Man #1: Did you hear about Anna Nicole Smith?
Man #2: Yeah, I get news updates on my website. When I read that she was hospitalized I just kept refreshing the page until, finally, she was dead.
Man #1: Dude, that’s not right.
–Elevator, 25th & 6th
Overheard by: Sarah
Drunk queer: I’m not a fucking asshole! Just because I said I didn’t like Shania Twain, I’m an asshole?!
–11th & 3rd
Guy #1: Her sister was dating Martin Short.
Guy #2: But she likes that homeless type.
Guy #1: Yeah, you’re not creepy enough for her.
–Akira Sushi, St. Mark’s Place
Puerto Rican thug #1: Man, you gotta wash yo’ hands before you touch yo’ dick, man. You don’t know what’s on ’em. Don King said that.
Puerto Rican thug #2: True that. Yo… Don King said that?
Puerto Rican thug #1: Yeah, with the hair.
–Restroom, Sony Wonder Lab, Madison Ave
Overheard by: Dan
Guy #1: Aw…
Guy #2: What happened?
Guy #1: That Terri Schiavo, the one with the feeding tube. She died.
Guy #2: Yeah, that’s too bad…I wonder what would happen if you were to blow air through the feeding tube. Do you think she would fart?
–The Westminster lobby, 20th & 7th
Woman on cell, loudly: No, no, my baby's getting fixed that day!
–5th Ave
Yuppie thug in three-piece suit, loudly on cell while riding escalator: So you sayin' it's mines? How you know it's mines? Naw naw, how you know? Bitch, kiss my ass! If they ain't been no muh-fuckin DNA test, then they ain't been no baby sprung up outta my dick! I ain't no adoption agency!
–Borders, Penn Station
Overheard by: IJustWanttoBrowseMadonna'sBrother'sTell-AllinPeace
20-something male on cell: What did I tell you about having sex with people who have babymama problems? That's why I gave up my crush on Bristol Palin.
–110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Topical
Black lady with stroller: Ohhh, no. All y'all are not fitting into this car. Stop pushin' up on my baby. Y'all need to back that shit up now. (baby starts crying) What do you want? What do you want? Are you having hot flashes? Cause I know I am. Jesus!
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: Alie
Black woman: Of all his babymamas, why he alway bothering her? He has all these babymamas and he's always bugging her. She must still be puttin' out.
–34th & Broadway
Very young pregnant woman purchasing cigarettes on: What the hell kind of difference does what you eat have on what kind of baby you have?
–Nostrand & Dean, Crown Heights
Overheard by: Siobhan
Thug #1: Kelly Bundy’s dancing on Broadway.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: She broke both her legs. I think she in a wheelchair.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: I bet she dance good. She hot.
Thug #2: I’d break her clit if I had the chance.
–F train
Girl: If I hear another show tune out of context I think I’m going to vomit. Physically vomit. You know that feeling?
Guy: Uh, no.
–42nd between 9th & 10th
Guy: What kind of dog is that over there?
Girl: I think it’s a pug, but it’s really fat.
Guy: It looks like a pig with Down’s syndrome.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Manhattman
Child: Daddy, can we get a dog?
Dad: No, they don't do anything. At least Sid and Nancy keep the mice away.
–Tribeca
Overheard by: jae
Suit: Have you ever seen Conan in HD? His face looks like a scrotum.
–Maggie’s Place, E. 47th Street
Overheard by: Grimbil
