Wednesday See, One-Liner Do

Tourist teen: Scientology? Is that like that crazy Darwinism stuff where they think people are monkeys?

–TKTS

Guy: Well, 20 million years ago you were a monkey too!

–NYC Lab School

Overheard by: T

Teen to friend: So once the car is full of monkey poop, then you trade it in for another one.

–Chelsea

Hobo sitting in subway station: Woman ain't want no man in her bed…she want a monkey in her bed…ooohh ooh oh ahh ahhh ahhh. (makes monkey noises)

–E Train

Overheard by: Ja9

Comedy show hawker: You will all have autism when you're done with this show. And you'll be having sex like monkeys and bunnies.

–Times Square

Overheard by: fluffyautist

Little boy watching monkey, to father: I bet he wouldn't leave his kid at a Wal-Mart.

–Bronx Zoo

Posted on April 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Broadway Shows, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Friends, Guys, Handicaps, Hobos, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Questions, Religion, School, Science, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Teens, The Bronx, Time, Times Square, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Now Playing: Wednesday One-Liners

Moviegoer: Come on, I wanna see this potentially shitty movie!

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Guy on phone: I'm not trying to have sex with you, I just really want to see The Dark Knight.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ross

Movie theater employee: I don't go to the movies. I watch them on the internet.

–AMC Loews, Lincoln Square

Overheard by: Holly

Guy on cell: Okay, love you, bye… Oh, and the reason she says "Foxy, you better work it out!" is because that's the name of her character in the movie.

–62nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Richard

Nerdy film major: Silent Night, Deadly Night II is the worst movie ever. It's so bad it's amazing. There's something cathartic about watching it; you leave thinking, "there is a god!"

–NYU Dining Hall

Guy leaving The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: You have to be some kind of anti-Christ to write a movie that retarded.

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mark Nilges

Girl, as credits roll at the end of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Wow…they both lived way too long.

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

Posted on April 8, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Film, Girls, God, Guys, Insults, Internet, Movie Theaters, Movies, Nerds, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Religion, Retardation, Sex, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

When Good Conversations Go Bad

Guy in horse-drawn carriage to tourist couple crossing street: Yo, buddy, yer wife is beau-tee-ful!
Tourist man: Thank you!
Guy: You better take good care of her!
Tourist man: I will!
Guy: Cause if you don't, I'm gonna stick my dick in her!

–58th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Posted on April 7, 2009
Beauty, Compliments, Couples, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Penis, Sex, Threats

I'd Still Prefer a Polar Bear, Though.

Button-down and khakis guy #1: I wish I had a bi-polar friend…it'd be like having two friends in one!
Button-down guy #2, completely serious: Yeah, that'd be awesome.

–Crocodile Lounge, 14th St

Posted on April 7, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Friendship, Guys, Psychology, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Unless Ben and Jerry Count

Extremely drunk guy: Hey, how ya doin'?
Sober woman: Fine, thanks. (pause) Hey, this is my stop…gotta go! (dashes off train)
Extremely drunk guy to extremely drunk friend, after a long pause: Hey, I coulda had her if I wanted. I coulda been like, “if this is your stop, then it's my stop too, baby, why dontcha come home with me?” But I don' want any company tonight. I wanna be all by myself…in my own place…in my own bed…all alone.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on April 6, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Guys, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Public Transportation, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

And You're a Tad Horny

Girl: Am I turning into a unicorn?
Guy: No, you just have cancer.

–Boss Tweed's bar

Overheard by: Unicorns

Posted on April 5, 2009
Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Cancer, Girls, Guys, Questions, Weirdness

And Pretend It Didn't Happen, Like Usual?

Guy #1: So when's your birthday?
Guy #2: It's June 24.
Guy #1: Hey, mine is May 24.
Guy #2: And my girlfriend's is January 24.
Guy #1: Wow…we should all have sex.

–7th & Ave B

Posted on April 5, 2009
Alphabet City, Birthdays, Guys, Offers and requests, Street, Three is Company, Time

And That Was Really More Of Something to Gnaw on While Playing Poker

Guy #1: I went out drinking last night and didn't smoke.
Guy #2: Except cock.
Guy #1: Yeah, besides that.

–PATH Sation

Posted on April 4, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Penis, Smoking, Train Station

Why Mr. Peanut's Family Stopped Having Reunions

Nutsy guy #1: I'm nuttier than you are!
Nutsy guy #2: No!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Posted on April 4, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Guys, On the Subway

Do We Go to Your Country and Act All American?…Oh, Wait.

British female to sullen guy: Hey! What's wrong, chap? Buck up! Go on, buck up! Buck up! (sullen guy stops and looks her way)
Sullen guy, in heavy New York accent: Fuck…off.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Dropping Eaves

Posted on April 4, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Brits, Guys, Insults, Only in New York, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Women

Guys