Wednesday One-Liners Graduate Magna Cum Laude

Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Harmony Davis

Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm!

–W 72nd S, Record Store

Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…

Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.

–West Village

Overheard by: Andy & Nick

Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: sofia

Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!

–Bar, Fulton St

Overheard by: Izzy

Posted on January 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Couples, Cum, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Orgasm, Parks, Penis, Punks, Queer guys, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

And Tragically Bitchy.

Balding chubby man #1: Yeah, man, marriage is rough. I mean, you need to find someone who can bring something to the table.
Balding chubby man #2: Yeah…what do you mean?
Balding chubby man #1: I mean, when you hit 30 and are looking to settle down, you need to find someone who has something to offer, cause if she doesn't have something to offer, then you are in trouble.
Balding chubby man #2: Okay.
Balding chubby man #1: I mean, look at Paul McCartney, he married that lady, and they were together, what, five years? She brought nothing to the table. Then they divorced and she got 60 million dollars. Just like that!
Balding chubby man #2: Yeah, that's a lot of money.
Balding chubby man #1: I know! But I shouldn't talk bad about her…you know, cause she's crippled.

–N Train

Posted on January 27, 2015
About Celebrities, Advice, Age/Aging, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, On the Subway, Questions

Throw Her From the Train

Old woman: What, you want to push me out the window?
Old man: I would, but unfortunately you won’t fit.
Old woman: Bastard.

–M31 bus

Posted on January 26, 2015
Age/Aging, Comebacks, Insults, Men, Old People, On the Bus, Wishes & desires, Women

Speidi: In a Nutshell.

Woman : Why didn't you kiss me?
Man: Cause you said you were going to punch me!

–Grand Central

Posted on January 24, 2015
Grand Central, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, Punch, Questions, Threats, Train Station, Women

They Call Their Planet “Dirt“?

Man: Where are you from?
Boy: (silence)
Man: If someone asks you that, you say you are from Earth.
Boy: Earth.
Man: And then if someone asks you where on Earth, you say, “a continent.”

–1 Train

Overheard by: fayfayryryr2h

Posted on January 23, 2015
Boys, Global Geography, Men, On the Subway, Weirdness

Dude, She Just Gave You the Green Light!

Young Asian woman: That’s why your country has such a low birth rate. In Korea the men just club women over the head and drag them home.
Young Asian man: [Pausing] I don’t believe you.

–Tosca, The Met

Overheard by: busyboy

Posted on January 22, 2015
Asians, Global Geography, Koreans, Lies, Men, Science, Sex, Stupidity, The Met, Women

NewsFlash: Asshole Hangs Out at Sports Bar, Film at 11

Man #1: There are no cute chicks here.
Man #2: Yeah.
Man #1: Let’s go some place else — my wife is working overnight at the hospital.

–ESPN Zone Sports Bar, Times Square

Posted on January 19, 2015
Advice, Assholes, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Guys, Marriage, Men, Players, Sex & Relationships, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Take Advantage Of Medicare While They Still Can

Blonde on cell: So it was either an ambulance or a taqueria.

–Times Square

Girl on cell: What? What!? Go to the hospital. Go to the hospital! Please. Why? Because when you get stabbed you go to the hospital, you don’t go and lay down.

–Jersey Transit

Thug, in a rush: Look, I don’t give a fuck! I just want Medicaid!

–13th & 3rd

Disgruntled male gynecologist: We’re the bastard stepchildren of the surgery world. General surgeons barely think we’re human. "Oh, don’t get up, it’s just a gynecologist." I could have been a general surgeon, a plastic surgeon, a dentist, a lawyer… I’d be making more money, too. My brother’s cat needed a caesarian section and the vet got paid more than I get paid to do a caesarian section!

–Gynecology Office, 32nd & Madison

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl on cell: I told you I was sick and needed to go to the doctor’s! I can’t even swallow! I tried food, water and liquids!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ross

Chick in scrubs (lighting cigarette) to friend in scrubs: My heart rate won’t go down!

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: McFreaky

Posted on January 19, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Doctors, Fears, Girls, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Jobs & Careers, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penn Station, Smokers & Smoking, Stab, Stupidity, Thugs, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Wishes & desires

Sometimes, Wednesday One-Liners Are Tough to Swallow

Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair!

–13th St

Overheard by: questioning the physics

Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5'8", I mean…it's like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should've jerked you off in your sock!

–84th & Amsterdam Ave

One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Dan

High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face.

–72nd St & Broadway

20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can't carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we'll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule.

–Ess-A-Bagel

Overheard by: Emma

NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you're jizzing?!

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo

Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It's everywhere!

–Bobst Library

Overheard by: ttny

Posted on January 18, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Central Park, Cum, Drunks, Frat Boys, Girls, Guys, Hair, Height, Hobos, Library, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Science, Sensory Experiences, Street, Students, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Costello’s Reincarnation Seeks a New Partner

Woman: Is that Perhaps?
Man: What?
Woman: Is that Perhaps?
Man: “Perhaps“?
Woman: Yeah, there’s this dog called Perhaps that hangs around here. Yours looks just like it.

–Carl Schurz Park, Upper East Side

Overheard by: guillermo echevarria

Posted on January 13, 2015
Man's Best Friend, Men, Names, Upper East Side, Women

Men