Wednesday One-Liner Is Murder

Black man: I can never watch you eat sausage again. It was the most awkwardly erotic thing I've ever seen. It was the perfect combination of food and female.

–Pratt Coffee Shop, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Maryrose

Boy to friend: And then the teacher said: "and that's the history of ham"!

–Queens

Overheard by: alex

Young woman on cell: Well, I would go to Gray's for hot dogs with you, but I can't. I gave up tubed meat for lent.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Caroline

Cute teen girl: It'd be like a floppy bag of meat… (pause) I'm not talking about dick!

–Starbucks

Woman placing drive-thru order: And two junior bacon cheeseburgers. Actually, I don't want the bacon. I don't want to get the swine flu.

–Wendy's Drivethru, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Oh the Pig-manity!

Upset Orthodox Jew mother to baby in stroller: Bacon!? Who told you about bacon!?

–West End & West 100th St

Posted on October 8, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Black People, Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Illness, Jewish Moms, Judaism, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Kink, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Another Case of the Terrorist Twos

Little boy in stroller playing with toy car: Bomb! It’s a bomb!
Mom, wagging finger: It’s not a bomb, sweetie. Don’t say that.
Little boy: It’s a bomb! Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb!
Mom: Stop that!
Little boy: We have a bomb! Play with the bomb! Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb!

–Manhattan-bound 3 train

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Posted on October 7, 2014
Kids, On the Subway, Terrorism, Words

Vanity, Thy Name Is Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: And I was like, "He bleaches his asshole, what does he know about anatomy?"

–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Seven-year-old girl to boy throwing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eyeliner today!

–Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn

Very large woman on cell: It's called "Brazilian wax job." You only have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itches for a day or two, but it's worth every penny.

–PATH

Overheard by: Corey

Young lady with long curly hair to girlfriend: So, I started drying my hair with paper towels recently.

–Montague St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE!

Outraged feminine gay guy to another: He's having his lips redone… again!

–8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea

Overheard by: Evan

Woman on cell: Girl, I don't understand why you gotta put on all that makeup just to go for a colonic!

–Washington Heights

Posted on October 7, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Fat People, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hair, Kids, Makeup, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, Science, Street, Surgery, Time, Trains Not Subway, Washington Heights and Inwood, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Little Barack Would Not Disappoint.

Man: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Boy: Generally impressive.

–Riverside Park

Overheard by: Michael

Posted on October 5, 2014
Age/Aging, Boys, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Men, Parks, Wishes & desires

Kids Say the Stupidest Things

Two boys were playing on a fire escape.

Boy #1: Okay. Now I’ll be the policeman, and you be the fireworks on Coney Island.

–Windsor Terrace

Posted on October 5, 2014
Brooklyn, Coney Island, Cops, Kids, Parades & Festitivites, People, Places

Wednesday One-Liners Call It an “Eating Plan”

Squeaky blonde: When I feel like that after drinking too much I just totally stick my finger down my throat. I don't wake up with a hangover, and it saves calories too!

–Blarney Rock Pub

Overheard by: Ant928

Dumpy middle aged lady: I haven't lost any weight, but I'm still alive. So… I'm pretty proud of myself.

–Union Square

Girl: You should have to pay by the calorie. That'd make people less fat.

–Chipotle, Broadway

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Five-year-old boy to mom: Hey, mom, this energy drink has 10 calories less then the Monster drink!

–7-Eleven

Overheard by: CatVonD

NYU student: You know when you're on a diet, and you wash your face with apricot cleanser? It smells so good that you just want to, like, eat it!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: melbert

Posted on October 4, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Students, Union Square and East Village, Vomit, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Someone’s Been Listening to the President’s Speeches

Little boy: Mom, I want that!
Harried mother: No, we don’t have enough money.
Little boy, after a pause: So just make more money!

–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Abbieprime

Posted on October 4, 2014
Advice, Brooklyn, Kids

Yeahhh, Definitely Seventh Avenue. Definitely.

Hipster mom: How much further are we going?
Five-year-old savant son: Well, it’s the weekend so the G train is making all the local F stops. That means six more stations from Hoyt-Schermerhorn — Jay Street-Borough Hall, Bergen Street, Carroll Street, Smith and Ninth Streets, Fourth Avenue and Seventh Avenue.

–G train

Overheard by: He even pronounced them correctly

Posted on October 3, 2014
Hipsters, Kids, Moms, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Time, Weirdness

Should We Stop for Some Cocktails and Wait It Out?

Mom: Shit, it's raining!
Four-year-old: Fuck!

–Times Square

Overheard by: leah

Posted on October 2, 2014
Insults, Kids, Moms, Should've Used a Condom, Times Square, Weather

You Sold Them to the Maid Again, Didn’t You?

Cute, pigtailed five-year-old: I want my pills!
WASPy, harried-looking mother, to staring people: She means her vitamins. Ha, ha.
Cute, pigtailed five-year-old: No, mommy, my piiiiiiiiiiils!

–102nd & Broadway

Overheard by: I Want My Pill Too

Posted on October 2, 2014
Default, Girls, Kids, Lies, Psychology, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, White People, Wishes & desires