Anthony Michael Hall: “Can I Borrow Your Wednesday One-Liners for 10 Minutes?”

Professor: They make disposable everything these days. Disposable diapers, disposable razors. They even make edible underwear, don't they? (class is silent) Yes! They do! (pause) Maybe I'm telling you more about myself than I should be…

–Wagner College

Girl: Wait, my panties!

–Franklin St

Guy on phone: I told you to take your thong off!

–60th & Columbus

Man: I do not want to know your bra size! Ever!

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Christina M.

Guy on cell: He wore boxers and it was like, "okay, so you hang to the left…"

–W 46th St

Older gentleman to lady friend: If this keeps up, I'm going to have to start wearing underwear.

–14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on December 17, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Clothing, College, Directions, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Height, Hunter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, School and studying, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

We Apologize to Ms. Stiles on Behalf Of All New York's Awful Men

Professional 20-something girl: Julia Stiles came into the office today.
Guy friend: Did you fuck her?

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Fi

Posted on December 17, 2014
About Celebrities, Friends, Girls, Questions, Sex, Starbucks

Do Wednesday One-Liners Amuse You? Do They Exist to Make You Laugh?

Professor: Fat people are often funny.

–Baruch College

Girl to friend: When she OD'ed on him, it was so funny!

–Riverdale

Overheard by: Caitlin

Ditzy-looking middle aged woman on cell: The funniest thing today with the kids! They slammed me to the door and one of them bit my arm and I drew blood! (pauses) Yeah, I know, I'm going back tomorrow!

–F Train

Girl: So, like my friend thought it would be funny to jump in a pool that didn't have water in it.

–8th St & Broadway

Brooklyn artist: After four or five organic vodka tonics, all the ironic hairstyles in the bar start to actually be funny.

–Williamsburg

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Artists, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hair, Hard Drugs, Laughter, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, The Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

…Wanna Get a Hotel Room After This?

Smashed male Yankees fan: Yeah, I am married. So what's the problem with your life?
Equally hammered female Yankees fan: I don't swallow, and I have two twenty-year-old twin boys.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Jabroni

Posted on December 15, 2014
Family Ties, Friends, Kids, Marriage, Parents, Questions, Trains Not Subway

Wasn’t There Some Kind Of Angel with a Turkey Baster?

Teen girl: You know what I don’t get?
Preppy friend: What?
Teen girl: If Mary was a virgin, how did she get pregnant?
Preppy friend: Uh…I think a white dove came down and landed on her.
Teen girl: … And where did it land?
Preppy friend: On her shoulder.
Teen girl: So a dove–
Preppy friend: A white dove. Impregnated mary on her shoulder. Yeah.
Teen girl: Who told you that?
Preppy friend: Sara, in Geometry.
Teen girl: … Sara is Jewish, you idiot!

–McDonald’s, Park Ave

Posted on December 15, 2014
Birds, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Judaism, Lies, Preppies, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Stupidity, Teens

Her Continued Sexual Conquest Is Like the Miracle of the Loaves and the Fishes

Chick #1: She would do something like that with her crazy ass!
Chick #2: It’s her pussy that’s crazy!
[Much laughter.]Chick #1: Ass, pussy, she don’t care! Everybody gets a piece!

–15th & 5th Ave

Posted on December 15, 2014
Ass, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Gossip, Insults, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Words

Catch-of-the-Day Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on bench to friend: What did you do? You can't just eat a fish!

–Central Park North

Chick on cell: Were we attacking each other with goldfish last night?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman to friend: And on top of that, I hear she smokes like a fish!

–Columbus & 67th

Overheard by: abcnews

Girl on cell: I don't have snakeskin shoes, but I have these fish shoes I really love. Yeah, they're made out of fish scales. They're awesome.

–Penn Station

Middle-aged African American woman: I went to eat in the Bronx and she gave me naked fish.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: the guy behind the guy

Posted on December 15, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, NYC Geography, On Cell, Penn Station, Questions, Shoes, Smoking, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

You Can’t Fix Everything with Explosives

Old guy browsing power tools: What about a bomb?
Buddy: A bomb? … We already talked about that.

–Home Depot, 23rd St

Overheard by: Benjamin

Posted on December 14, 2014
Friends, Guys, Old People, Questions, Shopping, Store, Time

Is It Really an Accomplishment to Score Pussy If You’re Gay?

Hipster: I’ve been meaning to talk to you about your new look. It’s rather… um… guido.
Guido: Yeah, I know. But the pussy, dude — the pussy, you wouldn’t believe.
Hipster: It better be good, because your eyebrows are waxed. And you’re a man.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: guido hater

Posted on December 13, 2014
Advice, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fashion, Friends, Guidos, Hipsters, Physical appearance, Sex & Relationships, Sexuality, Washington Square Park, Waxing

Friends