“That'sa Spicy Wednesday One-Liner!”

Drunk guy, matter-of-factly: Everyone comes in here and thinks they're smelling pot, when really they're just smelling Italians.

–Hammerstein Ballroom Men's Room

Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eaten macaroni. Does that count as Italian?

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Kayla Monetta

Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, "you smell like Italian."

–E 10th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: molina1230

Loud bridesmaid at Guido wedding: I'm Sicilian from the waist up, American from the waist down.

–Brooklyn Botanic Garden

College guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they started eating. Italian feasts are pornography. Italian food is illicit sex to the puritans. Everything the puritans eat is bland and brown.

–Brooklyn College

Middle-aged, pot-bellied guy with a long pony-tail, stopping young woman on the street: Excuse me, but I just want to say, once you've had Italian food, you're not hungry for anything else. I just ate a calzone and now I'm going to go home and just go to sleep!

–8th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Not hungry either

Posted on February 26, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guidettes, Italians, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Porn, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Strangers, Street, Students, The Village, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

“Blood Hook” Is Not As Catchy

Guy #1: You know it’s just a name the real estate agents came up with so they could raise the rents.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Red Hook.

–B61 bus

Overheard by: Becca McLean

Posted on February 25, 2015
Brooklyn, Men, On the Bus, Real Estate

And They’d Be Pouring Margaritas for Everyone

[guy slips on snowy steps, falls down]Old man: Oh, are you okay?
[guy gets up, walks away]Old woman: If this were Dartmouth, they’d have salted this by now, you know.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Greg T

Posted on February 23, 2015
Accidents, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Men, Old People, Questions, Women

…I'll Talk!

Woman: Two words: bikini wax.
Man: No…no!

–80th & York

Posted on February 23, 2015
Hair, Men, Upper East Side, Waxing, Women, Words

Oh, Sorry — I Didn’t Know

Man, as a woman screams: Bitch, don’t touch me! My wife is pregnant!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jay

Posted on February 22, 2015
Men, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Union Square and East Village

Just One More Hit of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Attention, ladies and gentlemen, there’s a slight delay due to reports of somebody smoking crack… and other stuff… on the back of the train.

–Church Ave

Overheard by: Katie & Jaime

Teen girl, to older woman: You ‘posed to eat. Ain’t ‘posed to smoke no rock!

–Classon & DeKalb

Queer in RA’s office: Now, when we got there they were selling hash brownies and weed muffins — we were in Amsterdam — and everyone else was trying some, so I figured I would, too. Then we went to the Anne Frank Museum, and of course that’s when they started kicking in…

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Wishes he heard the rest of the story

Man on cell: I know, but then they started smoking crack on stage.

–10th St & Stuyvesant

Guy on cell: I’m at Stuy High… Whaddya mean ya don’t know what that is?! Gotta know where the weed’s at!

–Near Stuyvesant High

Man to concerned woman: Don’t think of it as buying weed from a drug dealer. Think of it as supporting a cottage industry.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: amused priest

Posted on February 20, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cocaine, Conductors, Girls, Gripes, History & Geography, Men, Old People, On Cell, Public Transportation, Queers, School, School and studying, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weed, Women

Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Nothing to Be Ashamed Of

Woman: Excuse me, can you tell me something? Do I have a hickey on my neck? I have to go to a lunch and I just want to know if I have a hickey on my neck.

–SoHo

Overheard by: kim

Guy on cell: He shoved his hand in so many crevices that they looked like flippers.

–2nd Ave & Houston

Overheard by: gypsee

Drunk girl: If Bethany doesn't have legs, nobody has legs.

–1 Train

Overheard by: oliviz

Strange woman, seeing another woman massaging pressure points on friend's ear: She has a headache? It starts in the scrotum.

–M14D Bus

Man, missing stop: This is the problem with having a prostate that's bigger than your brain…you always forget to get off.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: rachel

Girl: She slept with Harry, and she didn't know he only had one hand, and afterward she still didn't know he only had one hand.

–Brother Jimmy's Restaurant

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on February 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Handicaps, Health and Hygiene, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Soho, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

In Russia, That’s Like a French Kiss

Man #1: I was cashing my check in Brighton Beach and this Russian dude almost hit my little brother. So I went and tapped on his window and you know the first thing I did?
Man #2: What’s that?
Man #1: I spit in his mouth. He opened up his mouth and got a mouthful of my spit. Then I started walking away and he got out of his car and was like 6ft 9, all basketball style.

–Nathan’s at Coney Island

Overheard by: Brad Benson

Posted on February 15, 2015
Accidents, Coney Island, Default, Excretions, Family Ties, Foreigners, Height, Men, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Violence

Our Wednesday One-Liners in Blue

Cop on cell: Yeah, Adam just called. Are there bodies there?

–Outside Times Square Police Station

Overheard by: leah

Police officer on crowd control duty: If you was special, you'd get on the sidewalk. If you was my family, you'd get on the sidewalk.

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Claire

Little boy to mother, after policeman walks by: Mom, it's the five-o!

–38th St, Astoria

Man: Yo, I was so twisted last night. I was in the cop car and he was like, "no drinking in the cop car!"

–Lexington & 75th

Overheard by: wb

Cop to victim: So the doors and windows were locked,no sign of forced entry…and you're sure that your panty drawer was rifled through and unknown items are missing?

–Bensonhurst

Posted on February 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Clothing, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Thievery, Times Square, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Why Being a Smart Fat Girl Is Never Fun.

Man on street corner to overweight teen girl: Ooh, I like them healthy girls!
Overweight teen girl: I'm not healthy! I'm at high risk for diabetes!

–147th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Innocent By-stander

Posted on February 14, 2015
Compliments, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Men, Teens