Suit on cell: Yeah, but none of us respect Alex…Why? Because he’s a retard!
–53rd & 5th
Overheard by: Sara B.
Suit on cell: Yeah, but none of us respect Alex…Why? Because he’s a retard!
–53rd & 5th
Overheard by: Sara B.
Woman on cell: I can't come. I'm in the Poconos right now.
–Rite Aid, The Bronx
Punk girl on phone: Hi mom…yeah… Yeah, me and Jane are just walking around in the neighborhood… Yeah, we're at the Time Warner center right now. No! No, of course I'm not on St. Mark's. No. I'd never go there. Of course I'm sober! Why wouldn't I be? Yeah. Okay, love you, bye! (hangs up phone, now to friend with beer) Gimme some of that!
–St. Mark's Place
Russian guy on phone (in Russian): Yeah, I'm on Avenue M. I just got off, I'll be there in a few.
–Q Train, Kings Highway
Overheard by: Robert
Dude on cell: Yo! What's up? I'm waiting at LaGuardia.
–Martin Luther King High School
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm on Long Island right now. I'll be here for a little while.
–Park Slope
Female suit on phone: I have to cancel dinner tonight, I had that meeting I told you about, remember? And I'm still not back yet. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in Jersey still.
–Washington Square Park
Woman on cell outside a pub: Honey? It's mommy. We're still at the hospital. I don't know, we could still be here for hours.
–1st & 72nd
Overheard by: Well, there were hospitals nearby, at least
Guy: You are a walking Katrina, you know that?
–C train
Overheard by: Jill Beirne
Tech guy: It would suck to be a cow, then you couldn't play Street Fighter.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Blond girl, regarding Egyptian artifacts: This is just like a video game!
–The Met
Overheard by: Rachael and Ben
Mindless dude playing PSP: Damn! Why is this bitch calling me? (answers cell) What do you want, you made me stop my game! (pause) My game as in "my video game," psh! (pause) Shit, if I had any game I wouldn't be with a bitch that looks like you, now what do you want?
–A Train
Overheard by: token white chick
Ghetto kids, as 95-year-old Chinese lady walks into moving traffic: Damn, she think she playing Frogger!
–Chinatown
Friend to friend: I wonder how Super Mario Bros will influence my decision?
–Houston St & Broadway
Woman on cell: Are you really surprised that Marcus turned out to be a serial killer?
–Times Square
Overheard by: shex
College dude on cell: No, the entire male species is going to die, remember?
–Times Square
Overheard by: glad i’m a girl.
Aviator-wearing rocker wannabe: Dude, seriously, think about it. Why aren’t there more serial killers?!
–Union Square West at 16th St
Guy: You know, I pray for the days when I find bodies…
–Lorimer St & Metropolitan Ave
Columbia newspaper reporter: Dude, you can’t just kill one person and be a serial killer. You have to work up to being a serial killer.
–Columbia Spectator Office
Overheard by: And you know from experience?
Cashier to friend: Yeah, there’s this couple that comes in every week and rents serial killer movies.
–Brooklyn Video Rental Store
Overheard by: tiff
Conductor: Thank you for riding MTA, and remember to smile. You’ll confuse the people who want to kill you!
–L train
Overheard by: Paige
Lady suit: Every time I get on the subway there’s always some freak of nature sitting there. I wish they’d do something about that!
–34th & 7th
Dorky teen boy: This is the subway station?! Wow!
–2nd floor, Port Authority
Overheard by: JoBell
Lady suit: If you smoke enough pot, the B Train becomes the Hogwarts Express!
–DeKalb station
Overheard by: jaded
Blonde: I’ve only ever taken the shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square. I’ve never gone East on it. I don’t know how.
–1 train
Overheard by: minerfa
Dad to young son as doors close: Come on, come on, come on! [He holds the closing doors, and they make it inside.] Um, don’t ever do that.
–F train
Overheard by: dianora
Large black man on cell phone: They did the deal with the diamonds, then the other guy got greedy and shot up the place.
–Union Ave
Overheard by: Seth Callaway
Teen, looking around: Where are we? Are we purchasing illegal arms?
–Turkish Restaurant, Montague St.
Overheard by: Mike N
Blonde chick in pink coat, perkily: … There was no exit wound, and no bullet.
–L train
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl talking to co-worker: I live near Wall Street and there are like army men down there with machine guns and it’s scary! How do I know they don’t have Tourette’s and won’t just start shooting their guns all over the place?!
–41st & 3rd
Older suit, calmly, to his two female coworkers: I’d like to put a gun to his head and say "Nickie do the right thing or I will blow your fucking head off."
[His companions nod in understanding.]
–Starbucks
Calm Jewish fraternity guy on cell: So, I’m being deported and drafted into the Israeli army… It’s okay, I’ll name my gun after you!
–NYU Waverly Building
Guy: I'm tellin' you, man. America loves cheese. No, seriously, dude. America loves cheese!
–Ace's, 5th St & Ave B
Cute 20-something guy singing while playing soccer: Bottles of cheese, bottles of cheeeeeeeeese…
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: i'd like a bottle of cheese
Girl: I'd rather have a turkey sandwich with cum on it than cheese.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Lindsay
Distressed female student: She's such a hard grader! She's like…a cheese grater.
–Queens College
Five-year old boy: But mummy, I want goat cheese on my french fries!
–St. Regis Hotel
Overheard by: Nonok
Pilot: For those of you seated on the left, if you look out of your window you can see the beautiful Manhattan skyline. For those seated on the right… thank you for flying United.
–Flight to Newark
Overheard by: will
Captain: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I’m your captain, James T. Kirk, and today I’ll be assisted by my copilot, Ricky Bobby.
–JetBlue flight, JFK
Overheard by: jewish girl
Flight attendant: Welcome to New York’s LaGuardia airport, where the local time is way too early in the morning!
–Red-eye flight from Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Overheard by: Johanna Cipolla
Female flight attendant: In response to the many requests about what in-flight movies will be playing I have decided to make a public announcement: we are playing Gone with the Wind, and you are all free to sit on the wing to watch it. There is one oxygen mask per seat, and two in the bathroom. Why there are two in the bathroom — your guess is as good as mine. Thank you, and have a pleasant flight.
–Southwest flight to JFK
Flight attendant on PA: Be careful when opening the overhead bins. Items can shift during flight and fall on you, or even, God forbid, me.
Overheard by: Earthborn
–American Airlines flight, JFK
Flight attendant: Please take out the safety cards in your seat’s back pocket and pretend to follow along.
–United flight 7418, LaGuardia
Overheard by: Natalya Petrovna
Flight attendant: Thank you for listening to the safety announcement for this Boeing 777 service to Atlanta… [Proceeds in low whisper] Go to sleep. Go to sleep. You don’t want any beverages. Close your eyes and sleeep…
–Red-eye flight, LaGuardia
Overheard by: Drewp
Guy: So, I saw this video online of a chick who tied her beef curtains in a knot…
–Astor Pl
Chick: Maybe I should scrap my dissertation and just write erotica?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Chick: My favorite porn line, and possibly my favorite movie line ever, is, ‘Suck it, my queen. Suck it.’
–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Intern to another: They do too make gay pornography!
–42nd & Madison
Overheard by: Nicolas Agrait
Cube neighbor on phone with friend: So, the first thing she needs to do is throw it out — get rid of all the porn. I mean, she has closets and closets full of it!
–Midtown
20-something woman on cell: I may be too analytical for erotica.
–Outside Century 21
Overheard by: McFreaky
