Oh Maybe God!

Hipster chick #1: You know the girl I was telling you about, who didn’t even know what “agnostic” means?
Hipster chick #2: Yeah. That stupid bitch!

–30th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: reverie

Headline by: Coyoty

Runners-Up:
· “Blessed Are the Stupid Bitches, for They Shall Infuriate the Self-Righteous” – Cyrious Garnetski
· “I Believe That We Can Never Know If She Is a Stupid Bitch or Not.” – Hysterical Woman
· “I Hope She Burns In… Nothingness” – Meg
· “To Be Precise, She Said There Was No Way to Know What Agnostic Means” – Barry P.
· “Why Nuns Have Few Friends” – seven5suited

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on November 1, 2022
Astoria, Friends, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Hipsters, Insults, Stupidity, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Burp the Worm

Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I'm serious, if you watch porn, you won't have to eat for hours. Oh, and masturbating burns a lot of calories, too.

–Brooklyn

Very upset drunk hobo, after conductor announces last stop: Your kickin' all these people out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?

–Bowling Green Station

Street dancer: Everyone on earth was born as a result of an orgasm. Everyone masturbates. And if they say they don't, they're lying. Even the Pope masturbates!

–Union Square

Irish dude, throwing tea to the ground: It's not right, man! Asshole masturbated in my tea!

–Outside Starbucks

Teen thug: I wanna pleasure myself while writing an essay, what's the problem with that?

–Q Train

Overheard by: Robert G.

Posted on October 21, 2022
Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Conductors, Diet/Weight, Drinks, Drunks, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Lies, Masturbation, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgasm, Pope, Porn, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Starbucks, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

For Preppy Girls, Appearance Is the Only Reality

Preppy girl #1: I don't get it. She looks human.
Preppy girl #2: But she's not.
Preppy girl #1: But she looks human!
Preppy girl #2: But she's not!
Preppy girl #3: I get into your head and make you think I look human, but I'm not, really.
Preppy girl #1: Oh. So what do you guys want for lunch?

–Penn Station

Posted on October 14, 2022
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Preppies, Questions, Weirdness

God Bless the LIRR

30-something guy: Have you ever shot an AK-47?
40-something girl: Oh my god, yes!
30-something guy: How did it feel?
40-something girl: Pulling that trigger… It's amazing.
30-something guy: Getting punched in the face hurts. Have you ever gotten punched in the face?
40-something girl: Yes! When did you?
30-something guy: It was one of those “wrong place at the wrong time” situations… I was on the corner of this street and all of a sudden someone just came up and started punching me. It hurt really badly. Have you ever tried punching a bird?

–LIRR

Overheard by: Francesca

Posted on October 10, 2022
Birds, Girls, Guys, Punch, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Shoot, Trains Not Subway, Weapons, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Reach Maximum Occupancy

Professor: All the buildings in Florence are five stories high, because they were built before elevators, and that's how many stories you can walk up with groceries before you die.

–Fordham University

20-something tourist girl to family, about subway: It's like an elevator, but opposite.

–N Train

Bimbette: I, like, ran into them in the elevator and they, like, literally gang-banged me.

–Astoria

20-something woman: Do you think he ever found out I didn't fall down an elevator shaft?

–F Train

Posted on October 9, 2022
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Death, Families, Food, Fordham, Girls, History & Geography, On the Subway, Questions, Teachers/Professors, Three is Company, Tourists, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

You Read the Post?? Queer!

Guy: No homo, but Derek Jeter has a pretty amazing ass. Probably the best ass in baseball.
Girl in front of him: Oh, it is not at all gay to appreciate Derek Jeter's ass. The New York Post once said it could stop traffic.

–Yankee Stadium

Posted on October 8, 2022
Ass, Beauty, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Sports, Yankee Stadium

Weird, I Thought People Only Urinated in Venice

20-something chick: That’s not urine. I know what urine smells like. I’ve lived in Florence.

–23rd & 8th

Posted on October 7, 2022
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Girls, Pee

Next Time, Keep Listening ’til You Get a Number

Guy: Well, what do you really want out of life?
Girl: Umm.
Guy: Besides hardcore sadomasochistic sex.
Girl: People are totally listening to this conversation.
Guy: No, they’re really not.

–Benny’s Burritos, Ave A

Overheard by: Djlindee

Posted on October 7, 2022
Bimbettes, Girls, Guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, S&M

What, Is Your Dad Ugly or Something?

College girl #1: …and this guy’s a really good kisser and they turn on the lights and it’s your dad!
College girl #2: Oh my god, I know! I hate it when that happens!

–5th Ave. & 13th St.

Overheard by: Dave Della Costa

Posted on September 29, 2022
Girls, Incest, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Students, The Village

Captain Jack Sparrow Has Pirates Who Do That

Guy on date: Everything in my kitchen is from Crate and Barrel.
Girl on date: Oh.
Guy: My cups, my saucers, my plates, I have an espresso machine…
Girl: Wow.
Guy: Yeah, but I haven't mopped the floor in over a month.

–Broadway & Houston

Posted on September 27, 2022
Cleanliness, Girls, Guys, Money & Class, The Village