Fat lady: Last night, I ate an entire box of cookies
Skinny lady: Uh huh.
Fat lady: Like the whole box. I mean, I sort of threw up in my sleep I think.
Skinny lady: That’s–
Fat lady: I mean, there were definite cookie bits in my bed this morning. I’m such a cliche.
Skinny lady: That’s just really…sad.
–Pick a Bagel on Third, Third Avenue
Guy #1: So I had my colonoscopy Tuesday. It was like I lost an hour out of my life.
Guy #2: What do you mean?
Guy #1: Oh that stuff they give you to make you sleepy. It gives you
amnesia or something.
Guy #2: That’s messed up.
Guy #1: So my girlfriend tells me afterwords like five times that they removed a polyp and that they think it could be pre-cancerous. I won’t know until next week or something.
Guy #2: So where do you want to get lunch?
–Wall between Pearl & Hanover
Overheard by: Barb Ordell
Guy on drugs: What are you on?
Girl on drugs: Um, a couch?
Guy on drugs: No, what are you on?
Girl on drugs: A couch!
Guy on drugs: What drugs did you take?
Girl on drugs: Acid?
–Roxy, W 18th
Gay #1: How is being gay going for you?
Gay #2: I don’t really jibe with the culture.
Gay #1: Like what?
Gay #2: The music.
–7A Cafe, East Village
Lady: Do you have famous cheesecake?
Waiter: Yes, the cheesecake.
Lady: Well is it famous?
Waiter gives blank stare.
Lady: Because I only want it if it’s famous.
–44th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: Grant W
Bag lady: Can you spare some change?
Woman: No, I’m sorry.
Bag lady: Is that your boyfriend? Lose him.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Husband.
Tween girl on tour #1: This hallway smells like a hospital.
Tween girl on tour #2: Yeah, it reminds me of my mom’s wake.
Tween girl on tour #1: Yeah, mine too.
–NBC Studios, 30 Rock
Tourist man: Honey, is this Times Square?
Tourist wife: No, I think this is Union Square.
New Yorker: This is Herald Square. If you wanna go to Times Square, just walk north until you see all the lights and shit.
Tourist man: Thank you!
–33rd and 8th
Tween girl #1: I don’t understand why anyone would be pro-life.
Tween girl #2: Yeah, I’m gonna get my tubes tied once I’m old enough.
–16th & 2nd
Overheard by: alex duncan
Hipster girl: You know Mabel’s dead, right?
Hipster boy: [Snickers.]
–9th St & Ave B
Overheard by: Rebecca Katherine Hirsch
Headline by: troy
Runners-Up:
· “And hen I heard about 9/11 I laughed so hard the milk came out my nose” – David Reitmeyer
· “If I Knew You Were Going To Take That Attitude, I’d Never Have Named The Fetus” – ED
· “Stan never thought about the awkward exchange AFTER you put your girlfriend’s cat in the microwave” – alexcalibur
· “There are people named mabel who are still ALIVE?!” – mimi marquez
