Men

Wednesday, with a One-Liner Chaser

Female day-drinking tourist: Oh shit, I left my vodka in the church!

–Outside Trinity Church

Man on cell: If it's possible to ferment it, we have fermented it.

–7th St b/w 2nd & 3rd Ave

Middle-aged man to younger man: You know how cats and dogs–they eat and then they go? In one end and out the other. I'm like that. My bladder has room for the equivalent of one good cocktail.

–10th Ave and W 50th St

Overheard by: Ah….middle age

Commuter at 8 am: Beer. Beer.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: baconista

Old drunk walking into a liquor store, to clerk: Have you got my prescription?

–Broadway & 106th St

Overheard by: rickbruner

Or If We Were an Alien Race That Mated Through Our Hands

Short, fat, toothless-sounding woman: What we do is not disgraceful. There's nothing disgraceful about you.
Tall thin man, with boom box in hand: No.
Short, fat, toothless-sounding woman: There's nothing disgraceful about me.
Tall thin man: No.
Short, fat, toothless-sounding woman: It's the sin that's disgraceful. Us, holding hands, how we show our love, that's fine. It would be a whole different story if I wasn't married, but I am.

–Essex & Delancey

Overheard by: nb

Better Than That Place Where the Comedians Beat You Up and Rob You

Comedy club promoter: Hey, you guys want free beers and some laughs?
Teen tourists’ chaperone: They’re underage.
Comedy club promoter: How about free sodas and a few giggles?

–Outside Hilton Theatre

Overheard by: Amused Teenage Tourist

If Only That Worked with Ashlee Simpson

Hobo, singing: Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb! Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was…
Man, holding out dollar: I will give you one dollar to shut the fuck up.
Hobo: (shuts up)

–14th St Subway Station

Just because You Peed There Didn’t Make It a Bathroom

Greasy, middle-aged man: It’s not your beer.
Cracked-out, middle-aged woman: I left it in your bathroom!

–30th & 9th

Overheard by: India

Sometimes It's Good to Be Autistic

Smiley man: How you feelin'? How you feelin'?
Little girl: Who's that?
Mom: That was just a nice man sitting on the sidewalk saying hello.
Little girl: Really?
Mom: Yeah, he was talking to you.

–14th St & University Place

Overheard by: Alexandra

New York Girls Have Always Swooned for Quasimodo's “Ironic” Sense Of Style

Hermit-looking man at bakery counter: Euhh… Yes, I want cake. One will say “Kenny's dead.” No! Wait! One will say “I killed Kenny, and I'm not sorry!” And the other will say… it will say, “Obama is my homeboy!”
20-something hipster girl, staring at man: Are you… for real?
Hermit-looking man: Yes, sweetie.
20-something hipster girl: You… you win at life, sir.

–167th & Broadway

The Dangers of Making Love in Front of the Robots

Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: I was straddling her, and then everyone got turned on.

–Washington Heights

“She” Must Get Asked That All the Time

Man: You look like the black Sigourney Weaver.
Woman: I’m not black.
Man: Are you Sigourney Weaver?

–Oasis coffee shop, Hunts Point

Overheard by: Jake Glazier

Though Some Of the Trimmings Come from Saturn

Man, after looking around store: Where do you get most of your clothes from?
Crazy store owner with face paint on: The moon.
Man: Wait, where?
Crazy store owner with face paint on: Mostly from the moon.

–Clothes Store

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