Gay guy to passersby: Spare an asshole for a gay man?
–Union Square
Man to woman: It's not that I'm an asshole; I just don't want to be seen with you.
–Bar, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Eric
Hipster chic: You could fit a globe in your asshole, it's so big.
–Bedford Ave & 3rd St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: letthemusicplayy
Woman, answering cell: Hey, asshole!
–Rite Aid, Grand Central
Gay man: You know how when the cops come to arrest some guy in the middle of the night, there's always some screaming woman in bed with him?
Girl: Yeah?
Gay man: I was that woman!
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Man to confused ladies turning around to exit porn shop: We have straight stuff too!
Women, re-entering store: Oh! In that case…
–Chelsea
Headline by: Paul Tabachneck
Runners-Up:
· “All Our Dildos Are Unisex…” – Jacques
· “But You’ll Need to Enter the Store Via the Front Door” – Zorak
· “Do You Have Any Dildos Shaped Like Clay Aiken?” – Clay got a bitch preggers…
· “I’ll Take 600 Of Your Finest, Blackest Dildos, Please.” – porter
· “Ironically, It’s In the Rear.” – Allison
· “It´s In the Back Behind the Curtain” – Deek
Guy: I’m the only guy here.
Girl #1: But Moses will be here soon. Wait, that won’t change things.
Girl #2: Yeah, he’s more like half a guy.
Guy: Half a gay guy.
–Manhattan bound F train
Overheard by: Julz
Yuppie: I hate you. You totally made me buy this. It’s fabulous!
Sales queen: That’s why I’m gay.
–Saks Fifth Avenue
Overheard by: big spender
Man #1: I don't know, I just don't really like public showers.
Man #2: Who does?
Lady: Faggots.
–Graffiti, 10th St
Queer: Can I bum a cigarette? I’m about to get my dick wet.
Flamboyant queer: That’s something straight people say.
Queer: Can I bum a cigarette? I’m about to get my dick stinky.
–Soho
Overheard by: Daniel Scott
Latino middle school boy: Barack Obama’s gay!
Black middle school boy: No he ain’t! He’s black!
–F Train
Overheard by: West Coast Courtney
Gangsta retail guy: So this party last night was for real, totally got blasted, couldn't even wake up this morning…
Gay retail guy: I'd come to one of your parties, but all you guys do is get wasted.
Gangsta retail guy: Yeah, I'd go to one of your parties too, but all you guys do is fuck each other.
–Target, Bronx
Overheard by: Good Craic
Enthusiastic 20-something: Oh, is that ciabatta? Yummy! Whenever I see ciabatta, my pussy starts to swell!
–Broadway & 13th
Random passerby: He wants a vagina. In and around his mouth.
–The Village
Cute NYU blonde: He won't like, touch my vagina with his hands. That means he's gay, right?
–Mercury Lounge, LES
Drunk Latina to drunk white girl whose boyfriend stepped out to get a paper bag: Girl, just tell him to take you home. Tell him you want to sleep tonight. Tell him your pussy is closed!
–McDonald's, 14th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: ehka
Girl in gym: Everything on my body is flaccid, except my vagina.
–Fordham Gym
