A Picture Speaks a Thousand Wednesday One-Liners.

Father to two toddlers walking with mommy: So your mother offered to take me to The Standard for our anniversary, where we'd pose naked in the windows for all to see. I told your mommy I'm game… Afterwards we'll sell the pictures in Australia, how's that sound?

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: geedee

Hipster, on being mugged: So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Girl on cell: Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.

–23rd St

Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone: My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.

–4th Ave & 86th St

Overheard by: bay ridge bitch

Annoying teen girl: He said "You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!" And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wallflower

Posted on September 1, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Families, Girls, Google, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Internet, Kids, Laughter, Moms, Music, Nudity, On Cell, Penis, Pictures, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods

God Has Played a Cold Joke on Us All.

Guy #1: Owwww! Fuck! Owwwwwwwww!
Guy #2: You won't get an ice cream headache if you drink it slower.
Guy #1: I'm trying, but it's too delicious!

–9th St. & 3rd Ave

Posted on August 30, 2010
Advice, Food, Guys, Health and Hygiene, The Village

Enjoy Your 20s While You Can, Kids!

Girl, about Gathering of the Vibes music festival: The thought of peeing in an outhouse this weekend has already made me constipated, you have no idea.
Friend: Vibes!

–Nokia Theatre Bathroom

Posted on August 23, 2010
Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Pee, Poop, Theater

Why You Need a Degree to Be a Doctor: Explained.

Girl #1: Yeah, he had a heart attack.
Girl #2: Oh, wow, but can't you take something during a heart attack to stop it from happening?
Girl #2: No, you can't.
Girl #1: What about Bayer aspirin? I see those commercials all the time, and they say it stops heart attacks.

–3rd Ave & 46th St

Posted on August 22, 2010
Girls, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, TV

Yes, It Was a Sex Thing.

Annoying tween: Oh my god, my dad made me use this, like, Salon brand shampoo. Oh my god, look at this volume! There's nothing! (two friends nod) And, guess what? It also smells like llama spit! (two friends look confused) You want to know how I know what llama spit smells like? My dad once got spat on in the face by a llama!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Lily

Posted on August 22, 2010
Animals & Nature, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Hair, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Sensory Experiences, Smegma, Tweens

Why Some Grandparents “Lose” Their Grandkids in the Big City

Grandma: What's wrong, honey?
8-year old boy: I'm done. You're all in my face, I'm dehydrated, and I'm going home.
Grandma: Well, we can get you a water.
8-year old boy: I don't want to hear it, grandma!

–5th Ave & 47th St

Posted on August 22, 2010
Drinks, Families, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People

You Never Complain About My Mustache When You're Riding It

Drunk girl to hipster boyfriend: How come my hair always gets stuck in your mustache?!
Boy: I don't have a mustache.
Drunk girl: You know what I meant, boy! A beard! My hair always gets caught on it! Do you ever get food in there? Or coffee? Do you get a little sick if you sleep with a wet mustache? (pause) Oh, I'm just messing… (laughs at herself) but I hope you've been washing that thing with shampoo and conditioner every day!

–West Village

Posted on August 21, 2010
Boyfriends, Cleanliness, Coffee, Drunks, Food, Girls, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Physical appearance, Questions, West Village, Wishes & desires

Explains Why Your Farts Always Smell Minty Fresh

Bridge and tunnel #1: You can't be a germophobe in New York, dude.
Bridge and tunnel #2: Are you kidding? I wash my hands before I wipe my ass in this city.

–G Train

Overheard by: …fair point

Posted on August 17, 2010
Ass, B & T, Cleanliness, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Psychology

Should You Shave Your Wednesday One-Liners? Discuss.

Guy on cell, to girlfriend: I have such a headache in my balls right now.

–49th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Michael

Very drunk boyfriend to drunk girlfriend: If you can't stay here, talk to me and make this right! I'm gonna have to be a man, grow some balls and leave you!

–140th St & Broadway

Man on crowded sidewalk: Balls to butts, people. Balls to butts.

–Times Square

Girl to friends: I'd totally teabag him, but I don't got no balls.

–Brooklyn Heights