Our Wednesday One-Liners in Blue

Cop on cell: Yeah, Adam just called. Are there bodies there?

–Outside Times Square Police Station

Overheard by: leah

Police officer on crowd control duty: If you was special, you'd get on the sidewalk. If you was my family, you'd get on the sidewalk.

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Claire

Little boy to mother, after policeman walks by: Mom, it's the five-o!

–38th St, Astoria

Man: Yo, I was so twisted last night. I was in the cop car and he was like, "no drinking in the cop car!"

–Lexington & 75th

Overheard by: wb

Cop to victim: So the doors and windows were locked,no sign of forced entry…and you're sure that your panty drawer was rifled through and unknown items are missing?

–Bensonhurst

Posted on February 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Clothing, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Thievery, Times Square, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Why Being a Smart Fat Girl Is Never Fun.

Man on street corner to overweight teen girl: Ooh, I like them healthy girls!
Overweight teen girl: I'm not healthy! I'm at high risk for diabetes!

–147th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Innocent By-stander

Posted on February 14, 2015
Compliments, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Men, Teens

I Try to Stay in Touch with What Ordinary People Are Thinking

Man on bike: You see those boxes over there?
Freshman girl: The white ones?
Man on bike: Yeah, you see those?
Freshman girl: Yes. Those are white boxes.
Man on bike: And you see the truck over there? With the fridge in it?
Freshman girl: Yes.
Man on bike: Okay, just checking. I thought that's what they wanted us to think. (bikes away)

–Pratt Campus

Overheard by: Pratt student

Posted on February 13, 2015
College, Colors, Default, Girls, Men, Questions, Students, Weirdness

Like, What Are His Political Leanings?

Charity volunteer: Would you like to sponsor this child?
Grumpy man: I got three kids at home, and besides, I never even met this bastard!

–Broadway at City Hall

Overheard by: Darrin

Posted on February 12, 2015
Insults, Kids, Men, Nice People, Offers and requests, Only in New York, Strangers, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Do Those One-Liners Go All the Way Up to Your Wednesday?

Lady to another: I'm waxing my crotch whether he likes it or not!

–52nd & Madison

Overheard by: someguyslikethejungle

Preteen: Yo, she bit Mark's crotch!

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: dan

Girl to another: I don't think he'd like your stiletto heel in his actual crotch. Oh, now your twat is all over the place.

–Olivebridge

Man on cell, noticing, "The Big Penis Book": Hey, I'm at this bookstore and they have this big book of penises… Oh, you have it already? The big book, with the pink cover and crotch on the front? Oh, okay, cool.

–Bookstore, Brookyln

Bimbo: Crotches are always wrong!

–American Apparel Store

Posted on February 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Girls, Kick, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Private Parts, Shoes, Store, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Violence, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

She Kinda Likes the Conservation of Momentum, Know What I Mean?

Woman, falling against man as train stops suddenly: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Man: Hey, no problem. [Gestures at girlfriend] Get a little closer — she isn’t jealous. She don’t mind.

–1 train

Posted on February 11, 2015
Creepsters, Default, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Women

The Fine Line Between Liar and Lunatic

Man: Oh, so she’s genuinely deluded?
Woman: Yeah, she’s not just in denial.

–Bleecker Street station

Overheard by: Brooklyn Blade

Posted on February 10, 2015
Men, Psychology, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Women

It's the Great Wednesday One-Liner, Charlie Brown

Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.

–A Train

Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?

–Halloween Adventure

Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!

–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria

Overheard by: kathcom

Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!

–Downtown 6 Train

Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.

–Downtown 6 train

Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: J. Ra

Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.

–Soho

Overheard by: Edan

Posted on February 10, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Astoria, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Fruit, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Music, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Sexuality, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, TV, Vagina, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Go to Brooklyn to Eat

Elderly woman yelling at man looking at map: Where you going? What color is your train? Is it yellow or orange? This train is green. You should get on a red train. (singing) Red, orange, yellow, green, blue. Oh, and brown. Can't forget that. Just don't go to Brooklyn. No. No. No-o-o-o. Not there.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl on phone: My friend said that's probably why I don't like Brooklyn–because I have the night of the living dead outside my window…

–Amsterdam & 112th

Upper East Side man: If you really want to rough it, go to Brooklyn.

–84th & 2nd

Little girl shouting: Everyone in this entire building is going to Brooklyn!

–Grand Central

Posted on February 8, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Colors, Columbia University, Death, Directions, Film, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Men, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Men