All You Need Is Wednesday One-Liner

Announcer guy: Hey girl, I love your face. And Charmin loves the other end!

–Charmin NYC Restrooms, Times Square

Overheard by: Nathan

Drunk boyfriend: Thanksgiving is over, and so is our love!

–Grand & Leonard, Williamsburg

Overheard by: fanny

Subway busker, about next song: This is not a love song. The reason that this is not a love song is because I don't like her anymore.

–Time Square

Philosophy professor on last day of class: If you love something, set it free. And if it flies away, run after it and kill it.

–City College

Overheard by: Dan Lurie

20-something guy to friend sharing iPod with him: I would do anything to live there…I would pretend to be in love.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: dallas

Woman on cell: I will skin and tar you. (pause) Oh, I love you!

–W Broadway & W 3rd St

Posted on March 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Celebrations/Parties, City College, Drunks, Friends, Guys, Lies, Love, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, Poop, Singing, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Enjoy Your Astroglide and Elle Magazine, Sir.

CVS employee: So, did you go to the gay pride parade?
Flamboyantly gay Latino man: You know, I never goes to those things, I just can't stand all the faggots.
CVS employee, with blank stare: Have a good night.

–CVS

Overheard by: wyatt

Posted on February 20, 2009
9 to 5-ers, Celebrations/Parties, Gripes, Latinos, Politics, Queer guys, Questions, Store

For I, Your Gay Boyfriend, Am a Jealous Boyfriend

Musical theater chick: But I thought I was going to plan your 30th birthday party!
Guy: You can't just go around sleeping with Australian fitness directors and then expect to plan my party.
Musical theater chick: But I thought I was going to plan it!
Guy: You're not planning shiiiiiit.

–F Train

Overheard by: JP

Posted on January 27, 2009
Birthdays, Celebrations/Parties, Girls, Guys, Insults, On the Subway, Sex

Plus the Holy Water Always Burns

40-something woman #1: I heard the New Year's Eve party at the church was whack.
40-something woman #2: Thank god I didn't go to church.

–E 42nd St

Overheard by: peterjohn

Posted on January 23, 2009
Celebrations/Parties, Church, God, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Women

With a Few More Pointless Holidays, We Could Realize Dr. King's Dream

20-something black dude looking at line for Godiva: I fuckin' hate Valentine's Day!
White dude: Yeah!

–Maden Lane & Nassau St

Posted on January 12, 2009
Black People, Celebrations/Parties, Gripes, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People

In a Big Red Suit?

Upset three-year-old: I wanna see the balloons go up in the sky!
Father: We'll see it all on tv in the morning and guess who will be at the end of the parade. He's a very very special guest.
Upset three-year-old (now sobbing): Barack Obama.

–81st & Columbus (Macy's Balloon Inflation Site)

Overheard by: Not having children for a long time

Posted on January 10, 2009
Celebrations/Parties, Dads, Kids, President, Questions, TV, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Close, That's Courtney Love

(at Thanksgiving Parade, Santa's float is coming)
Grandma: Everyone's screaming, it must be someone big!
Little kid: It's Britney Spears!

–40th St & 7th Ave

Posted on January 9, 2009
About Celebrities, Celebrations/Parties, Families, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

A NYC Bathroom Is a Multi-Purpose Space

Old white man, with beard and metrosexual outfit: How was that party?
Obnoxiously loud Indian girl: Shit, there was this really gross dude. He was so gross and so horny!
Old white man: Was he hitting on you?
Obnoxiously loud Indian girl: No. He was was hitting on every girl at that house party. He went up to each of my friends. Oh, he's so gross. They were each telling him to get away.
Old white man: He was probably the only straight guy invited to the party, then.
Obnoxiously loud Indian girl: He was so gross, he started talking to my friend. Later I walk in the bathroom, and she is fucking him!

–Union Square

Overheard by: H Ramachandran (rolling my eyes)

Posted on January 6, 2009
Celebrations/Parties, Girls, Horny, India Indians, Men, Old People, Sex, Union Square and East Village, White People

Someone Ought to Tell Them That There Is No “Joe”

Hungover girl #1: Oh my god, last night was so much fun! Joe kept making out with me and telling me how coked up he was.
Hungover girl #2: Oh my god, he kept making out with me too!
Hungover girl #1: Isn't he such a good kisser?

–FIT Elevator

Overheard by: MKG

Headline by: Seth

Runners-Up:
· “”Ohh- Is This YOUR Gum, Then?”” – ~m
· “And Now Our Babies Will Be Born on the Same Day!” – Katie Darling
· “Next Week, on The Bachelor…” – Catie
· “The Reason Pablo Escobar Was So Successful…” – Prashant
· “To Be Fair Though, They Share Underwear Too.” – Sam

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on January 1, 2009
Celebrations/Parties, Cocaine, Drunks, Elevators, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Promiscuity

Wednesday Fa La La La Liners

Nerdy middle aged white woman to postal clerk: Yes, I'd like just one sheet of the Disney, and one of the Kwanzaa.

–Cathedral Station Post Office

Overheard by: Emily B.

Woman yelling down a stairwell: Happy holidays to you, ma'am! Hope you choke on a candy cane!

–Central Park South

Overheard by: Daisy Mae

Girl: One morning, I woke up and I thought it was Christmas. Then I went outside and I realized it's not Christmas!

–57th & Columbus

Overheard by: Have a holly jolly Columbus Day?

Irish tourist woman: You went to Macy's? Did you see outside? They have black Santas here.

–Brendan's Bar

Overheard by: Danny

Old guy scanning tickets, singing quietly to self after each bar code beep: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way…

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh!

Conductor on speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, we will be arriving shortly. In case you haven't finished your Christmas shopping, feel free to stop by the Metro North booth. You could buy a 10-trip for the kids, a weekly for the wife, or a one-way for the in-laws. Merry Christmas.

–Metro North

Overheard by: Christmas Spirit

Posted on December 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Celebrations/Parties, Central Park, Clerks, Conductors, Disney, Family Ties, Food, Foreigners, Girls, Holidays, Madison Square Garden, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nerds, Old People, One-liners, Passengers, Post Office, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Shopping, Street, Stupidity, Time, Tourism, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

Celebrations/Parties