We Pause for a Wednesday One-Liners Public Service Announcement

Girl on cell: Yeah, the breakup was tough, but I'm feeling good about it now! (pause) Hell, yes, I'm dating! (pause) Yeah, it's an exciting time! So much suspense, so many questions! Will he call me? Whom should I choose? Does he like me? Do I have syphilis?

–M4 Bus

Overheard by: All good questions

Drunk gay guy who just dropped lit cigarette: Shit! If I pick this up, do I have herpes?

–Waverly & University Place

Guy to friend: Nietzsche had syphilis… Why can't I?

–G Train

Woman at newsstand: Do you sell anything for herpes and cold sores?

–W 4th St

Overheard by: wow…i didnt kno they sold that her

Gay man to girlfriend: Is Mr Syphilis coming?

–24th & 2nd

Overheard by: erkala

Posted on July 21, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Illness, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Philosophy, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Smoking, STDs, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now

Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?

–St Mark's & Ave A

Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I'm trippin'! Oh, god, I'm shroomin'!

–Delancey St

Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?

–Times Square

Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.

–Jane & 4th St

Overheard by: M Tod

Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine's Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it's not drugs?

–The Diana Center, Barnard College

Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I'm high. (audience laughs) Don't blog that!

–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on July 21, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, B-List, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Education, Family Ties, Flyer people, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Laughter, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Street, Teachers/Professors, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Look, You Tied Your Shoes All by Yourself Today! Hoorah!

Straight-looking young guy: So this is gay pride, huh?
Gay-looking friend: Yep, this is it. Whoo hooo!
Straight-looking young guy: I wish I had something to be proud of.
Gay-looking friend: That's kinda sad on such a gay day like today! Come on, let's get a drink. I will be proud for both of us.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Myklstarr

Posted on July 20, 2010
Bryant Park, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Queer guys, Questions, Wishes & desires

…Wait– Did I Have Pants When We Went in There?

Guy #1, leaving bar: Did we leave anything behind?
Guy #2: Just my soberness.

–Irving & 17th

Overheard by: Tjnyc

Posted on July 20, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Questions, Union Square and East Village

We May Have a New Worst Hampton

Young guy talking to two blonde twenty-somethings: I'm going up to Lake George for the 4th.
Blonde 20-something #1: I've never been there.
Blonde 20-something #2: Lake George? Is that near The Hamptons?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Carrie

Posted on July 19, 2010
Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Travel, U.S. Geography

Wednesday One-Liners Get “The Girlfriend Experience”

Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!

–East Village

Overheard by: Matty Mac

Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!

–Brooklyn

Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?

–Mulberry

Overheard by: nina

Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."

–6 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!

–Astoria

Posted on July 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Guidos, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Prison, Prostitution, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Store, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Gravy

20-something girl to another: You know, with most of the other saints, the way they met their demise had no entertainment value!

–Morningside Heights

Woman to guy, nodding thoughtfully: Hell, no, I'm not going to jail! I don't care if he killed him, he's not gonna kill me too!

–Crown Heights

Grandpa wearing Brooklyn dodgers cap to grandson: Listen to me! Are you listening to me? The last two guys who didn't listen to me ended up dead with their heads blown off! Is that what you want? (pause) So… You hungry?

–IKEA Parking, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gene D. Gray

30-something guy: If I were 28, in great shape, and everyone loved me, I wouldn't just be in trouble with the law, I'd be dead.

–Mooncake Foods, Soho

Overheard by: Robert

Crazy Puerto Rican with wild poodle: Mira! Mira! Cancel the fucking casket–she ain't dead yet, bitch! Mira!

–86th St & East End

Posted on July 14, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Death, Families, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Murder, Old People, One-liners, Physical appearance, Prison, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Religion, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

And They're Donating It to General Motors

Guy checking out cereal: Oh, is this the one that saves the environment? (reads box) Only 1% of their profits is donated? They're not trying hard enough. (puts box down)

–Key Foods, 4th & Ave A

Overheard by: meghan

Posted on July 9, 2010
Alphabet City, Animals & Nature, Food, Grocery Stores, Guys, Money & Class

The Way Vampires Hate Garlic

Handsome straight guy: I don't know. Gay boys really like me. I don't know how to repel them.
Girl: You can throw candy at them.
Handsome straight guy: Huh?
Girl: Gay boys hate fatty foods.

–St Mark's Place

Overheard by: Ilikecandy