Wednesday One-Liners Failed Third Grade, Just Like Einstein

Queer: Fuck you! I’m a smart gay!

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Keesha Brown

Accidental ironist: Yeah, obviously he has no sense of smartness.

–68th & Lex

Overheard by: Casti

Hipster guy: I erased two years of my life with drugs. Two solid years! But I’m too smart to erase more than that.

–Chinatown bus

Girl on cell: They said that I’m smart, and that I can articulate well. But I’m not… you know… Oh, whatever.

–Queensboro Community College

Overheard by: LizDayglow

Tween boy to dad: I’m looking for a girl who’s younger and smarter.

–71st & West End

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Posted on October 18, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Dating, Drugs, Gays and Lesbians, Hipsters, Idiots, Kids, On Cell, On the Bus, Queens, Queer guys, School, Stupidity, Tweens, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

You Are What You Eat, Young Lady

Rabid coworker: Hey, can you come over to my house and help me install some doors?
Lesbian coworker: I’m not that kind of lesbian!

–Apple Store, 5th Ave

Overheard by: i sell the ipods

Posted on October 17, 2006
Gays and Lesbians, Lesbians, Manhattan

…And Jimmy’s a Girl

Queer #1: You are so gay.
Queer #2: I am not gay! Why do people keep saying that?
Queer #1: Well, you made out with Robert, and you slept with Jimmy.
Queer #2: Robert kissed me, I didn’t kiss him.

–Greenpoint

Posted on October 16, 2006
Gays and Lesbians, Hook Ups, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, People, Places, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Topics, Williamsburg

From the Possibly Apocryphal Sondheim Project "Where There’s Fags There’s Fire"

Gay in cab: Hey, look, it’s a fiiireman!
Fireman: Hey, it’s a fag in a cab!
Gay in cab: Are there any more firemen?
Fireman: Are there any more fags in the cab?

–319 W 48th St

Overheard by: gianni jones

Posted on October 14, 2006
Cars and Driving, Gays and Lesbians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queer guys

Look to Your Right and Left, NYU Class of 2010: One of You Wednesday One-Liners Will be Gone by Spring

NYU kid: I’m waiting for a roomba that runs on solar.

–Washington Square

NYU hipster: Do you ever find a little self-deprecation to be charming?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Joey Gillis

NYU chick: I drink Sprite not Pepsi because you know, it’s colorless so there’s no fat or calories so I can stay thin. You drink Pepsi and that’s brown and thick so it’s got carbs.

–NYU dorm

Overheard by: Low Fat Soda

NYU girl: I don’t like that sour is attached to cream; don’t let the fucking cream go sour!

–Williams & Wall

Overheard by: Genevieve

NYU girl: So they call it a keg stand…they hold your legs up and you’re just supposed to drink out of the spout thingy. SOOOOOO weird, but the guy was hot so I did it.

–W 4th St

NYU student: So I said, "I don’t care what time it is, you are supposed to be a lesbian!"

–Union Square Whole Foods

Overheard by: Batman

NYU girl: Yeah, she did kinda look like a lesbian. I mean, she had really bad posture.

–Church & Murray

Overheard by: Jason

Posted on October 11, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners

This Was at the Heart of the Dispute Between Edison and Tesla

Queer #1: Ann and Leslie are here.
Queer #2: Shit, are they lesbians?
Queer #1: Yeah.
Queer #2: Uh, I’m a D.C. gay. I don’t hang out with lesbians.

–3rd & B

Posted on October 7, 2006
Alphabet City, Gays and Lesbians, History & Geography, Lesbians, Manhattan, People, Places, Queer guys, Queers, Topics, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village

Cheech & Chong’s Wednesday One-Liners, Man

Queer: When I get stoned, my grundle itches.

–6 train

Overheard by: sheerah

Street vendor, gesturing to enormous bong: No, no…this one is for tobacco.

–St. Mark’s

Elderly man: People are stupid! They don’t do pot!

–R train

Stoned guy: Man, why do chip manufacturers always put the crumbs at the bottom of the bag?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: bernard black

Teenage gangsta: Yo, when I was in the shower, it totally tasted like weed. For real.

–Lafayette & Houston

Passenger: If you see a suspicious package or activity on the platform or train, don’t keep it to yourself. Tell a cop or an MTA employee or me. There might be some money or some weed in there.

–4 train

Overheard by: Mike

Long-haired dude, picking up a cigarette butt: Man, that’s not what I wanted to smoke.

–72nd & Columbus

Overheard by: clarence rosario