Spa Girl: I just want to remind you that for 24 hours after your appointment you can’t have any food or drink with color.
Man: So does that mean that I can’t sleep with a black woman tonight?
Spa Girl: Uh…no! I guess not!
–BriteSmile Spa , 57th & 5th
Overheard by: Jackie Lee
Man to woman, boarding train together: The next stop is 5th Avenue and Bryant Park. You know, you could've walked two more blocks and you would've been there.
Woman: But two blocks is a lot… I just walked four.
–7 Train
Old man #1, yelling at unstopping cabs: Hey! Hey! Come on!
Old man #2, with cane, hobbles over: No, no! You've gotta use your cane. Like this! (sticks his cane out into the street, a cab stops)
Old man #1: Hey! Next time, I'm bringing my cane!
Old man #2, hobbling away: You're welcome.
–W 57th b/w 9th & 10th
Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Harmony Davis
Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm!
–W 72nd S, Record Store
Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…
Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.
–West Village
Overheard by: Andy & Nick
Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: sofia
Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!
–Bar, Fulton St
Overheard by: Izzy
Balding chubby man #1: Yeah, man, marriage is rough. I mean, you need to find someone who can bring something to the table.
Balding chubby man #2: Yeah…what do you mean?
Balding chubby man #1: I mean, when you hit 30 and are looking to settle down, you need to find someone who has something to offer, cause if she doesn't have something to offer, then you are in trouble.
Balding chubby man #2: Okay.
Balding chubby man #1: I mean, look at Paul McCartney, he married that lady, and they were together, what, five years? She brought nothing to the table. Then they divorced and she got 60 million dollars. Just like that!
Balding chubby man #2: Yeah, that's a lot of money.
Balding chubby man #1: I know! But I shouldn't talk bad about her…you know, cause she's crippled.
–N Train
Old woman: What, you want to push me out the window?
Old man: I would, but unfortunately you won’t fit.
Old woman: Bastard.
–M31 bus
Woman : Why didn't you kiss me?
Man: Cause you said you were going to punch me!
–Grand Central
Man: Where are you from?
Boy: (silence)
Man: If someone asks you that, you say you are from Earth.
Boy: Earth.
Man: And then if someone asks you where on Earth, you say, “a continent.”
–1 Train
Overheard by: fayfayryryr2h
Young Asian woman: That’s why your country has such a low birth rate. In Korea the men just club women over the head and drag them home.
Young Asian man: [Pausing] I don’t believe you.
–Tosca, The Met
Overheard by: busyboy
Man #1: There are no cute chicks here.
Man #2: Yeah.
Man #1: Let’s go some place else — my wife is working overnight at the hospital.
–ESPN Zone Sports Bar, Times Square
