Kids

Vanity, Thy Name Is Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: And I was like, "He bleaches his asshole, what does he know about anatomy?"

–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Seven-year-old girl to boy throwing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eyeliner today!

–Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn

Very large woman on cell: It's called "Brazilian wax job." You only have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itches for a day or two, but it's worth every penny.

–PATH

Overheard by: Corey

Young lady with long curly hair to girlfriend: So, I started drying my hair with paper towels recently.

–Montague St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE!

Outraged feminine gay guy to another: He's having his lips redone… again!

–8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea

Overheard by: Evan

Woman on cell: Girl, I don't understand why you gotta put on all that makeup just to go for a colonic!

–Washington Heights

Little Barack Would Not Disappoint.

Man: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Boy: Generally impressive.

–Riverside Park

Overheard by: Michael

Kids Say the Stupidest Things

Two boys were playing on a fire escape.

Boy #1: Okay. Now I’ll be the policeman, and you be the fireworks on Coney Island.

–Windsor Terrace

Wednesday One-Liners Call It an “Eating Plan”

Squeaky blonde: When I feel like that after drinking too much I just totally stick my finger down my throat. I don't wake up with a hangover, and it saves calories too!

–Blarney Rock Pub

Overheard by: Ant928

Dumpy middle aged lady: I haven't lost any weight, but I'm still alive. So… I'm pretty proud of myself.

–Union Square

Girl: You should have to pay by the calorie. That'd make people less fat.

–Chipotle, Broadway

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Five-year-old boy to mom: Hey, mom, this energy drink has 10 calories less then the Monster drink!

–7-Eleven

Overheard by: CatVonD

NYU student: You know when you're on a diet, and you wash your face with apricot cleanser? It smells so good that you just want to, like, eat it!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: melbert

Someone’s Been Listening to the President’s Speeches

Little boy: Mom, I want that!
Harried mother: No, we don’t have enough money.
Little boy, after a pause: So just make more money!

–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Abbieprime

Yeahhh, Definitely Seventh Avenue. Definitely.

Hipster mom: How much further are we going?
Five-year-old savant son: Well, it’s the weekend so the G train is making all the local F stops. That means six more stations from Hoyt-Schermerhorn — Jay Street-Borough Hall, Bergen Street, Carroll Street, Smith and Ninth Streets, Fourth Avenue and Seventh Avenue.

–G train

Overheard by: He even pronounced them correctly

Should We Stop for Some Cocktails and Wait It Out?

Mom: Shit, it's raining!
Four-year-old: Fuck!

–Times Square

Overheard by: leah

You Sold Them to the Maid Again, Didn’t You?

Cute, pigtailed five-year-old: I want my pills!
WASPy, harried-looking mother, to staring people: She means her vitamins. Ha, ha.
Cute, pigtailed five-year-old: No, mommy, my piiiiiiiiiiils!

–102nd & Broadway

Overheard by: I Want My Pill Too

Relaxed Alertness Is Your Best Defense

Four-year-old Asian boy: Is this train going to Jamaica Center? The same as e train?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: So they need to watch out for guns?

–F Train

Tonight's Lifetime Movie: Dakota– Portrait of a Serial Killer

Nine-year-old girl: Mom, that kitten is so cute! Can we get a kitten?
Mother: Honey, I know it's cute, but we have to take care of the two cats we already have.
Nine-year-old girl: No, I know. I mean when they die.

–Veterinarian Waiting Room, Upper East Side

Overheard by: Ben A

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