Chick #1: Do you have a safety pin?
Chick #2: What’s a safety pin?
Chick #1: Are you serious?
Chick #2: Yeah, I mean, what’s the difference between a safety pin and a paper clip? I know they both hold shit together, but, like, what’s the difference?
–23rd & 1st
Overheard by: Carly
Girl: It smells like blasphemy!
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: I only smelled mulch
Tattooed chick: It’s Christa. You remember, Christ with an A, because I’m so fucking godlike.
–8th & A
Overheard by: Meredith
Guy: She looks like the female version of Dave, which is a bit disconcerting to me…He looks like traditional representations of Jesus.
–Manhattan bound L train
Overheard by: Philip
Guy: Me and Jesus don’t get along.
–W 30th, between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: Maggie
Femme on cell: So, like, our periods stopped at the same time for two hours so we could have sex and I was like, God loves me. Jesus was clearly gay.
–103rd & Broadway
Middle-Aged lady: Yeah, you can’t go switchin’ churches like that. That’s too many different spirits. You’ll be dealin’ with demons and stuff.
–F train
Overheard by: Yanni
College guy: No, really, dude. The guy’s a full-time, licensed exorcist!
–W 4th St A/C/E uptown platform
Overheard by: EJ
Muscular dude: I am devoted to crack but not to Christ! Please explain that to me. I’m a good crackhead, but I ain’t a good Christian!
–Downtown 1 train
Street vendor: NYU students, you gotta love them. They be going through hell and jumping out of windows and shit.
–Spring & Broadway
Girl #1: James told me that Sara and Greg just got a dog together!
Girl #2: Oh my gawd, they’ve only been together for, like, two months!
Girl #1: I know! James asked me if I wanted to get a dog with him and I was like, “Hello, I’m not even ready to have an abortion with you yet, let alone get a dog!”
–Serafina restaurant
Overheard by: Appalled
Tammy Ealom: When I’m in New York, I eat way too much Chinese food.
Dude: Did you go to Chinatown?
Tammy Ealom: No, just some place up the street. When you come from Denver, pretty much everything is good.
–Dressy Bessy show, Sin-e, Attorney & Stanton
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Girl on cell: What? What do you mean? What do you mean your audition is gonna be in a bathroom?
–42nd and 10th
Overheard by: dk
Hurrying lady: …and a urinal cake is worth fifteen points.
–43rd & 8th
Overheard by: Casper
Gay usher, loudly: Sex just isn’t the same when you’re constipated.
–Daryl Roth Theatre, Union Square
Hipster girl: So I just said to him, “Bye, I have to go now. I have diarrhea!”…Diarrhea is like the anti-aphrodisiac.
–Brooklyn bound F train
Woman on cell: Did you just say that you had a dream where Gene Wilder peed in your closet? Like, Willy Wonka, pissing on your clothes? Okay, I just wanted to make sure I heard correctly.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: baffled
Dude: Nah, I wouldn’t piss on someone if I didn’t know them.
–Bar, Queens
Man, to woman having trouble with the bathroom door: Oh come on, you fucking cunt, work the damn door. Big fucking place like this, they got only one bathroom, I am fucking pissing on the floor. I will piss on the damn floor. That’s my fucking right as an American. I’m a patriot. Patriot, that’s an adverb. An action adverb. Mrs. Riegell told me in third grade if you have a syllable you’ve got an adverb, and I got a damn syllable, so damnit, I’m pissing on the fucking floor.
–Virgin Megastore, Union Square
Woman on cell: Yeah, my flight to Kansas City is delayed…Well it’s either this or back to the mental institution.
–Women’s restroom, LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: morgan from missouri
Girl #1: My poop is like my cat’s.
Girl #2: Like pellets?
Girl #1: No, like chronic diarrhea.
Girl #2: Why don’t you take it to the vet?
Girl #1: I havn’t even taken myself to the doctor, so why would I bother going for the cat?
–Time Warner Building, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Hipster girl: You know what? You cook the way I do art.
Hipster guy: Huh?
Hipster girl: You don’t do it unless it’s perfect.
Hipster guy: That’s true.
–dinner party, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Suparna
Guy: Yeah, they said that they didn’t have a paycheck for me this week, but they could pay me in cheese.
–44th & 9th
Overheard by: Melanie
Girl: You’re like McDonald’s: over one billion served!
Guy: So what does that make you: an extra value meal?
–7th & B
