Hermit-looking man at bakery counter: Euhh… Yes, I want cake. One will say “Kenny's dead.” No! Wait! One will say “I killed Kenny, and I'm not sorry!” And the other will say… it will say, “Obama is my homeboy!”
20-something hipster girl, staring at man: Are you… for real?
Hermit-looking man: Yes, sweetie.
20-something hipster girl: You… you win at life, sir.
–167th & Broadway
Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: I was straddling her, and then everyone got turned on.
–Washington Heights
Man: You look like the black Sigourney Weaver.
Woman: I’m not black.
Man: Are you Sigourney Weaver?
–Oasis coffee shop, Hunts Point
Overheard by: Jake Glazier
Man, after looking around store: Where do you get most of your clothes from?
Crazy store owner with face paint on: The moon.
Man: Wait, where?
Crazy store owner with face paint on: Mostly from the moon.
–Clothes Store
Guy saying goodbye to lady friend: Then I masturbated, and rubbed this sandwich all over myself! (proceeds to rub sub sandwich over his chest)
–46th St & Broadway
Overheard by: James
Man to woman pushing stroller: That guy's kid beats the meat all day long!
–66th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Wow.
Guy in trench coat: He masturbated the other day in order to expel…
–Union Square
Overheard by: Amused
Girl: You really need good hand-eye coordination to masturbate.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Guy on phone: So, even though we're not together anymore, you don't want me seeing other people? (pause) What am I supposed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for?
–White Plains Road
Overheard by: Chad
Man #1: Are you serious?
Man #2: Yep.
Man #1: She really did that?
Man #2: Yep, took everything and left me.
Man #1: God, your mom's a bitch.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Gir
Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to marry me and you hesitated. You hesitated!
–Grand Central Terminal
Acting professor: Act as if you're fascinated by what they're saying, while thinking about something else. That's what boys learn to do when they get married.
–NYU
Overheard by: Lisa
Man, advising another flirting with hot woman: You gotta go for it–unless she's married!
–2 Train
Five-year-old boy to another: Yeah, well… I'll let you marry my daughter!
–10th St & University
Overheard by: Ricky
Man to male friend: So basically, I took her to a gay bar on our wedding night.
–Central Park
Chick to guy: Are we *seriously* arguing about whether or not aunt Jemima would support gay marriage?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Ladle
Tall man to fat woman (after pouring two glasses of water): You want a glass?
Fat woman: No, thanks.
Tall man: God told me to pour two glasses. He talks to me all the time.
Fat woman: Okay, if your god told you, I have to take it.
–Montefiore Medical Center
Overheard by: Juantanom Bay
Dude #1: So I’m totally fighting with Mark–
Dude #2: You mean physically fighting, or metaphysically fighting?
Dude #1: Metaphysically. But does it make a difference?
Dude #2: Well, dude, you can’t get punched in the face, metaphysically.
–West 3rd & Mercer
Overheard by: Dev Nille
Man: I'm not going to have this conversation with you!
Woman: Why not?
Man: Because that's just setting myself up for an open-ended ass kicking.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Blueshmoo
