Twink: Okay, new rule, new rule! “If you can't fuck me standing up, you can't fuck me”.
Friend: Yeah.
Twink: Actually, that is a really good rule.
–Marie's Crisis Piano Bar, West Village
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Twink: Okay, new rule, new rule! “If you can't fuck me standing up, you can't fuck me”.
Friend: Yeah.
Twink: Actually, that is a really good rule.
–Marie's Crisis Piano Bar, West Village
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Annoying college girl #1: Your boyfriend is so sweet!
Annoying college girl #2: I know. Did I tell you what he did? He sent me an e-mail with teddy bears in hearts with flowers all around.
Annoying college girl #1: Awww.
Annoying college girl #2: Yeah. I told him he was gay.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: serena
Mystified/amused pot dealer, as two jocks jog past him after sunset: They just runnin'! No cops, no robbers, no cowboys, no Indians, nothing blowin' up. They just runnin'!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Dad to three-year-old boy learning to how to swing: Well, maybe if you were in better shape, this would be easy for you. You need to work on your abdominals.
–Rckefeller Park
Overheard by: Maria
White buff guy, during spin class: I need to do some serious laundry, so I only had the one clean towel. If ya can't get one, I can always just give you mine and do my usual air dry jumping jacks for the insane amount of fems they have in the locker room over there. But apparently I have a bad-case-of-gay-face, because they look at me like a fat kid in front of the tasty delight window.
–29th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Lace
Suit to another: I wish I could bench press the sins of the world!
–74th St & Broadway
Girl in short skirt and stilettos: Did we just power-strut too far?
–PATH
Drunk passerby to group of hipsters in front of him: All these fucking nerdy guys are with hot girls these days.
Female hipster: Oh, why thank you! He's gay, so it doesn't really matter anyway.
Drunk passerby: Oh, damn. He's gay…?
Male hipster: Yeah, but I'm a math major, so it was fair of you to call me nerdy.
–East Village
High school girl to friend: All guys are either taken, jerks, butt-ugly, or gay!
Black lady next to them: Amen sister, amen.
–1 Train
Nerdy guy #1: That dude is a total fag, anyway!
Nerdy girl: Uh, you can't call people fags…
Nerdy guy #2: Yeah! From now on, let's use “fog”.
Nerdy girl: That guy is such a fog?
Nerdy guy #1: Yeah… He will be mist.
(20 seconds later)
Nerdy girl: Wait! Missed? Mist? My god…
–NYU
Gay #1: So how's the gay scene been treating you since you moved here?
Gay #2: Eh. City cock isn't really my type.
–Borough Hall
Overheard by: lusherz
Indian guy: No homo!
Black guy: Man, “no homo” is wrong. That's like a white person saying, “yo, word up?” and a black guy saying, “no negro!” (pause) Shit's fucked up.
–Columbia University
Black hipster to gangsta friend: Nigga, when I come here I feel like I'm surrounded by Jackie Chan.
Gangsta friend: My dick looks like Jackie Chan.
Black hipster: Man, why you always gotta talk about yo dick?
Gangsta friend: What are you nigga, a faggot?
–Chinatown
English teacher, telling student how to read play: Brian, you're like Martin Luther King meets 50 Cent!
–English Class, Bronx HS of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Woman answering cell on bus: You saw Beyoncé? (everyone stares) Sorry. Did you say, "Hi, fiancée," or "I saw Beyoncé"?"
–126 Bus
Loud fat hipster chick: So she said I'm like Britney Spears with Lindsay Lohan's body, because my weight fluctuates like Lohan's. And I'm okay with that, because you know what? Lohan is a great celebrity. I mean, look, Kate Winslet is lovely and all, but what is she doing tonight? Sitting on a couch somewhere, drinking moderately probably. What is Lohan doing? Probably something really gay and coked up. I'd rather be gay and coked up than drinking moderately on a couch, any day of the week.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Jas
Metal kid: I smell like Robert Downey, Jr.
–Don Pedro's, Boerum & Manhattan, Brooklyn
Overheard by: LP
Hobo: I always thought Madonna was a trashy white cunt.
–Restaurant Row
Overheard by: Al-master
Guy to girl: You know, I'm sure you're a wonderful lover, and you don't need to be comparing yourself to Lance Armstrong. Like, that's just a fool's game.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Helena
