Words

“I'm Having a Wednesday One-Liner– And It's Yours!”

Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs!

–8th & 34th

Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: It's how I got mine

Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!

–Coney Island Broadwalk

Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die!

–Broadway & Liberty

Overheard by: CG

Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass!

–Spring Street, SoHo

Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth.

–W 12th & W 4th

Overheard by: michael diamond

Her Continued Sexual Conquest Is Like the Miracle of the Loaves and the Fishes

Chick #1: She would do something like that with her crazy ass!
Chick #2: It’s her pussy that’s crazy!
[Much laughter.]Chick #1: Ass, pussy, she don’t care! Everybody gets a piece!

–15th & 5th Ave

Then You’ll Be a Very Special Kind of Bitch

Mom, to little girl: Don’t you ever say ‘bitch’ again, or I will knock all of your teeth out!

–6 train

That’s What They Call a “Dildon’t”

Girl #1: How’s your va… [inaudible].
Girl #2: Shhhh.
Girl #1: Your vagina!
Girl #2, flustered: Shhhh!
Girl #1: Didn’t your vibrator break?
[Everyone turns around to stare.]

–Butler Library, Columbia University

And Is Your Refrigerator Running?

Customer: Do you have pancetta?
Deli guy: We have white cetta and orange cetta.
Customer: Okay. Do you have prosciutto?

–The Met, Smith St, Brooklyn

Who Is Prima Ballerinia in the Chunkiest 'Swan Lake' in History

Old Russian man (loudly): I like big tutus!
Bank teller: Yes, okay.
Old Russian man: Like my wife!

–Apple Bank, 86th St

Overheard by: hatia

Here, Let Me Help You with That

Chick looking at vagina jewelry in sex shop: I don’t understand how you put it on.
Guy: I don’t know… Oh, I see! It goes around your labia majora!

–8th Ave

I Personally Am Hooked on Squarfonics

Gay guy: Hey look, the Union Square sign is broken. It says “Squarf.” “Squarf” sounds like a verb.
Female friend: I got squarfed until I bled last night.

–Union Square

Overheard by: David

Wednesday One-Liners Sound Kinda Non-U

Student: Yeah, someone who plays the cello is a cellist, someone who makes art is an artist, and someone who writes poetry is a poist.

–Hunter College High School

Heavily accented Asian cashier to heavily accented Asian coworker: What!? Speaka English, por favor.

–J2 Deli, W 18th St

Overheard by: nick m

Bimbo looking at scoreboard: I think the "e" stands for "exqualifications" You know, for when a player is "exqualified".

–Yankees Stadium

Lady: I know what I am, he ain't gonna labelize me.

–Washington Square Park

Real estate agent: And all the doormen and service staff are Easter European.

–Park Avenue

Overheard by: Looking for an apartment

Ghetto college girl: I'll talk to you later, I gots to get my learn on, girl.

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Corey

Wednesday One-liners

Trendy girl: I mean, I like her as a person, I just don’t like what she does with my hair.

–Max, Ave. B

Guy on cell: Listen man, he’s Trump. We can put his name on anything and they’ll buy it. Put his fucking face on a fucking bottle of water and they’ll fucking buy it!

–28th St. and Park Avenue

Overheard by: G Varod

Woman on cell: There’s only one word for this party. And it is “epic.”

–CPW and 110th St.

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