Man #1: I don't know, I just don't really like public showers.
Man #2: Who does?
Lady: Faggots.
–Graffiti, 10th St
Man #1: I don't know, I just don't really like public showers.
Man #2: Who does?
Lady: Faggots.
–Graffiti, 10th St
Queer: Can I bum a cigarette? I’m about to get my dick wet.
Flamboyant queer: That’s something straight people say.
Queer: Can I bum a cigarette? I’m about to get my dick stinky.
–Soho
Overheard by: Daniel Scott
Latino middle school boy: Barack Obama’s gay!
Black middle school boy: No he ain’t! He’s black!
–F Train
Overheard by: West Coast Courtney
Gangsta retail guy: So this party last night was for real, totally got blasted, couldn't even wake up this morning…
Gay retail guy: I'd come to one of your parties, but all you guys do is get wasted.
Gangsta retail guy: Yeah, I'd go to one of your parties too, but all you guys do is fuck each other.
–Target, Bronx
Overheard by: Good Craic
Enthusiastic 20-something: Oh, is that ciabatta? Yummy! Whenever I see ciabatta, my pussy starts to swell!
–Broadway & 13th
Random passerby: He wants a vagina. In and around his mouth.
–The Village
Cute NYU blonde: He won't like, touch my vagina with his hands. That means he's gay, right?
–Mercury Lounge, LES
Drunk Latina to drunk white girl whose boyfriend stepped out to get a paper bag: Girl, just tell him to take you home. Tell him you want to sleep tonight. Tell him your pussy is closed!
–McDonald's, 14th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: ehka
Girl in gym: Everything on my body is flaccid, except my vagina.
–Fordham Gym
Woman with nasal voice: I just really need to get out of here, I'd prefer to go someplace warm and interesting. But I don't know where it's warm and interesting.
Yuppie man: My boss–well, I guess I should say “my partner,” cause I made partner…but it sounds so (sexual voice) homosexual to say “my partner randy”…anyway, he just came back from Argentina and he loved it.
Woman with nasal voice: Oh! I just went to Argentina, actually. And then to Uruguay. We went to this little town, it was pretty much the Hamptons of South America.
–Barnes & Nobles, E 86th St
Straight guy #1: I love Queen.
Straight guy #2: Yeah, Queen is awesome.
Straight guy #3: I would totally go gay for Freddy Mercury. I’m just throwing that out there.
–22nd & 7th
Overheard by: Lolito
Flagrantly homosexual Hispanic drag queen: So, I was like, lookin', and I realized what we been hearin' is true! And damnnnn, he looked hot.
Equally homosexual drag queen who unfortunately retained many masculine characteristics: What?! She's a man now?!
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: Kat
Nine-year-old boy: Sometimes I just think I am a robot. I mean, aren't I a robot?
–E 17th & Broadway
Overheard by: definitely human
Tall guy: Yeah, you have to learn not to trust those shifty-eyed robots.
–Union Square
Hipster: And, like, he wasn't even gay… he was just not human.
–88th & Park
Comic book guy: No, not Optimus Prime. But yes, I have had sexual thoughts… about robots.
–40th & 7th
Cute chick: You don't need a sex robot to have sex with a robot.
–Old Town Bar
Overheard by: Lieut. Liplock
Meathead to friend: Yo, you ever ride the monorail from here? It goes from Jamaica to da airports, it's a pretty cool trip just to see. We should take it quick, you wanna?
Friend: Yo, bro, we're on a train, you want me to detour all the way to JFK so you can ride the fucking monorail? Yo, how homo are you?
–LIRR
Overheard by: rick
