Different Strokes for Different Wednesday One-Liners

Guy saying goodbye to lady friend: Then I masturbated, and rubbed this sandwich all over myself! (proceeds to rub sub sandwich over his chest)

–46th St & Broadway

Overheard by: James

Man to woman pushing stroller: That guy's kid beats the meat all day long!

–66th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Wow.

Guy in trench coat: He masturbated the other day in order to expel…

–Union Square

Overheard by: Amused

Girl: You really need good hand-eye coordination to masturbate.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Guy on phone: So, even though we're not together anymore, you don't want me seeing other people? (pause) What am I supposed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for?

–White Plains Road

Overheard by: Chad

Posted on December 14, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Breaking Up, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Masturbation, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Queens, Questions, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I'm Starting to Regret Marrying Her.

Man #1: Are you serious?
Man #2: Yep.
Man #1: She really did that?
Man #2: Yep, took everything and left me.
Man #1: God, your mom's a bitch.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Gir

Posted on December 8, 2020
Breaking Up, Insults, Men, Parents, Questions, Times Square, Weirdness

With This Ring, I Thee Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to marry me and you hesitated. You hesitated!

–Grand Central Terminal

Acting professor: Act as if you're fascinated by what they're saying, while thinking about something else. That's what boys learn to do when they get married.

–NYU

Overheard by: Lisa

Man, advising another flirting with hot woman: You gotta go for it–unless she's married!

–2 Train

Five-year-old boy to another: Yeah, well… I'll let you marry my daughter!

–10th St & University

Overheard by: Ricky

Man to male friend: So basically, I took her to a gay bar on our wedding night.

–Central Park

Chick to guy: Are we *seriously* arguing about whether or not aunt Jemima would support gay marriage?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on November 29, 2020
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Kids, Marriage, Men, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, School and studying, Street, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Theater & Dance, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

So I Can Pour It Over Your Head

Tall man to fat woman (after pouring two glasses of water): You want a glass?
Fat woman: No, thanks.
Tall man: God told me to pour two glasses. He talks to me all the time.
Fat woman: Okay, if your god told you, I have to take it.

–Montefiore Medical Center

Overheard by: Juantanom Bay

Posted on November 17, 2020
Fat People, God, Hospitals, Men, Offers and requests, Weirdness, Women

Tell That to Sarah Jessica Parker

Dude #1: So I’m totally fighting with Mark–
Dude #2: You mean physically fighting, or metaphysically fighting?
Dude #1: Metaphysically. But does it make a difference?
Dude #2: Well, dude, you can’t get punched in the face, metaphysically.

–West 3rd & Mercer

Overheard by: Dev Nille

Posted on November 8, 2020
Manhattan, Men, Relationships, Soho, Street, Violence

When I'm Really in the Mood for a Closed One Today

Man: I'm not going to have this conversation with you!
Woman: Why not?
Man: Because that's just setting myself up for an open-ended ass kicking.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Blueshmoo

Posted on October 31, 2020
Brooklyn, Fighting and ass kicking, Men, Relationships, Weirdness, Women

Come on In– The Wednesday One-Liner Is Fine!

20-something chick: Sea captains doing table-service is never okay.

–A Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Lady on Bluetooth: Well, if you prove to everyone that your vagina is as wide as an ocean, then go ahead!

–Brooklyn

Teenage girl to friend: So, I heard back from the lifeguard application. (pauses, then utterly bewildered) I need to know how to swim!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: totheworld

Loud woman on escalator: No, you don't get it. When you're under water, you're not wet.

–Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: Burning Vegan

Middle-aged man watching seven-year old swimming deftly in shallow end: Oh, yeah? Well, I can drive. Can you? My feet can touch the bottom. Can yours?

–CUNY Swim Class

Overheard by: obyun

Posted on October 20, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, College, Compare/Contrast, Education, Friends, Girls, Height, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Malls, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sports, Stupidity, Teens, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Just Keep Walking 'til Your Feet Get Wet

Woman: How do we know where it is?
Man: That guy said it's at the end of the street.
Woman: Yeah, well, where does the street end?

–Outside of St James Theatre

Overheard by: howdumbareyou

Posted on October 12, 2020
Default, Directions, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity, Theater, Women, Words

And a Home to Put It In, Sucker!

Hobo to young man getting out of a cab: Can you spare some change? (shakes cup in front of him)
Young man: No, thanks, I've already got a cup.

–E 10th & 1st

Overheard by: Dan

Posted on October 10, 2020
Comebacks, Hobos, Men, Panhandling, Union Square and East Village

As the Dodgers Said in 1957

Guy #1: (howls like an animal)
Guy #2: (makes owl noise and starts hooting)
Group of people, including guys #1 and #2: (all start making animal calls, screams, hoots etc)
Man #1 on train: Shut the fuck up!
Group of howlers: (sporadically throws in more animal noises and then profusely thanks the glaring audience as they exit train)
Man#2 on train: At least they're someone else's problem now.
Man#1 on train: I'm never going to Brooklyn again.

–F Train

Overheard by: it only takes 3 stops to decide

Posted on September 23, 2020
Animals & Nature, Guys, Insults, Men, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation, Strangers, Weirdness

Men