’

–CVS, 42nd & 3rd

Crazy hobo: That’s right! Arrest me! I’ll burn half y’all houses down… And set the other half on fire!

–Brooklyn-bound Q train

Overheard by: Incitatus

Pseudo-intellectual: She called me and told me there was a bonfire in her ovaries.

–MacDougal Street Ale House

Overheard by: Ladle

Creepster: Come here… You don’t wanna know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire.

–Columbus Ave

Concerned NYU girl to boyfriend about California wildfires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?!

–Water St dorm, NYU

Overheard by: michael

Posted on December 24, 2014
About Celebrities, Accidents, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compliments, Crazies, Crazy, Creepsters, Default, Fashion, Fire, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Intelligentsia, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Students, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

We’ll Never Understand the Stay Puf’t Marshmallow Man’s Appeal

Teenybopper twelve-year-old #1: He was cute and all, but not oozing or anything.
Teenybopper twelve-year-old #2: Oh no honey, he was definitely oozing. He was hot.

–R Train

Overheard by: Fareesa

Posted on December 21, 2014
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Girls, On the Subway, Sexuality, Tweens, Words

Go Back to Williamsburg, Wednesday One-Liner!

Hipster guy: He wants to write a book about how hipsters are all about being nihilistic and getting lung cancer from oral sex.

–Hop Scotch, Ave A

Hipster guy to girl: It’s like, you can’t take my identity. I’m a film director, that’s who I am. It’s like if I was a carpenter, I would make wood. I mean, I would make buildings… You can’t just choose to be a carpenter.

–Pepe Rosso’s, Sullivan St

Asian hipster chick: You know, when you ask someone what they’re doing and they say clearing their head? I don’t think you can really do that because when you say you’re clearing your head you are really thinking about clearing your head so it isn’t clear after all.

–A Train

Overheard by: kate

Über-hipster chick to another: Bitch! Brunch tomorrow or I’ll fucking smack that headband right off you!

–8th & Bedford, Brooklyn

Hipster girl: What floor was fluffy on?! What floor was fluffy on?!?!??!

–Hookah Bar, East Village

Overheard by: Marisa

Hipster: It was a mess. I mean, you don’t want anarchists at the socialist barbecue. Haven’t you ever read Kropotkin?

–125th St

Overheard by: Ali

Posted on December 21, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Friendship, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Illness, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Philosophy, Politics, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Words

No Wonder He’s Establishment

Professor guy: Why did you decided to take this class?
Student guy: Because I heard you were groovy.
Professor guy: I do not know what this “groovy” is.

–Cantor Film Center, E. 8th Street

Posted on December 20, 2014
Compliments, NYU, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Must Be from Queens

Woman, texting: How do you pluralize "uterus"?

–TKTS Booth

Overheard by: DramaPirate

Kids entertainer, singing: Do you know what a co-creator is? To create is to make something, and when you co-create, you do it together…

–Kindergarten party, Williamsburg

Cashier with cookbook: It's got a table of continents so you can see what's in it!

–Department Store, 225th St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Student: I just love adding "izzle" to the end of words.

–Metro-North

Coworker: UPS didn't have the tracking information at first, but then they found it… Good thing, because I was about to blow a casket.

–Fordham University

Posted on December 20, 2014
Actors, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cashiers, Coworkers, Fordham, One-liners, Private Parts, Questions, Sex, Singing, Store, Students, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Women, Words

“I'm Having a Wednesday One-Liner– And It's Yours!”

Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs!

–8th & 34th

Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: It's how I got mine

Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!

–Coney Island Broadwalk

Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die!

–Broadway & Liberty

Overheard by: CG

Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass!

–Spring Street, SoHo

Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth.

–W 12th & W 4th

Overheard by: michael diamond

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Battery Park, Black People, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Crying, Death, Fears, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Nipples, Offers and requests, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Soho, The Village, Weirdness, West Village, Women, Words

Her Continued Sexual Conquest Is Like the Miracle of the Loaves and the Fishes

Chick #1: She would do something like that with her crazy ass!
Chick #2: It’s her pussy that’s crazy!
[Much laughter.]Chick #1: Ass, pussy, she don’t care! Everybody gets a piece!

–15th & 5th Ave

Posted on December 15, 2014
Ass, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Gossip, Insults, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Words

Then You’ll Be a Very Special Kind of Bitch

Mom, to little girl: Don’t you ever say ‘bitch’ again, or I will knock all of your teeth out!

–6 train

Posted on December 14, 2014
Default, Education, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Threats, Violence, Words

That’s What They Call a “Dildon’t”

Girl #1: How’s your va… [inaudible].
Girl #2: Shhhh.
Girl #1: Your vagina!
Girl #2, flustered: Shhhh!
Girl #1: Didn’t your vibrator break?
[Everyone turns around to stare.]

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Posted on December 13, 2014
Columbia University, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Etiquette, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Questions, Vagina, Weirdness, Words

Words