Drunk Claire: Steph, we’ve been best friends for, like, 15 years now. You are like, totally my very best friend, but I wish you could, like, make more time for me, you know? Like, I know you have your grandmother’s party coming up and all–
Drunk Steph: Claire, my grandmother died 4 years ago.
–West Village
Chick: Yeah, deers aren’t that bad. You’re in trouble if you hit a cow, though. And even worse would be a moose, because if you don’t kill it it’s gonna kill you!
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Danger!!!!
Man: A woman was killed today by a falling cross.
Woman: Oh my God!
–Madison & 42nd
Girl #1: I love Kurt Cobain. I so would have had sex with him.
Girl #2: That’s like #60 in a long line of dead celebrities you would have had sex with. You’re such a slut!
Girl #1: No, see, you can have sex with as many dead celebrities as you want and not be a whore. It’s the rules.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Guy on cell: I’m going to kill you, and it’s going to hurt. You know that, right?…I’m not talking shit!
–Duane Reade, 44th & 5th
Dude #1: That party was fun. It was hot, though.
Dude #2: Yeah, it smelled like hot ass in there.
–Loews Hotel, Lexington & 51st
Guy: Yo, she smelled like dead hell!
–Flatbush
Puerto Rican Girl #1: So I saw Jose at his job? And it was kinda cool? Because I’m not afraid of gross and freaky shit.
Puerto Rican Girl #2: Uh huh.
Puerto Rican Girl #1: And you know, they make good money. You just gotta go to school for a couple years or somethin’. And not be afraid of gross and freaky shit. You gotta study–what is it called?
Puerto Rican Girl #2: Morturary science?
–A train
Woman on cell: Number one: I'll tell you what you can do with that fish. You can shove it right up your ass! (pause) Number two: You know what you can do with that fish? You can shove it right up your ass!
–Steps, The Met
Overheard by: gossipgirlish
Boy to mother: Mama, can we surprise grandpa with a catfish?
–Central Park East
Overheard by: walter
Woman reading map: No dead fish in Nebraska.
–D Train
Overheard by: Sunny
Girl to guy friend at hip hop show: That chick just sprayed her coochie with perfume. Now it smells like a fish died and the other fish sent flowers.
–Voodoo Lounge, 1st Ave
Girl to friend: When I was in 4th grade my teacher made me take the butterflies home to let them grow. What happened? They fucking died! I came back to school and looked like an idiot because I was the only black girl in my class. Leave it to the damn black girl to kill the butterflies and ruin it for the whole class!
–52nd St
Man to woman on lunch date: Pussy makes the world go round. When you're 85, dyin', you don't want to regret it if you never got to stick your head up there, or whatever. You wanna die sated.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Christine
Man, as two women approach: Vagiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaa!
–Washington Square
Overheard by: Joe
Hipster on cell: I don't even know you! I do not want to see your vagina.
–Park Ave & 22nd St
Overheard by: Sophia
Suit on cell: I'm gonna cut off her cunt and make her wear it as a hat!
–Times Square
Teenager to friend: That girl has a Stargate vagina. You put it in and, bam, a kid pops out!
–Catherine St & Madison St
Girl at speed dating event: …like my vagina!
–Watering Hole, E 19th St
