(friend #1 looks into friend #2's Duane Reade bag)
Friend #1: Athlete foot's medicine?
Friend #2: Yeah, it's summer.
Friend #1: No! Just pee on your feet in the shower. I learned that from Madonna!
–Duane Reade, Chelsea
Overheard by: Wil Reyes
(friend #1 looks into friend #2's Duane Reade bag)
Friend #1: Athlete foot's medicine?
Friend #2: Yeah, it's summer.
Friend #1: No! Just pee on your feet in the shower. I learned that from Madonna!
–Duane Reade, Chelsea
Overheard by: Wil Reyes
Girl on cell: So I asked my doorman if I brought anyone home with me last night and he said he didn’t know! I told him it’s his job to know!
–Outside 145th subway station
Hipster girl: Santa is a man whore!
–45th & 8th
College girl: And then we’re having what I thought was a nice one night stand, and then, he’s all like "what are you doing?"
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: silvver
Indian girl: I need to up my sex number. I either wanna sleep with a professor or a celebrity. (long pause) Wait! Professors are like celebrities!
–72nd and Amsterdam
Overheard by: Vincent
Teen girl to friend: … And then my mom said to me "don’t be a ho."
–Union Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Girl: She is such a fuckin’ slut. (Pause, then indignantly) How you gonna sleep with someone for four dollars?
–Bergen and Smith
Black guy: It is the last day of Black History Month and nobody sent me a card?
White guy: Well then, happy Black History Month.
Black guy: Yeah sure, whatever!
White guy: No, seriously, thank you! Thank you for Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, Richard Pryor…
Black guy: Well I guess tomorrow I have to back to sitting in the back of the bus!
White guy: No! What are you talking about? We don’t pick on blacks anymore! That’s what gays are for!
Black guy: Ohhh!
–Graham Street station
Overheard by: Philip Rafferty
Boat PA: Ladies and gentlemen on the top deck of the boat, please do not stand on the benches. If you fall overboard, you will die in this frigid, freezing water. Thank you, and enjoy your visit to Ellis island.
–Ellis Island Ferry
Overheard by: land lubber
Urban sophisticate: Steve Irwin’s death was random. That stingray did not know where his heart was!
–Metropolitan Opera
Overheard by: Opera Onlooker
Male suit to woman suit: So, hopefully you’re not the angel of death… Are you?
–53rd & Broadway
Overheard by: S&B
Teen guy to three teenage girls: I’m pretty sure I’m invincible and can’t die.
–6th Ave
Overheard by: Justin
Woman on cell: My trip went really well, except for Marilyn’s* death and all.
–52nd St & Madison
Overheard by: kinicke
50-something professor: So, then the little girl goes back up into her room where she is reading bible verses while everyone else is in church. Then, she either dies all alone… Like Heath Ledger… Or she kills herself. We just don’t know.
–Barnard College
Male employee #1: I wish I was more like Sarah Palin.
Male employee #2: You mean, you wish you was a female? Or you wish you were a Republican politician?
–Target Store
Overheard by: amalthya
Sassy eight-year-old to mother: You don't know Spanish except what you learned from Selena.
–2 Train
Chick on cell: Watching 27 Dresses in a cheetah robe…
–110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Virginia
Little boy, as his mother asks for directions: Great, we're lost in New York City. It's like Home Alone!
–Across from Spamalot Theatre
Fag to hag: Don't you remember that time on Titanic when Leonardo DiCaprio told you not to just talk about it, but do it? He was gonna teach you how to spit like a man and ride a horse like a man, and then the ship sank and he died. This is your moment. Spit, woman, spit!
–Natural History Museum
(at a screening of The Shining)
Woman: Haha! How can a ghost open a door? This movie sucks!
–Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park
Thug to another: And she said she wanna go to the movies. And I said I don't wanna go to the movies, I want some pussy!
–57th & 9th
Overheard by: JPM
Panhandler on train: Please, I can't afford the rent at the YMCA because they just raised it. So if anyone has some money or some food or something to drink, it would really help me out. Jesus loves people who help poor people. Also, don't forget to see the new summer blockbuster Hellboy II. It's really great.
–F Train
Overheard by: JB
Girl #1: No, it's Terry Bradshaw, with a “t.”
Girl #2: No, it's Carrie, with a “c.” Carrie Bradshaw.
Girl #1: Um…no, it's Terry Bradshaw, you're wrong.
Girl #2: It's Carrie, with a “c.” You don't know what you're talking about.
–St. Mark's b/w 2nd & 3rd
Headline by: narcoleptic
Runners-Up:
· “Hopefully Matthew Broderick Can Tell the Difference” – why do we care?
· “It’s Not Sex in the NFL?” – Sandy Paws
· “Most Scores in a Single Season?” – Jen
· “One Is a Whore, the Other Had a TV Show on HBO” – 4 superbowls= tons of ladies
· “Wait, Are We Talking About the One Who Plays With Balls And Likes Being Tackled by Large Men, or the One on FOX NFL Sunday?” – Lee
Girl: I mean, I was rivaling Mary Tyler Moore in her peak for cuteness, and he didn’t even look at me.
Guy: I would totally freeze-frame you, if it’s any consolation.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Colin Hartnett
Older bag lady: How do you think mayor Bloomberg got so rich?
Woman with baby in stroller: I don't know. How?
Older bag lady: You think by being a slut?
Woman with baby stroller: Maybe.
Older bag lady: How do you think Oprah Winfrey got so rich?
Woman with baby in stroller: I don't know.
Older bag lady: You think by being a slut?
–Union Square
Overheard by: floridasunshine
Girl: So I heard that Tom Brokaw is going to be doing a lecture here in December.
Guy: Well, if he doesn’t die first.
–Bursar’s Office, City College
