Wednesday One-Liners Get Blotto Like Otto

Blonde to other: Don't worry, within like an hour you'll have Jameson running through your system.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Girl on cell: I'm kind of hungover–I think that gin and tonic was a bad idea. I was already drunk, I don't know why I felt the need to have one… And then I went home and made scrambled eggs, and then I wrote a long email to Jen* about how good they were and then I read it this morning and I was like "I am such an idiot!"

–Broadway & Great Jones

Overheard by: Lillian

Sorority girl on cell: Well, I'm going to have some champagne, but it's not like I'm knocking back shots with the guys. (pause) Yeah, I know, I know, I'll be careful. (pause) Don't worry, mom, I've done worse drugs than drink before! (long pause) I don't want to talk about it. (long long pause) So…I'm going to go horseback riding!

–Broadway & 34th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Horsies Are Pretty

Bartender: Ladies and gentlemen! Don't run away from or by the bar! You have an hour to walk to your seats. Again, please do not run from the bar, run to it!

—Wicked, Broadway

Girl to friend: I only get tipsy enough to go into the Virgin Megastore…

–2nd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Jonathan

Man to friend, about AA: Y'know, if I could drink like normal people, I'd get drunk every night.

–Central Park

Overheard by: John Tidyman

Girl to friend: When I told you to seize the moment I didn't know you were drunk!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on June 15, 2023
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Drunks, Family Ties, Food, Friends, Girls, Internet, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Sports, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Lucky Bastards

Chick #1: Just like that, for no reason?
Chick #2: Yeah.
Chick #1: That’s so weird! Usually when a guy licks you, there’s some kind of context.
Chick #2: What about that time a hobo licked me? That wasn’t in context.
Chick #1: Yeah, but hobos don’t need context.

–23rd & Lex

Overheard by: Larry

Posted on June 11, 2023
Girls, Licking, Murray Hill and Gramercy

Among Frat Boys, That's the Real C-Word

Girl: It's weird: I'm a cross between a radical feminist and a frat boy.
Boy: It's because you love drinking and fucking.
Girl: And critical theory!

–Rudy's, 44th & 9th

Overheard by: holden caufield

Posted on June 9, 2023
Bars & Clubs, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Gender issues, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sex, Weirdness

That's Something You Have to Figure Out for Yourself, Young Padwan

Gay man in hipster glasses, sticking ass out: Papi! It hurts! Open it up and see what's wrong!
Blonde white girl, whining: But what does that meeeeeeannnnn?

–Bleecker & Perry

Posted on June 6, 2023
Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Offers and requests, Queer guys, Questions, Weirdness, West Village, White People

Racialist Wednesday One-liners

Chick on cell: You know what’s weird? You’re a nigger but in pictures you look like a white boy. Why is that?

–F train

Overheard by: Julie

Black guy on cell: They black people down there! I’m from New York, I don’t know nothing about black people!

–Boerum Hill bodega

A Black man with a cane approaches a white girl sitting on steps and says: Have you ever, since the day you were born till the minute you woke up this morning, desired a black man?

–18th & 8th

Girl: I don’t want to be racist. I mean, not out loud.

–Broadway & Houston

Cashier: I am so sick of Destiny’s Child!

–Virgin Megastore, Union Square

Posted on June 3, 2023
Black People, Cashiers, Girls, On Cell, Race, White People

But You Get to Meet Whichever Celebrity You Want!

Girl: The guy in this photo has gigantism. It’s a condition where you don’t stop growing–
Guy: That rocks.
Girl: –but you die really young.
Guy: Oh wait, it doesn’t.

–Diane Arbus exhibit, The Met

Overheard by: Eviltom

Posted on June 3, 2023
Girls, Guys, Illness, The Met

Dear Hugh Laurie–Call Me –Love, Danielle

Cute girl about upcoming CAT scan: There’s a part of me that’s actually a little excited… or at least interested, because, you know, it’s a new experience.
Friend: It will be an adventure. A medical adventure. Like House!
Girl: Except the doctor won’t be nearly as sexy as Hugh Laurie.
Friend: But he’ll have a better bedside manner.
Girl: It’d be worth the bedside manner if he were that sexy.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show. It gives us unrealistic expectations.
Girl: My mind right now is like 45% fear, 25% excitement, 15% rational thought, you know, that it’s probably not cancer, and the rest is Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard battling for my affections.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show.

–L Train

Overheard by: Jonah