And on Your Left— Wednesday One-Liners!

Kid to another: And then, when you're 45, we can be tour guides.

–West Village

Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth

Tour guide: This tour will be in English, we have tour pamphlets in several other languages. If you are a non English speaking passenger, this announcement is of no use to you.

–Circle Line Harbor Lights Cruise

Overheard by: Trixie

Overexcited bespectacled tour guide leader to group of uninterested parents: So! That's the great thing, you know, about this school, is that it's not just you. It's the city, and the students, and the people, and the tourists, and… (starts to run out of things to say) the homeless people, and the squirrels… and pigeons! So, you see, it's not ever just you!

–Bobst Library, NYU

Tour guide on bus: Now over here we have Trump Towers. Donald is not in the building today, as he is out of country awaiting the birth of his next wife.

–Trump Towers

Posted on August 20, 2014
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Birds, Bus, Clerks, Cruise Ship, Directions, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Language Barrier, Library, Marriage, NYU, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, School and studying, Tourism, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

No Countries That Both Have PSP-Playing Citizens Have Ever Gone to War. Right?

Chinese woman, sobbing to her husband: [Furious, angry Chinese] PSP! [More angry Chinese]Dominican kid, walking by: Yeah! PSP!

–Forsyth & Broome

Overheard by: Peter

Posted on August 19, 2014
Chinese, Dominicans, Language Barrier, Lower East Side, Video Games

What’s Your P-p-point?

Woman #1: That bad, huh?
Woman #2: And he stutters. I just want to smack him over the head. Spit it out!

–Bensonhurst

Posted on August 3, 2014
Brooklyn, Language Barrier, Pickiness, Relationships, Women

The language of chickens

Middle-aged Man: “you know how people all over the world, chinese, african, whatever, they look different”
Middle-aged woman: “”well no matter where you go the chickens of the world, they look the same, ever thought about that”
Middle-aged Man: “I wonder if they speak the same language?”

— McDonald’s, by the corner of Houston & Hudson

Posted on July 31, 2014
Animals & Nature, Intelligentsia, Junk Food & Fast Food, Language Barrier, Philosophy, Stupidity, West Village

You know you’re Not in New York when… (Part Eleven)

In a coffeeshop in Los Angeles (the Novel cafe in Santa Monica), a tutor is giving a beginning Spanish lesson to a student at the table next to me. The student is reading a newspaper article in Spanish, and then translating each sentence word by word:

Student: “I don’t know what this word, ‘decada’ means”
Teacher: “What do you think it means?”
Student: “I don’t know”
Teacher: “Guess.”
Student: “I really don’t know”
Teacher: “Here’s a hint. It’s very similar to an English word”
Student: “‘Decada’? Deca….. I have no idea”
Teacher: “It’s almost identical to the English word”
Student: “uhhhhh”
Teacher: “There’s only one letter difference”
Student: “deca….?”
Teacher: “C’mon, what do you think?”
Student: “I really have no idea”
(Teacher pinches her on the nose!)
Teacher: “It’s Decade!!!”
Student: “Ahhhhh!!!! Okay! I feel stupid!”

Posted on July 23, 2014
Education, Hell, Idiots, Language Barrier, Students, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Teachers/Professors, Words

Those Wacky Mexicans

Old Coot: When you take over someone’s empire, you get more of them coming in. I turned on the ball game, and the stadium was all Spanish! This guy came to talk to me from the Daily News, and it turned out to be El Diario!

–Carmine St.

Posted on July 10, 2014
History & Geography, Idiots, Language Barrier, Men, News, Old People, Politics, Sports, West Village

…What's This Country Coming To??

Latina mother to Asian man, quickly and in Spanish: I'm going to 82nd Street, do I have to get off to switch to a local train?
Asian man: What?
Latina mother, astonished and in perfect English: You don't speak Spanish?

–7 Train

Posted on November 24, 2010
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Biotechs, Directions, Language Barrier, Latinos, Moms, On the Subway, White Asians

A Bulgarian Wax Will Pull Your Balkans Off

Heavily accented barista: Vat can I get forrr you?
Customer: I'll have a tall, iced, nonfat latte…I like your accent. Are you from Brazil?
Heavily accented barista: No, I'm from Bulgaria.
Customer: Oh. Is that near Brazil?

–Starbucks

Overheard by: *smacks forehead with hand*