Ditzy blonde: I know you’ll think this is stupid, but I was thinking of going to a life coach. A life coach or a really good psychic.
Brunette friend: You know what? I do think it’s stupid. Here, I’ll be your life coach: Fuck psychics, and go get a job. Oh, and don’t get fired this time. You’re fixed now.
–Metro North-Harlem
A crazy man mutters to a girl walking by. She ignores him and keeps walking.
Crazy man: God kill all the lesbians. God please kill all the lesbians. Kill the lesbians. God please kill all the lesbians!
Woman on bench: Yeah, I’m sure it’s because she is a lesbian, and had has nothing to do with the fact that he has three combs stuck in his afro and smells like a dead goat.
–Columbus Circle station
Soccer mom: In two weeks, my knitting circle’s going to the strip club.
–28th & Lex
Girl: I want to become a stripper so that I can see Patti LuPone in Gypsy every night.
–St. James Theatre
Overheard by: Erin
Loud NYU chick: Listen to the opening guitar riff of Voodoo child. It makes you want to be a stripper!
–Bobst Library
Overheard by: evil em
Six-year-old boy to parents: Oohh! Zombie strippers! Let’s see that!
–Port Authority
Girl #1: I really like matzoh bread.
Girl #2: Yeah, my friend makes it really amazing because she fries it in butter and sugar. It’s so good.
Girl #1: Wait, is that allowed? I thought matzoh was supposed to be about suffering.
–Lafayette Street Residence
Girl #1: I can’t believe you fucked him in my bed!
Girl #2: Well, I made sure that he didn’t cum on your sheets!
Girl #1: How thoughtful of you.
–Rivington & Allen
Overheard by: Snorted through my nose
Cute girl #1: So you know how my New Year's resolution was to… keep my legs closed a little better?
Cute girl #2: Yes. I did know that. Good one.
Cute girl #1: Well, I had my first slip-up in upholding it.
Cute girl #2: But it's January 2!
–Bleecker & Bowery
Overheard by: Unimpressed, but amused
Girl #1: You want to hear something crazy? My sister, you know she’s pregnant with her second kid, right? The baby’s due date is the same exact day as her first kid’s birthday.
Girl #2: That’s so crazy. Maybe they only kick it once a year.
–6 train
20-something girl, holding SpongeBob Square Pants playing cards: Look at the cards I'm getting!
Friend, shrieking and shaking: But I hate SpongeBob!
Woman, walking by: Why? He's nice.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Anna
Columbia professor [having just explained a relatively simple concept, turning to girl in front]: Do you understand this?
Girl: Yes.
Professor: Good. Because, you know, you’re really the canary in the coal mine for this class. If I can get you to get this, I’m set.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Bobby
Undergrad: Ninjas, see. You can’t creep up on them. You can’t creep up on them because actually they’re creeping up on you. And the person you’re creeping up on is actually a mendicant.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: pumpkin
Teen girl to friend: No one knows about Staten Island. It’s like the ninja island.
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Overheard by: Green Star
Young lady suit on cell: Want to know what I learned today? Okay, you know how I really hate those rolling briefcases because they fucking ninja you while you’re walking? Well, today I learned that it’s really hard to be angry about a rolling briefcase when it’s being pulled by a genuine midget. It’s like watching a pony pull a cart. It’s adorable!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: she wasn’t too tall herself…
Geeky girl: They should really make a video game about a ninja doing the dishes. That shit would be dope.
–Flatiron District
