At Least Wednesday One-Liners Can Cook

Drunk college girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ugly guys but more often than not…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Thuggish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mirror and be like ewww, while everyone else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m saying? When I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror I think to myself shit, I am one ugly motherfucker, how the hell do I get so many bitches?

–7 Train

Overheard by: Andrea

Dumpy man waiting on line: I didn’t know court was a beauty contest for ugly women.

–Downtown NYC Courthouse

Man fighting with random woman on train: You’re as ugly as the tip of my dick!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Marlon B

Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jessica had her baby? Yeah, that shit ain’t ugly.

–Cobble Hill

Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ugly. Much uglier than me. And you know on Halloween, if I hadn’t been bleeding from my vagina and puking in a bowl he would have hooked up with me instead.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: I was puking in a bowl when I heard this too

Posted on June 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Beauty, Blood & bleeding, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drunks, Fat People, Fordham, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Holidays, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Sorority Girls, Teens, Thugs, Vagina, Vomit, Weirdness

I Do Know That

Drunk girl walking past man: Ohmigod, mistah, you is taaaallll! You already know that, though.
Tall man, unfazed: Thank you.

–Broadway & 151st St

Overheard by: Milton

Posted on June 23, 2015
Compliments, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Height, Men, Physical appearance

This Round's on Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to another: Now the average American might not know about the economy and the depression. But they know about Budwieser. If they go to the bodega and there's no Budweiser, they know there's a problem.

–53rd Street E Station

Overheard by: SJG

Bald 30-something man: I believe in whiskey and little else.

–Lorimer & Union

Girl walking down the street: You took methamphetamines, I'm getting a Diet Coke!

–2nd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: dazed and confused

Elated girl: This beer is really helping my canker sore.

–93rd & 2nd

Overheard by: brian w

Guy at bar: If the New York Public Library served Scotch, I would go there.

–Karl's Klipper, St George, Staten Island

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Train conductor: Next stop, Moshulo Parkway…and can someone get me a fucking soda! I'm in car 3! I need a damn soda!

–4 Train

Overheard by: B-Dizzle Yo

Posted on June 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Staten Island, Subway conductors, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Granted, With Oyster Cream Sauce

Girl #1: Your pussy smells like fish.
Girl #2: Your pussy smells like a light salmon.
Girl #1: Oh, yeah? Well, you're no more than a brook trout.

–110 & Amsterdam

Posted on June 23, 2015
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Sensory Experiences, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina

75% of Mommy Was Bought with Money

Rich mommy: Daddy works in money. Money is very important. Money buys ice cream cones and sandals.
Little girl: [Nods.]

–73rd & Amsterdam

Posted on June 22, 2015
Family Ties, Girls, Kids, Ladies Who Lunch, Moms, Money & Class, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

One Becomes Bored With Cardboard

Tall, loud girl to friend: I don't know, I think he really just wants to settle down, you know?
Hobo sitting nearby: Hey! I wanna settle down!

–Broadway & 78th St

Overheard by: Mary

Posted on June 22, 2015
Girls, Hobos, Psychology, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Words

Ladies and Gentlemen: The Only Two People in New York with Insurance

Scaffolding: [loud boom]Girl: Holy shit.
Construction worker #1: Hey, it’s OK, don’t worry.
Construction worker #2: Yeah, we have insurance!

–81st & 2nd

Overheard by: another girl about to walk under the death tr

Posted on June 22, 2015
Construction Guys, Girls, Manhattan, People, Places, Upper East Side

And Give You Lots of Material for Dr. Glick

Mom to young daughter jumping up and down: You need to stop doing that. Jillian*, stop that now. If you don’t stop you are going to fall, if you fall you are going to cry, and if you cry I’m going to yell at you and make fun of you.

–Restroom, JFK

Overheard by: tessa

Posted on June 21, 2015
Advice, At the Airport, Girls, Moms, Parents, Threats

I Cut the Pizza Into Six Pieces, Not Eight

Upper West Side girl #1: Wow! You've totally lost weight.
Upper West Side girl #2: I still eat what I want… I just eat fewer meals.
Upper West Side girl #2: So, what? You eat like one meal a day?
Upper West Side girl #1: More like one and a half.
Upper West Side girl #2: Well, you look great!

–ATM, 72nd St & Columbus

Posted on June 21, 2015
Beauty, Compliments, Diet/Weight, Food, Girls, Physical appearance, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Girls