Simon Cowell: Your Wednesday One-Liner Was Just Horrible!

Crazy man, singing in deep tenor voice: Meow! Meowwwwwwww! Meowwwww! Meowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

–Cooper Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

White woman, singing: That's the way/uh-huh/uh-huh/I like it! Brrr! Cock-a-doodle-do!

–23rd St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Thug, quietly to friends: Daaaamn, yo! I just wanta teabag that ho! (starts singing loudly) Come back girl, I juss wanta teabag, o, I juss wanta teabag yo ass!

–Outside Tech College, 31st & 10th

Woman in bathroom stall, singing operatically: I don't have a care in the world! (sneezes) Oh my god! Damn it!

–Actor's Equity Building

Overheard by: Natalie

Boy, singing: Vagiiiiiiinas… They're eeeeverywhere, vagiiiiiinas…

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Hobo, singing: I don't neeeeed no money! (pause) Well, that's not exactly true, that's just the words to the song.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Chris K.

Posted on August 4, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Balls, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Crazies, Crazy, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Hobos, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Penis, Queens, Sex, Singing, Thugs, Vagina, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Should You Shave Your Wednesday One-Liners? Discuss.

Guy on cell, to girlfriend: I have such a headache in my balls right now.

–49th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Michael

Very drunk boyfriend to drunk girlfriend: If you can't stay here, talk to me and make this right! I'm gonna have to be a man, grow some balls and leave you!

–140th St & Broadway

Man on crowded sidewalk: Balls to butts, people. Balls to butts.

–Times Square

Girl to friends: I'd totally teabag him, but I don't got no balls.

–Brooklyn Heights

Posted on July 28, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Balls, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Couples, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Sexuality, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners

Nobody Said AA Was Easy

Hobo #1: So they said I had to do this ree-conciliation.
Hobo #2: Uh-huh.
Hobo #1: Tell you what, man: they can ree-conciliate deze nuts!

–Bowery Mission

Overheard by: h.g. #3

Posted on June 19, 2010
Balls, Hobos, Insults, Lower East Side

Wednesday One-Liners, in a Nutshell.

Man in car at stoplight on cell: Yeah, so I grabbed a towel for my nuts and ran down the stairs. Yes, I covered my nuts. So I run down the stairs covering my nuts with a towel because I knew where the smoke was coming from!

–127th & Lenox

Street tough to guy in wheelchair: So you kicked him in the nuts? (shrugs) Yeah, word.

–E 2nd St & Ave C

Overheard by: Ben Couch

Crazy man: Where's Howie? Where's my favorite nut-nut?

–Hanson Place

Overheard by: JBeck

Dude on cell while riding bicycle: It's hanging off your nuts?

–Williamsburg

Mom 20-something daughter heading to Penn Station: Should we grab our nuts, at least?

–7th Ave & 34th St

Overheard by: Just don't grab my nuts

Posted on May 26, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Crazies, Fire, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kick, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wheelbos, Williamsburg

Actually, That Might Just Be Cyanide.

Woman #1: Are there nuts in this? I'm allergic.
Woman #2: No, just almonds.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Posted on May 21, 2010
Balls, Food, Health and Hygiene, Union Square and East Village, Whole Foods, Women

Then You Don't.

College boy #1: Do we have balls?
College boy #2: I don't know.

–6 Train

Posted on April 13, 2010
Balls, On the Subway, Questions, Students

Some Girls Just Shouldn't Wear Booty Shorts

Girl #1: Where are your testicles today?
Girl #2: (stares at her)
Girl #1: Oh, fuck. I meant “spectacles”.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on April 4, 2010
Balls, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Queens, Questions, Stupidity, Words

Tonight's Movie: The Elephantiasis Man

Little boy, throwing tantrum in the street: Dad, my feet hurt. I can't walk anymore!
Dad: Yeah, well, my testicles hurt. Come on!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on January 18, 2010
Balls, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Parents, Times Square

Bye, Chippy!

Man to little dog with lady: Hi, what's your name?
Lady (for dog): My name is chippy.
Man: Hi chippy!
Lady: Hi! I'm getting my balls cut off on Thursday!

–69th & 1st

Overheard by: erock

Posted on December 31, 2009
Balls, Man's Best Friend, Men, Names, Upper East Side, Women

Eighties: Ever Miss Me?

Girlfriend: Baby, why don't you just use an electric?
Boyfriend: Who the hell uses an electric razor on their balls, unless they want them fried?

–NYU

Overheard by: Mark

Posted on December 3, 2009
Balls, Couples, NYU, Questions, Waxing, Wishes & desires