Wednesday One-Liners (No Homo)

Professor: Let's take a poll: who thinks I am gay?

–Lehman College

Flamboyant gay guy to butch gay guy: You, like, sneeze glitter. That's how gay you are!

–9th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: TR

Daughter to sobbing mother: Mom! Seriously, stop! I'm going to slap you. (mom continues sobbing) I'm not gay! Relax, okay?

–New Utrecht High School

Overheard by: Straight girl

Tween girl to friend: He's 17 years old and he doesn't have any kids? What? Is he gay?

–A Train

Teenage boy: Even if it's with a girl, it's still gay.

–L Train

Overheard by: Sean

Posted on June 24, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, College, Family Ties, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Village, Threats, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

You Wouldn't Even Take One for the Team?

Guy#1: Dude, I asked you to do one thing: help me out and distract her friend.
Guy#2: Maybe you didn't notice, but her friend was a guy.
Guy#1: Yeah, and…
Guy#2: I am not gay!
Guy#1: Really?

–Mott St

Posted on June 23, 2009
Chinatown, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Offers and requests

Wait, Don't Spoil It for Me!

Girlfriend: What's the movie Milk about?
Boyfriend: Gay guy.

–Video Store, Astoria

Posted on June 21, 2009
Astoria, Boyfriends, Film, Gays and Lesbians, Girlfriends, Questions, Store

…Albeit a Queer One.

Woman #1, watching New York City Gay Men's Chorus rehearse Single Ladies: Does anyone know what this is?
Woman #2: This is a New York moment!

–Symphony Space

Posted on June 18, 2009
Gays and Lesbians, Only in New York, Questions, Singing, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

It's Also the Stand-Up Comedy Golden Rule

Twink: Okay, new rule, new rule! “If you can't fuck me standing up, you can't fuck me”.
Friend: Yeah.
Twink: Actually, that is a really good rule.

–Marie's Crisis Piano Bar, West Village

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on June 18, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Queer guys, Sex, Weirdness, West Village

Interestingly, He Agreed.

Annoying college girl #1: Your boyfriend is so sweet!
Annoying college girl #2: I know. Did I tell you what he did? He sent me an e-mail with teddy bears in hearts with flowers all around.
Annoying college girl #1: Awww.
Annoying college girl #2: Yeah. I told him he was gay.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: serena

Posted on June 12, 2009
Comebacks, Gays and Lesbians, Internet, Love, Penn Station, Sorority Girls

Wednesday One-Liners Just Do It for the Endorphins

Mystified/amused pot dealer, as two jocks jog past him after sunset: They just runnin'! No cops, no robbers, no cowboys, no Indians, nothing blowin' up. They just runnin'!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: innocent bystander

Dad to three-year-old boy learning to how to swing: Well, maybe if you were in better shape, this would be easy for you. You need to work on your abdominals.

–Rckefeller Park

Overheard by: Maria

White buff guy, during spin class: I need to do some serious laundry, so I only had the one clean towel. If ya can't get one, I can always just give you mine and do my usual air dry jumping jacks for the insane amount of fems they have in the locker room over there. But apparently I have a bad-case-of-gay-face, because they look at me like a fat kid in front of the tasty delight window.

–29th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Lace

Suit to another: I wish I could bench press the sins of the world!

–74th St & Broadway

Girl in short skirt and stilettos: Did we just power-strut too far?

–PATH

Posted on June 3, 2009
Battery Park, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Dads, Druggies, Fitness, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Jocks, Kids, Meatheads, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, Religion, Street, Suits, Thievery, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Tonight, on Queer As Fock…

Drunk passerby to group of hipsters in front of him: All these fucking nerdy guys are with hot girls these days.
Female hipster: Oh, why thank you! He's gay, so it doesn't really matter anyway.
Drunk passerby: Oh, damn. He's gay…?
Male hipster: Yeah, but I'm a math major, so it was fair of you to call me nerdy.

–East Village

Posted on May 31, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Education, Gays and Lesbians, Hipsters, Insults, Questions, Union Square and East Village

Female Discontent: The Universal Language

High school girl to friend: All guys are either taken, jerks, butt-ugly, or gay!
Black lady next to them: Amen sister, amen.

–1 Train

Posted on May 25, 2009
Beauty, Black People, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Gripes, On the Subway, Sorority Girls, Women

…Get Thee to a Punnery!

Nerdy guy #1: That dude is a total fag, anyway!
Nerdy girl: Uh, you can't call people fags…
Nerdy guy #2: Yeah! From now on, let's use “fog”.
Nerdy girl: That guy is such a fog?
Nerdy guy #1: Yeah… He will be mist.
(20 seconds later)
Nerdy girl: Wait! Missed? Mist? My god…

–NYU

Posted on May 24, 2009
Gays and Lesbians, Nerds, NYU, Words

Gays and Lesbians

It's Also the Stand-Up Comedy Golden Rule