Boy doing Chinese worksheet: This is so hard.
Friend: That's what she said!
(five minutes later)
Girl doing Chinese worksheet: Oh my god, this is so hard.
Friend: That's what she said!
(five minutes later)
Another boy doing Chinese worksheet: Dude, this is so hard.
Friend: That's what she said!
Girl at front of room: The next person to make that joke gets a pickaxe through the brain.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Chick #1: I’m telling you, he’s gay! He wouldn’t even make out with me when I, like, threw myself at him!
Chick #2: You needed to see yourself, though. You looked like a mess.
Chick #1: Fuck you, cunt.
Chick #2: I love you.
Chick #1: I tell ya, if anyone ever hung around us they’d commit us both!
Chick #2: Or just you.
Chick #1: I don’t want to be friends anymore.
–Houston & 2nd Ave
Lesbian #1: We should start worshipping Satan.
Lesbian #2: Yeah! I bet we could be the first lesbian church of Satan worshippers.
Lesbian #3: That is so hot.
–French Roast, 11th & 6th
Chick: What is she waving around? Is that a penis pop?
Dude: Yes.
Chick: What flavor is it?
–Montien Thai, 12th & 3rd
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Gay guy: Hey look, the Union Square sign is broken. It says “Squarf.” “Squarf” sounds like a verb.
Female friend: I got squarfed until I bled last night.
–Union Square
Overheard by: David
Woman: Oh, yeah, you know — like how Taco Bell had that Ebola virus outbreak.
Friends: Oh, right…
–Queens-bound R train
Overheard by: Nikki W
20-something girl: It's made just from the hair of Russian virgins.
20-something female friend: That's gross. It's like they're sacrificing them or something. And what–are they, like, children?
20-something girl: Well, maybe just the hair is virgin, like it's never been dyed.
–Columbus Circle
Unfortunate-looking guy: …and I met this girl there so I'm pretty excited to go back.
Female friend: Is she blind?
Unfortunate-looking guy: No, she's actually a brunette and she's got freckles.
Female friend: No, I asked you if she was blind.
Unfortunate-looking guy: I missed you so much.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Lauren
Guy #1: Dude, I really want crab salad.
Guy #2: Okay.
Guy #1: I really want some crab salad. It’s only five forty-nine per pound here! I think Im going to get a pound. I really want crab salad.
Guy #2: Dude, why don’t you just eat out Ada?
–Deli, Broadway between 10th & 11th
Overheard by: tina t lin
Woman on cell: Oh, and by the way, I called my mother to thank her. (pause) No, I said, "Mom, I'm calling on behalf of me and the girls to thank you very much." (longer pause) Well, she can just go fuck herself then.
–90th & Amsterdam Ave
Man on cell: You know a guy really likes a girl when he takes her home to meet his mom…and you know what, Sheila? You ain't never gonna meet my mom.
–South Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: smfd
Female college student to friend: We really need to cougarize your mom.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Oh really
Guy: So, hey, my mom didn't die today.
–W 26th & 8th
Overheard by: Katie_AK
Girl sneaking into open conductor's room in front of the train: Next stop, your mother's asshole! Stand clear of the closing cheeks!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Adriana
Handbag seller on street corner: Yo! Tell yo mama I got her bag right here!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Taryn
Girl on cell: Yeah, I'm bussin' it for now, my mom's on this thing that I have to show her responsibility… I know, it's like I get up in the morning, I haven't gotten arrested in a while, and I have a job, what more do you want from me?
–Seguine Ave & Waterbury, Staten Island
