An Infestation of Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on phone: I am being nice, but I'm not going to describe to you in great detail what a bug looks like!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: R&L

Man in zoot suit: When I talk, I don't want you bitches saying nothing! I only wanna hear the cockroaches fornicating on the walls!

–F Train

Overheard by: Reagan

Hipster: It was like watching a praying mantis have a seizure.

–16th & 8th

Wasted girl on sidewalk: No, I am so upset, I am so upset, I lost the back of my phone and there is a bug, a bug!

–11th & Broadway

Old lady: She looks pretty much like a roach.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Posted on January 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Hipsters, Insects, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Staten Island Ferry, The Village, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires, Women

New Yorkers Never Look at You, Anyway

Man carrying camera and subway map: Do you think we look like tourists?
Woman carrying huge fanny packs, dead serious: No, I think we look okay.

–N Train

Posted on December 31, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Men, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Stupidity, Tourism, Women

Playing “Mirror” Gets Old After Age Five

Man: If you do that, you will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Woman: I will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it?
Man: Yes, you will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Woman: So, I will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Man: Yes, you will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Woman: Well, I really think I'm justified.
Man: Oh, do you really think you're justified?
Woman: Yes, I really think I'm justified.
Man: So you really think you're justified?
Woman: Yes, I really think I'm justified.

–11th St & Perry St

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on December 29, 2014
Men, Questions, Stupidity, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-liners Need an MRI

Man on cell: Hello?…Yeah, I’m at the movies…Yeah, I know…I’m in the fucking theater!…I don’t care if she needs brain surgery, I’m at the movies!

–Loews 19th Street East

Posted on December 28, 2014
Assholes, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Medicine, Men, Movie Theaters, Movies, On Cell

Conjoined, Bearded Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on phone: You know her, red hair, goes to a lot of shows… Her lip is kind of, y'know, stuck to her nose a bit on the one side.

–Union Square

Promoter to older man passing by: Excuse me, sir, you dropped your clitoris.

–St.Mark's Place

Suit: And his head was askew…

–79th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Ladle

Suit on cell: The woman's toenails were three inches long.

–The Village

Guy to another: I knew a guy with a tail–an extended tailbone. It was thiiiis (shows) long!

–8th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Rick

50-something New Yorker: He was Barbara Streisand's cousin! And he stretched my urethra. It was great! Well, not at the time. But now it's great!

–Broadway & 59th St

Overheard by: Nikki

Posted on December 27, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Hair, Height, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

NYC Public Bathrooms Are Multi-Multi-Purpose Spaces

Man in bathroom stall to old Chinese man persistently knocking on his door: Look, I only got in here just now. Stop knocking! I'm gonna learn Chinese just to tell you how it is.
Man using urinal: Don't be hatin'.
Man in bathroom stall: Don't be stupid!

–Columbus Park

Posted on December 26, 2014
Chinese, Insults, Language Barrier, Men, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Piss Off

Man Urinating Publicly: What do I care? I’m a convict!

–Waverly Place

Overheard by: Todd Seavey

Posted on December 23, 2014
Assholes, Men, Pee, Prison, The Village

Okay, So Why Would You Need Coffee?

Bum: Hey you got some money so I can get an iced cappuccino?
Concerned white man: Sorry man, I don’t have any more.
Bum: I’m too lazy to work, HAHAHAHAH. [crazy cackle]

–71st & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Donny

Posted on December 22, 2014
Coffee, Crazies, Default, Homeless, Laughter, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Street, Upper East Side, White People

Speaking Of the Filth Of Humanity…

Whiny old man: I hate the cold. I get so cold I hafta take a hot shower every night. How 'bout you?
Old woman: Well, Eddy, you're supposed to take showers all the time.
Whiny old man: How about that OJ Simpson?

–B3 Bus

Overheard by: Laura E.

Posted on December 22, 2014
About Celebrities, Bus, Cleanliness, Gripes, Men, Old People, On the Bus, Questions, Weather, Women

The One Who Denied It, Al Qaida

Guy #1: Dude, what the hell’s that smell?
Guy #2: Josh fucking farted again.
Guy #1: Dude, if someone lit a match right now it’d be like 9/11.

–Metro-North train

Overheard by: Tim

Posted on December 21, 2014
Farting & Burping, Men, Trains Not Subway

Men