Girls

Wednesday One-Liners Bring Their B Game

Sketchy guy to hot girl: Hey, baby girl, I like takin' long walks through the projects, sittin' on a park bench eatin' French fries… (she walks away) Hey baby, come back!

–Christopher & 7th

Guy to girl walking down the street: Hey you…I wanna get on your bus.

–125th b/w Park & Lexington

Overheard by: Reilly

Big dude to hot girl: Hey girl, come talk to me for a minute. (she stays still) C'mon girl, chubby thugs need love too.

–Franklin Ave & Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn

Black thug to white girls: I'm Barack Obama's cousin, wanna go on a date? (they pass) That's gonna be my new pickup line, yo.

–33rd St & 6th Ave

Guy, as a curvy woman struts past him: Shake what yo momma gave you…not what yo momma paid for!

–Shuttle Train

Overheard by: Meredith

Seton Hall jock, leering at female in next seat: Wow, this ticket has more holes in it than I've ever seen before!

–NJ Transit

Drunk guy to girl on subway platform, after Yankees game: I'm a classy guy! I will take you to the fucking Radisson!

–Yankee Stadium Subway Platform

Genius Is 1% Inspiration and 99% Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: You're stupid enough to swallow a condom but you're smart enough to know you can sue someone.

–69th & York

Overheard by: Eugene

Attractive tall Asian chick with purple hair on cell: There's no way I would be compatible with someone so much smarter than me.

–Joralemon & Columbia, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Awesome Mother Fucker

Effeminate young man to lady friend: I think you're street smart when nobody tells you you're street smart.

–C train

Father to son: You are so smart. You are going to be the leader of a cult someday.

–Thompson & Spring

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't the Brightest Pencils in the Shed

Guy, refusing to hold on to train pole: I'm trying to see how stupid I can really be.

–7 Train

Overheard by: jj

Train conductor: Next stop, 42nd. If you want to transfer to the e, I think it's running on the r, so get off next stop and walk to the r line. Don't be an idiot and wait for a train that ain't coming. Get off at 42nd and go to the r line.

–A Train

Overheard by: Amy

Chubby girl, passionately arguing on cell: I really believe Fabio is so not stupid. (pause) Seriously! He just has trouble…um…communicating.

–Outside Educational Housing Services, Clark & Henry

Overheard by: Blue Steel

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we have an idiot on board. He knows who he is.

–N Train

Hey You Kids, Leave That Mannequin Alone

Girl: He's so awkward. He's a wallflower that stands in the middle of the room.
Guy: Yeah, he's awkward.

–109th & Central Park West

Headline by: Ron D.

Runners-Up:
· “Al Gore Gets Few Invitations” – Coyoty
· “Everyone Wishes Carrot Top Would Retire” – Emily Leonard
· “How It All Began: Hitler at His First Bar Mitzvah” – Nick Pollotta
· “She Realized Shortly Thereafter She Was Talking to a Parrot” – amp
· “That Is Just Jacob Dylan” – Bigwb

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

…When People Have Written Phone Numbers on Them.

Girl #1: Don't ask me, I'm computer e-literate.
Girl #2: E-literate?
Girl #1: Isn't that a word?
Girl #2: It's “illiterate.”
Girl #1: Well, I can still read palms.

–City College of New York

I Spent a Semester Abroad There

Suit: Have you ever been to Ali Baba's?
Brunette: Ew, why would I go there?
Suit: I don't know, I heard the food is good…
Brunette: Oh! Ali Baba the restaurant? I thought you meant Ali Baba the country.

–34th St

'Til After I Met Your Math Teacher

20-something daughter: Mom, how did you know that dad was the one?
Mom: He was the only one I didn't cheat on.

–LIRR, Penn Station

Then Who'll Be the Catcher?

British guy: But whenever I give a pitch I cry like a little girl!
Girl: That's why you have to practice with someone who is better than you at pitching!

–New York Film Academy, Union Square

To Be Fair, Nobody's Stock Is Any Good Right Now

Girl: How's your sister?
Doucherocket maximus: She just had a miscarriage, which was good because we didn't want her to breed with him.

–A Train

Overheard by: Sabrina

Guess What Peewee's Word Of the Day Is?

Ditzy white girl standing in line: Ugh. It's, like, so much effort to get fresh produce.
Ditzy friend #1: I agree! Should we abort?
Ditzy friend #2: Yes! Abort!
Ditzy friend #1: Abort!
Ditzy friend #3: Abort!

–Union Square Greenmarket

Overheard by: office peon

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