Silly Rabbit, Wednesday One-Liners Are for Kids

Excited little girl to friend: Hey! Wanna see my room? It's really cool! I got a bed!

–Whole Foods, Tribeca

Three-year-old girl, excitedly pointing at picture on store front: Look mommy, it's Buddha! It's Buddha!

–Ave B b/w 3rd & 4th

Overheard by: EVgirl

Young girl to father: Only 1,486 days until I'm 18 and then I can do whatever the heck I want.

–E 78th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Brandon F

4-year-old girl to father trying to board overcrowded train: Jesus, we should have taken the bus! I told you we should have taken the bus.

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: kdice

Five-year-old son to father who just dropped BlackBerry: What the hell just happened here?

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Four-year-old girl: I'mma hustla! I'mma, I'mma hustla!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Nina

Posted on December 5, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Blackberry, Buddha, Central Park, Dads, Friends, Insults, Kids, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Public Transportation, Should've Used a Condom, Time, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Wishes & desires

The Day Dad Realized Kids Don’t Get Sarcasm

Little boy holding a box of cupcakes: Dad, I need money.
Dad: Just run.

–Magnolia Bakery

Overheard by: Mike

Posted on December 3, 2014
Boys, Crime and Punishment, Default, Grocery Stores, Kids, Money & Class, Offers and requests, West Village, Wishes & desires

Because That’s What You Said About the IRS Building

Six-year-old boy: Damn, I always wanted to go in there.
Mom: No, you didn’t.

–Outside M&M Store, TImes Square

Overheard by: Lynne

Posted on December 2, 2014
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Food, Grocery Stores, Kids, Moms, Times Square, Wishes & desires

The Anti-Semitic Ones Are Just Offensive

Mom: Well, I’m going to church tomorrow.
Daughter: Say hi to Jesus for me. Grandma, you’re not going?
Grandma: I stopped going when the priest stopped telling dirty jokes.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: djlindee

Posted on December 1, 2014
Jesus, Kids, Old People, Parents, Penn Station, Religion

It Would Be Easiest to Reach If You Bought Me a Pony

Mom: … So you can go to nirvana?
12-year-old girl, rolling her eyes: Nirvana isn’t a place, Mom, it’s a state of mind…

–79th & 2nd

Overheard by: Amused nanny

Posted on December 1, 2014
Kids, Moms, Stupidity, Upper East Side

Every Day’s a Gift, Babe. Shoes Are a Bonus

Mom: Will you look at that — a shoe store!
Four-year-old girl: Isn’t it magical?

–Payless Shoe Store, Astoria

Posted on November 30, 2014
Kids, Magic, Moms, Shoes, Store

Fine, but Go Easy on the Rouge This Time.

Dad: What else do you want to do?
Four-year-old boy: Your face.

–St Mark's & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Erin

Posted on November 30, 2014
Body Parts, Dads, Kids, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

First, Though, I Have to Explain About Taxes

Little kid after ‘death’ mentioned in movie: Dad? What’s death?
Dad: [Silence]Little kid: Hey, Dad?
Dad: I’ll tell you after the movie.

–Downtown movie theater

Overheard by: Dylan

Posted on November 29, 2014
Dads, Death, Kids, Movie Theaters, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners Star in a Revival of Dreamcoat

Man: Tonight we’ll go to the Polish restaurant, or we’ll go see Spamalot. Either way, we need the laughs.

–Elevator, 250 West 57th St

Four-year-old standing and pointing as Gaston is about to stab the Beast: Nooo! Stop that!

–Lunt-Fontanne Theatre

White chick: I’m entirely too white for this show. That, or too Canadian. They spell ‘color’ without a ‘u’!

—The Color Purple, Broadway Theatre

Guy on cell: I’m at Marie’s Crisis. Yeah, everyone at the party was ugly, and so I left, and I figured if I’m gonna hang out with ugly people, I might as well sing showtunes.

–Marie’s Crisis piano bar, 50 Grove St

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Small child during Tarzan: He’s dead ’cause he got shot.

–Richard Rodgers Theater, 45th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Adam

Black 40-something lady passing theatre: Ain’t dis a play o’ somethin’?

–Outside Nederlander Theatre on 41st St

Overheard by: A-Mo

Posted on November 27, 2014
Black People, Kids, On Cell, Stab, Theater & Dance, West Village, White People

Wednesdays Wonder How Much Their One-Liners Would Bring on the Open Market

Serious 40-something man to five-year-old girl: So why do I always have to be the one to buy dinner?

–8th Ave & 44th St

Overheard by: Dean

Mother to toddler: Why you always gotta sing Barney? Always Barney! You are so annoying! I'm sick of Barney.

–1 Train

Middle-aged Jewish man to eleven-year-old girl: But I don't think you have to worry about that, Talia, because there are very few Zoroastrians around these days.

–93rd & Broadway

Ghetto father making out with ghetto girl, to two-year-old tugging at his jeans: Nigga, stop cock-blockin me!

–Fordham Road

Overheard by: Laura

Angry mom to eight-year-old son: When I find that brick, you're in big trouble!

–Kane St & Clinton St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Phycobilins

Emphatic mom to child holding her hand: You've gotta hold my hand! I'm forty-six years old and I still hold my mommy's hand! I'm forty-six years old! So you've gotta hold my hand!

–50th & 9th

Overheard by: Christiana Little

Posted on November 26, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dads, Family Ties, Food, Ghetto Chicks, Gripes, Jews, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Religion, Sex, Street, The Bronx, Threats, TV, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness