Customer: I'd like a footlong meatball sub on wheat.
Manager: What would you like on your balls, sir?
–Subway Restaurant
Overheard by: Mondoman
Customer: I'd like a footlong meatball sub on wheat.
Manager: What would you like on your balls, sir?
–Subway Restaurant
Overheard by: Mondoman
Little old black lady: Excuse me.
Metro guy in sunglasses with legs spread across three seats: (no response)
Little old black lady: Son! I know your balls can't be that big. Close your damn legs!
(other people laugh, and Metro guy closes legs)
–N Train
Big girl #1: Your ass is hanging out. You know you're too big for those shorts.
Big girl #2: Shut up. You know everyone likes watching my shit go all boom boom.
Big girl #3: You're gonna boom boom some guy's nuts off with that thing some day.
–8th & 36th
Overheard by: Km
Gay hipster boy: Oh, look at that poor “lost cat” sign. That fur balls never coming back… I can't even figure out my way back home in Brooklyn.
Fag hag: True, that.
–5th Ave & 9th St
Conductor in thick Indian accent: Everybody's stressed out on their way to work, but remember you only came on the train with two hands! If you feel a third hand on you, feel free to do whatever you want with it!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: megan rose
Young woman on cell: Daddy? Mommy said you called. Is it about your testicles?
–78th & Lexington
Overheard by: Bob
Man on cell: I just saw this human female walk by with these legs…
–SoHo
Overheard by: Another human female
Passing female coworker: Stick my finger up to the middle knuckle to make sure it's warm.
–31st St
Dorky guy to friends: So then she gets on the table and the next thing you know, one leg is over her head and I just didn't know what to do with myself…
–3rd & 23rd
Overheard by: tila
Jersey lady: Now I have to straddle him, hold on to his ears, and do it.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Wow. Just… wow.
Construction worker #1: You gonna climb that pole?
Construction worker #2: Yeah, you wanna know why?
Construction worker #1: Why?
Construction worker #2: Because I have penis and a set of testicles!
–State & 13th St
Hipster dude: So what was the special going away gift he gave you?
Hot Latin chick: He let me sign his nuts this time! He's so fucking hot.
Hipster dude: Um…this time?
Hot Latin chick: Yeah, for my birthday I signed his penis.
Hipster dude: Stupid question…did you do anything else with it?
Hot Latin chick: Dude? I'm not a slut! …jeez, man.
–Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: likethisstupid
Woman on cell: I'd love to watch football with you. I'll even hold the balls.
–92nd & Lexington
Boyfriend to guy sitting between him and his girlfriend: Hey man, can you slide over? I need some ball space over here.
–Uptown 4 Train
20-something chick: I aim for as many balls as possible.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Meister
Woman to male Target employee: Do you have balls? (brief awkward pause) Like playing ones…
–Target, Queens
Mother to kids: Okay, raise your hand if you don't have balls! (group of boys eagerly raise their hands)
–LIRR
Overheard by: Chadwick
Husband: Then I can teabag you.
Wife: Wait. They go in my mouth. Wouldn't I be teabagging you?
Husband: My teabags, my act of teabagging.
Wife: That doesn't sound right.
Husband: Whatever. Teabagging will occur.
–Metro-North Rail
Overheard by: Throwing away my cup of tea
