Girl #1: Whenever I come here I wanna buy stuff.
Girl #2: Me too!
Girl #1: It’s really bad.
Girl #2: It’s so bad.
–Sephora, Union Square
Overheard by: MKB
Girl #1: Whenever I come here I wanna buy stuff.
Girl #2: Me too!
Girl #1: It’s really bad.
Girl #2: It’s so bad.
–Sephora, Union Square
Overheard by: MKB
Hipster: It just sucks having to change the sheets every day.
–54th & Broadway
Overheard by: J-Dawg
Man coming out of bathroom: Rhetorical question: do you wash your hands before or after pissing?
–Columbia Bathroom
Old man on cell: You tell her I don’t want her using that same toilet brush. I want her to use a new one for my place.
–34 Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: truly confused
Tranny to another: And I told him if he wanted to shove that shit up my pussy, he better wash it real good first!
–2nd St b/w 1st & 2nd Aves
Guy on cell: It still stinks? Did you try washing it? Oh. How about using a nail brush? You did? Well, how much skin did you lose?
–C Train
Overheard by: Davis Baker
Angry thug on cell: I ain’t washin’ shit!
–Broadway & Great Jones
Overheard by: Jon A.
Old lady to bus driver: This service is getting worse and worse.
Bus driver, on loudspeaker: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the best service we can provide at this moment. For any complaints please call the MTA [Pause.] And let me tell you this now… They won’t do anything.
–M79 Bus
Overheard by: Mr. Fix-it !! (HH)
Girl: God, that dog’s farts are disgusting.
Guy: Yea, her ass smells like World War II.
–M Train
Overheard by: Jonathan V.
Sassy gay guy: Have you seen how ghetto the Upper East Side has gotten?
Girl in yoga clothes: Um.
Sassy gay guy: And everyone is a bitch. A freakin’ nun pushed me out of her way one time.
Girl in yoga clothes: Ha! Really?!
Sassy gay guy: Yes mam! [Snaps his fingers.] So I pushed her all the way down, girl. Whatever. I don’t care. I’m not Catholic!
–50th & Broadway
Little girl: Mommy, it’s snowing in my eyes!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: blistexaddict
Elderly Hispanic woman wading through snow: Skoosh! Shoosh! Skoosh! Wee! Skoosh!
–28th & Park
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Bus conductor in droning, somber voice: Ladies and gentlemen, due to inclement weather, the express trains are temporarily discontinued. [Suddenly sounding bright and chipper.] In other words, it’s cold outside, folks! So if you think you can just wait for the local, you wrong! So all y’all just get out the way o’ my doors and let’s go!
–4 Train
Drunk blonde: Omigod, is it like raining? There’s like water falling from the sky outside.
–LIRR
Girl on cell, on first nice day of spring: This weather just makes me want to drink…I have been sitting outside for ten minutes and all of a sudden I can’t get booze off my mind.
–72nd & Columbus
Pilot: Welcome on board flight number [mumble]… We have a 45 minute flight to Ithaca, New York, where the weather is [dramatic pause] fucking awful! Why you guys going there?
–LaGuardia Airport
Michelle: Hey, I wanted to go first, what the hell! You always cut me!
Asian friend, playfully sarcastic: Haha, hey, relax there, tiger. Ohhh yeah, everything is all about Michelle! Did you hear that sir, it’s all about Michelle? Don’t mess with her!
Michelle: Haha, shut up!
[Thirty seconds later.]Bus driver, on intercom: Just so everyone is aware, it’s all about Michelle. Don’t mess with that one.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Old man: By this time of day, my left buttcheek always starts hurting! Not the right one, just the left one. In the morning I feel fine, but by the afternoon… It hurts!
Old lady: I don’t know what to tell you, Earl. Maybe you need to shake it more.
–Bay Terrace
Overheard by: Sov
Woman with thick Jersey accent, very seriously: I really need to get an accent. Accents are very important to people here.
–1 Train
Overheard by: McFreaky
Drunk man screaming into cell: Stop fucking yelling!
–30th & 8th
Guy on phone: It just really bugs me that she’s always talking to other people about our relationship…
–Bedford & 4th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: andebobandy
Aussie bartender with heavy accent: He was complaining that the burger wasn’t flat because it’s hand-rolled and not frozen. [pause] Fucking foreigners.
–O’Keefe’s, Court Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: NJH
Guy in wheelchair (peeing in a Snapple bottle) to friend: People are nasty.
–W 38th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Bebe
Girl #1: “Its so annoying how your phone wont learn to spell ‘fuck’.
Girl #2: Yeah. It wont spell “fucked” either, thats the one I have trouble with.
Girl #1: Yeah. Like it always spells “ducked”.
Girl #2: Yeah. And I don’t wanna be ducked, I wanna be fucked!.
–L Train
Overheard by: Lara
Headline by: maggie
Runners-Up:
· “Donald And Daffy Went Home Alone That Night.” – 1310 (formerly SNA)
· “Fowl Language” – Koren
· “My Phone Totally Just Cock Blocked Me.” – Jennette
· “Old McDonald Had a Fetish, E-I-E-I-Blow” – CV
· “Sexy Is Using a Feather, Kinky Is Using the Whole Bird” – Jatmos
· “That’s Right… Ducked in My Puppy!” – Stick
· “The “Lame Duck” Presidency All Makes Sense Now” – Dale
· “Well, Once You Go Quack…” – Tim Ferlito
