Guy to group of friends: God, it's ball soup out here today!
Friends: Totally!
Chick: Yeah, my balls are soup!
–Ouside Spa, SoHo
Guy to group of friends: God, it's ball soup out here today!
Friends: Totally!
Chick: Yeah, my balls are soup!
–Ouside Spa, SoHo
(first nice Saturday of the year)
Thug #1 (using branch as hiking stick): Man, this weather is beautiful. This is like, weather that I dream about.
Thug #2: Yeah, but now my balls is itchin.
–Central Park
Girl, on escalator: Oh! I'm definitely getting a brownie.
Guy, on escalator: Really?
Girl: Yep, it's going to be full-fat and wonderful!
Guy: You'll eat a brownie, but you won't touch my nuts?
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Diane
Caribbean woman #1: …and so I tol’ him, “You betta take your balls, put them in your hand, and do ya job.”
Caribbean woman #2: Mmm hmm.
–Q33 bus
Girl #1 (looking at matzoh ball soup): Holy shit, this ball is huge!
Girl #2: Hahahah, that's what she said.
Girl #1: Do balls like get bigger when they're cooked?
–Hell's Kitchen
Drunk NYU dude: You guys know that loose skin around your shaft or whatever? Push it over the tip of your dick. It feels like you have three balls. Three balls! Fucking sweet!
–NYU
Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual
Dude: I swear to god dude, I can feel my balls moving from side to side today!
–5th Ave
Hipster girl: Balls have no place in my mouth. Gum, chicken, or any other kind.
–F Train
Overheard by: Teabag
Loud fat black chick : I wanna kiss the balls of the person who made these cookies.
–Broadway
Overheard by: sounds yummy
Meathead on cell: I got some good shit for you for the gym. Shoot this shit in your ass three times a week and you'll look like The Incredible Hulk in no time… I can't believe you're doing all this stuff to impress your wife. We'll see how impressed she is when you don't have any balls anymore because you're on steroids. Who knows, maybe she'll start fucking me instead.
–48th & 8th
Overheard by: vicky
Guy on phone: I know classical music well enough to know that Vivaldi had no balls.
–42nd St & 10th Ave
Female friend at bar: Why can't I find a man?
Male friend at bar: Why do I date nutjobs?
Female friend at bar: I'd take a nutjob… (long pause) Hell, I'd take a man with one nut!
–The Half Pint, W 3rd St
Overheard by: macdaddynyc
Guy #1: I took the day off. I’m going up to Long Island City to see the doctor.
Guy #2: Oh yeah? What’s the matter?
Guy #1: I have to get this boil looked at.
Guy #2: Sorry to hear that.
Guy #1: Yeah, well…normally it’s not a problem. I just pop it and it all goes away, but this one, man, I’ve popped it three times and it’s still big and painful as hell. Normally I don’t complain about these things, but man, this one is right below my balls…and it’s killing me! They tell me it’s a hair growing the wrong way. How does a hair do that?
–A train
Male barista: Sorry, we're closed.
20-something girl: Can I get a tea bag to go?
–Café, Washington Square Park
Tourist mom with mullet, trying to take a picture of cute five-year old boy: Stand by the testicles, honey. Stand by the balls!
–Wall Street Bull
Overheard by: oh tourists
Suit to street vendor: You spend the money and get blue balls…
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Colin
Guy on cell: Fucking shit! What the fuck? This fucking shit is fucking messed up! (pause) Whatever, mommy… just get me a large, it'll give me more room for my balls.
–97th St & Madison Ave
Big guy in chair on sidewalk to friend: So, I ate a pair of balls last night. Lamb balls. Hot and spicy.
–Heath St & 231st St
Overheard by: Km
Ghetto man to Dunkin' Donuts cashier: Yo, how much is da balls?
–W 148th & Broadway
