Six-year-old boy pushing shopping cart: Daddy, look! Beer!
Dad: Yes, that’s beer.
Six-year-old boy: We have to get some beer.
Dad: No, we’re not getting any beer today.
Six-year-old boy, bummed: Okay, we won’t get any beer today.
–Gristedes Supermarket, 40th & 2nd
Six-year-old girl: Wow! Look at those go-go boots. The East Village is so multi-cultural.
Her father: You think so? It’s mostly rich, white people now.
–East 7th St
Little girl: Daddy, why did that car just honk?
Father: Because they were from Jersey. (pause) People from Jersey are loud for no apparent reason.
–38th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Rosey
Little girl: How do you spell your name?
Father: D-a-d-d-y.
Little girl: Shark?
–Clean-R-Laundromat
Gleeful little boy: We will, we will fuck you! We will, we will fuck you! [Bursts into giggles.]
–1 train
Overheard by: caitlinj
Guy: I mean, I wasn’t expecting being fucked, either!
–55th & 8th
Overheard by: Mariah
Guy on cell: You know what? Cleo fucked you, so fuck it — we’re fucked.
–Forest Hills
Tough guy with five-year-old: Hey, buddy! Don’t fucking push me! I’ve got my fuckin’ kid here!
–1 train
Overheard by: wba
Hispanic lady with stroller, on cell: Mothafuckin’ [Spanish]… Fuckin’ asshole [Spanish]… Son of a [Spanish]… Fuckin’ mothafuckin’ [Spanish]… Bunny rabbit [Spanish]… Fuck.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mike N (doesn’t speak Spanish)
Little girl: Where’s mommy?
Father: I told you, sweetie. Mommy’s getting her new tattoo.
–10 St & 6th Ave
Female suit on cell: And if we get custody, we can take the girls to North Carolina! Fuck it! Yeah, we can!
–37th St & Madison
Overheard by: catching a train
Little boy: Mommy, is California really far? Would we have to take the f train to get there?
–N Train
Crazy-eyed lady on subway: The public schools failed my son! He flunked out, and now he's getting all As in private school! We need to stop putting money into Georgia and put money into our schools! You know what else we need to do? We need to drill in Alaska, because if we don't, Russia's going to get a pipeline in there and take it all!
–Uptown R Train
Overheard by: Anna P.
20-something woman: I think he's just going to club me…and drag me back to Alaska.
–Bleecker & 11th
Overheard by: Imma club you
Father to five-year-old daughter touching signposts and cars: You can rub anything you want in Connecticut, honey, but we have to be careful in New York.
–Union Square
Thugette: Ohio was mad crazy. Hillbillies be fucking chillin' on the block. Ain't no one had teeth! No one! You ever seen one of those movies where some white guy goes fucking crazy and kills, like, ten people? Like he's walking down the street and just stabs a cat in the neck? It was like that.
–V Train
Tourist father to family, crossing mid-block: Okay, this is our first jaywalk!
Little kid: I'm so excited!
–45th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Linda Stein
Little girl: Dad. Dad. Dad.
Dad: Stop pulling on me. What?
Little girl, pointing up at an enormous black man: He looks like a big chocolate bar!
Dad, with a forced grin: She’s five.
–Line, Grace’s Market Place
Teenage boy in Boston Celtics jacket: Ewww, this is Jackson Heights?
Father: Yeah, I guess so.
Bored tween girl: Can we go back to the hotel, puh-lease?
Mom: Not yet. I want to find where Ugly Betty lives.
–Jackson Heights
Overheard by: Jellobelle
