Hot Asian chick to boyfriend, about former boyfriend: He actually told me he liked fucking me because of my “almond eyes.”
Boyfriend: Where do you find these guys?
Hot Asian chick: I know, right?
Boyfriend: I like fucking you because you come at least once a minute.
Hot Asian chick: Take me home now!
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: …can i borrow her
Girlfriend: Did I ever tell you about the time I was on this train really late at night and this old guy sitting across from me was looking at these comics that had, like, really graphic drawings of vaginas?
Boyfriend: With like… vines crawling out of them?
Girlfriend: [Pause.] Ummm… No.
–Downtown 6 Train
Girlfriend: Did you see his face?
Boyfriend: Yeah! Weird! He is so creepy!
Girlfriend: He must be Jewish.
–88th & York
Young hipster professional: …I mean, you’ve seen the signs, right? “If you see something, say something”? …So I ran to the conductor’s car at the next stop and said, “Hey, there’s a really suspicious guy in the second car, he’s acting strange”.
Girlfriend: Oh my god! What did he say?
Young hipster professional: He said, “Stand clear of the closing doors.”
–6 Train
Young lawyer: My little boy finally made the transition from diapers to "big boy" underwear. On his first day back to pre-school he dropped his trousers and showed the whole class his lightning McQueens.
Young lawyer: … And it created a domino effect of three-year-olds showing their undies.
–6 Train
Overheard by: POLA
Chick on cell: Better underwear than meth!
–Harlem
Overheard by: McFreaky
Boyfriend to girlfriend looking at lingerie in window: It’s kind of cold for that.
–University & 9th
Overheard by: Mary Crippen
Skank: So I’m thinking "Now I’ve got to get rid of those panties!"
–54th & 9th
Overheard by: thats gross
Earnest teen chick, calling to retreating waitress: Do you sell thongs? I’m serious, I really need them!
–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square
Overheard by: Amanda
Man getting into elevator: … And she was all like "Hi, whatchu doin’?" And I was like "Whaaaat?" I didn’t know what to say, she was all over me, I could see her panties. [Everyone in elevator looks at him and laughs a little.] I mean, come on, we’re all adults in here. What was I supposed to do? Smile? Say "Hi" back?
–Elevator, Empire State Building
20-something chick: Besame!
Boyfriend: Piss on me? Really?
20-something chick: No! Besame! It means “Kiss me” in Spanish!
Boyfriend: Oh. Can I do both?
20-something chick: If you were bilingual we wouldn’t have this problem.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Nineteen-year-old guy: So do you want to try role playing tonight?
Nineteen-year-old girlfriend: What?!
Nineteen-year-old guy: You know, like let’s pretend we’re from Brooklyn.
–120th & Broadway
Overheard by: Heather V
Girl, to boyfriend: And that’s why you can never trust the emotions or actions of someone whose star sign is ruled by mars.
–20th & 7th
Overheard by: ALR
Barista to waiter: I don’t mind that I spent $130 on a pair of Oakleys cause I can look at the sun for a while and it won’t hurt my eyes.
–Long Island Railroad
Overheard by: Chris K.
Baby boomer hippie to college student: Dude, I just got me some of that Afghani shit. Took me to the mooooooon and back, baby!
–Washington Square
Overheard by: Summer
Doonesbury looking dude: Imagine what life would be like without the sun.
–40th & Park Ave
Overheard by: Ledbetter
Girl, being shaken awake by friend: But Rachel, where are you going to put the black hole?
–A Train
Bum on street, to several protesters passing by in pure white bio-hazard suits: Aw… You people wait right there, I’m a run and get some cigarettes then I’m comin’ to the moon with ya’ll. Seriously… Wait.
–45 & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Comack
Chick in passenger’s seat: Is that a bird?
Boyfriend: Sounds like it’s fucking!
Chick: Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?
–Toll Booth, Henry Hudson Bridge
Overheard by: bridgemaster
Chick, a little buzzed: Fleetwood, crestwood, woodlawn … There’s so much wood on this train I can’t concentrate.
Boyfriend: [stares at her wide-eyed].
Chick: Oh my god, did I just say that?
Boyfriend: Yes, and at least five guys heard it.
Random guy: I’m one.
–Metro North
Overheard by: I’m two
