Just Wait 'Til You Have Wednesday One-Liners Of Your Own!

Ghetto guy herding large group of rowdy kids off train: Scuse me, scuse me, scuse me! Lotta kids, they all ain't mine!

–C Train

Overheard by: Julie S.

Professional woman on cell: I mean, she said she'd finally come to the place where she realizes her kids are shit, and she can just wash her hands off the whole situation and be done with it!

–40th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rachel

Receptionist to UPS guy: Shit, I got five kids, and they're all bad.

–6th Ave & 47th

Overheard by: thanks mom

Angry woman, yelling on phone: Nigga, don't give me that "parenting role" shit!

–Flatbush Ave & Park Place, Brooklyn

Concerned mother: He's not even potty-trained, all he does is eat the toilet paper.

–University Pl & 8th St

Overheard by: Justin

Posted on February 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Should've Used a Condom, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

When Soldiers Have Hippie Children

Boy: I didn’t know you were a serial killer!
Man: I’m not a serial killer! I am your father!

–St. Mark’s, between 2nd & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Irish Eyes

Posted on February 3, 2015
Family Ties, Kids, Lower East Side

Just Preparing Myself for the Inevitability

Gay guy #1: I would go crazy if my mom died, I would be on Vicodin.
Gay guy #2: You are on Vicodin.
Gay guy #1: I know.

–D Train

Posted on February 3, 2015
Death, Family Ties, Medicine, On the Subway, Parents, Queer guys

Judas’s Mama, Not So Much

Overhead announcement: At this performance, the role of Simon will be played by Jason R. Cook.
Southern tourist: Jason’s mama is prrroud tonight!

–Broadway Theatre

Posted on February 2, 2015
Default, Family Ties, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Southerners, Theater, Theater & Dance

How Bristol Palin Meets All Her Suitors

Guy on cell: Just because I slept with your mother doesn't mean you could call me daddy!
Girl on train: You could be my baby's daddy if you want!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Richard B.

Posted on February 2, 2015
Baby Mama/Daddy, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, Passengers, Sex

Eyeliner Tattooing? Definitely.

Girl: She got it for her grandfather.
Guy: He ain't gonna like that.
Girl: You don't know him.
Guy: All I'm sayin' is unless she wins the lotto, she's never gonna be anything but middle class.
Girl: She ain't even middle class!
Guy: I mean she won't get any better than that. Companies just don't hire people with face tattoos. But maybe it's different for girls.

–168th St

Overheard by: Acacia Graddy-Gamel

Posted on January 30, 2015
Family Ties, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Physical appearance, Tattoos, Washington Heights and Inwood

A Wednesday One-liners Short Story

Guy: My wife is just a hoot. She just tries and tries to undermine me.

–Craft, E. 19th Street

Girl: She’s into God and stuff like that. I hate that shit.

–C train

Overheard by: jason steinhauer

Slut: …all I know is that it’s $40,000 and you’ve gotta buy him breakfast in the morning.

–Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Posted on January 22, 2015
Family Ties, Girls, God, Guys, Hootchies, Prostitution, Wednesday One-Liners

Said There Was No Point in Both Of Us Suffering

Little Jewish girl: Where's my brother? Does daddy know where he is?
Jewish mother: Sweetie, your daddy went to get a latte while mommy was giving birth to your brother, that shows how much he cares.

–Riverside Park

Overheard by: Leigh

Posted on January 21, 2015
Drinks, Family Ties, Jewish Moms, Jews, Kids, Manhattan, Parents, Parks, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions

Don’t Forget Dinner at a “Celebrity Hangout”

Chick #1: My brother got me a $50 gift certificate for Anthropologie.
Chick #2: Well, I got you a manicure. That must qualify as the best given by someone who didn’t come out of the same womb as you.

–Senor Swanky’s, Bleecker Street

Posted on January 15, 2015
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Family Ties, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Restaurants & Cafes

I Avoided the Lease-End Mileage Penalties

Young woman #1: So, my niece just gave him a blowjob… I’m so thankful.
Young woman #2: I know, right?

–A train, W 4th St

Overheard by: Paco

Posted on January 15, 2015
BJs, Families, Family Ties, On the Subway

Family Ties